I hate it here. Hated every single thing about it: the daily sinful acts of debauchery taking place downstairs in that louche bar, the violence I witnessed, the guns, and especially the men. Especially… him. Ky. The Hades Hangmen whore. The man who grinned at me whenever in my presence, licking his lips in that absurdly salacious way.
He made my skin shiver. He might be beautiful on the outside, all long blond hair and crystal-blue eyes, but he had a corrupted soul.
He cannot be trusted… None of them could be trusted.
“She is with Styx. She is always with Styx, Lilah,” Maddie said tiredly, pulling me free from thinking about that loose, wayward rake.
Stomping to my bed, I dropped down to its mattress and threw myself backward until my whole body lay flat on the black silk linen.
“Why does she embrace this life, Maddie? Why does she smile and laugh, join carnally with her Styx, while all we can do is feel utter despair at our situation? Why do we waste away here, locked in this cell of a room, day after day after day? We are condemned to hell, here, Maddie… to hell!”
Maddie gradually drew her gaze to me and laid her cheek upon her knee. She stared at me with a wistful expression. “Because she has fallen in love, Lilah. She has found the missing piece of her soul within Styx.”
Sighing and casting me a watery smile, she added, “We should all pray to the Lord that we shall be as equally blessed. That we find someone to love us completely and protect us from harm. From being children we were forced to be with men we did not love. Would you not welcome the affections of a man whom you chose? A man who wanted you for more than just a celestial joining?”
My mouth gaped at her answer. “No, I would not! How shall we ever find salvation from the devil’s clutches in this place, littered with his willing denizens! You know our scripture, Maddie. We can only be absolved from our born sin through the righteous will of the prophet and the Lord. Through the chosen disciples. Not just any man who worms his way between our legs! I have seen how they seduce the women here. It is disgusting.”
Maddie’s green eyes seemed to sadden and she sighed, once again casting her gaze out to the dark sky through the window of our “cell.” My stomach tightened in fear.
She had lost her faith.
Bella had died.
Mae was living a sinner’s life.
I was the only one left who followed the righteous path, the only one left who could keep us on the righteous path.
A loud bang sounded downstairs. Maddie and I jumped, flattening our bodies to the bed in fear. The lampshade on the ceiling began to rock back and forth. Raucous laughter rang out from the room directly below… from “Underworld,” as they called it.
Bolting upright, I fisted the sheet until I feared the material would rip with the strain and I let out a loud sharp scream. Weeks and weeks of frustration exploded from my chest. Maddie whimpered beside me, curling into the wall.
That is it! I thought, losing grip of my self-control.
Jumping to my feet, I straightened my floor-length gray dress and reached for my white headdress. Tying the thick linen covering in place over my tight bun, I concealed my long blond hair. Sucking in a deep breath, I marched to the door with purpose.
“Lilah! What are you doing?” Maddie half-shouted in panic. Her green eyes grew large as she watched me strengthen in my resolve.
“I am submitting a request for their sinful shenanigans to cease at once! I am tired, Maddie. I cannot sleep with that incessant noise, and I dare not go downstairs for fear of being inappropriately touched by one of the sinners. The manner in which they look at us is salacious, as if we are forbidden fruit they wish to devour! I am tired…. so tired, and I just cannot take any more of it. My head hurts all the time through lack of sleep. I cannot eat due to my stomach constantly being in knots through absolute fear of what will become of us here in this place. And my chest, my chest keeps tightening to the point that I cannot breathe. I grow faint and feel like I am breaking down. I am breaking, Maddie. I feel as though I am falling apart and no one understands or cares…”
Maddie began shaking her head at me. “Lilah, please. Leave it until Mae returns. Those men… they are dangerous. You saw what they did to our people at the commune. Do not incite them to be violent to you also.”
“I must beg them to stop! I have to try!” I shrilled. “We can no longer rely on Mae. She has lost her way, forgotten the prophet’s teachings. She has become too involved with Styx. She will not listen to reason. That leaves me. Leaves me to beg for some peace.”
Maddie slumped onto the bed and began chewing on her thumbnail in nerves. She had become wrapped up in herself again. Any mention of our faith did that to her. I could see the dwindling devotion toward our prophet in her eyes. The way she rejoiced when Brother Moses was killed a few long weeks ago confirmed how much she had strayed from our blessed calling. The Order was simply following the Lord’s will when the elders tried their best to rid us of the devil in our frequent celestial joinings.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I drew in another deep breath. Then I quickly unlocked the four bolts of the door and turned the knob. After an internal count of three, I swallowed my fear and wrenched open the door, only to let out a deafening shriek as I stumbled in shock, my back hitting the wall, knocking the breath from my lungs.
Sitting on a chair in the narrow hallway directly opposite our apartment door was the tattooed heathen, Flame. I knew he sat there all day, every day. I had spied on him through the peephole in the door. I did not know if he was out there to make sure we did not try to flee, like we were prisoners in this place, or whether he was there to guard us. Very rarely did he leave his post.