I felt her mood change, so gripping her harder, I asked, “You good?”
Lilah remained silent for a couple’a minutes before she asked, “Do you believe in God?”
That question knocked me back on my ass. I frowned, wondering where the hell she was going with this. “Don’t know, baby,” I answered honestly. “But I do think religion’s fucked up. People killing for a God that could be as real as fucking Santa Claus. Folks judging others ‘cause they don’t believe the same thing, and cunts like Prophet David and Cain using it to get power, control over people.” I sighed, trying to not lose it. “But God, no fucking idea.”
“I do,” she whispered. “Despite it all, I still believe there is a God that loves his people.”
I didn’t know what to say, but I did feel a huge surge of fear run through me. I’d just got my woman back, my woman who’d been destroyed by that pedo cult. I thought we were moving on, starting to live our life, but her still believing? It caused me to feel real fucking fear, damn quaking in my boots fear. Weren’t no woman gonna want this life when she’s tight with God, I thought.
“Mae and I talked when I was in the hospital. She told me how Prophet David changed the Bible to make us believe in his message. She told me how he lied. Told me how he used his power to do bad things to children… to me,” she said quietly. I found myself gripping her harder, like I could somehow protect her from the past. Lilah nuzzled my chest and sighed happily. “But she also gave me a Bible, a real Bible, and its revelations astounded me.
“It was full of forgiveness, good intention, and parables preaching peace and love to mankind. I fell in love with those words… I fell in love with their message. It renewed me, filled me with hope, and bestowed upon me grace.”
A lump blocked my throat as I listened to Li. What she was saying didn’t fit in with the Hangmen, didn’t fit with her and me.
Feeling a wetness on my chest, I nudged Lilah up with my shoulder and saw her face filled with tears.
“Baby…” I hushed out, wiping at her cheeks. She shook her head and, gripping my hands, pressed kiss after kiss on my wrist.
“I do not want you to think I am not happy or that I do not love you. Because I do, more than I can explain. Psalms are poems; you are mine. You are the embodiment of every divine word that could slip from my lips. I adore you, Ky. I can no longer imagine my life without you in it. You are my white dove. You fill me with peace love, and devotion.”
My chest ached, and I ran my thumb down her scarred cheek. “Baby…”
Lilah lifted her dress, her leathers perfectly framing her legs, and she showed me her flat stomach, tracing one of her cult-awarded permanent torture scars. “This cross was branded on my stomach by vile and hurtful men, but I also have this symbol on my heart, metaphorically of course, branded as a child by the Lord I hold most dear, by Christ whom I love and have loved unconditionally.”
Closing my eyes, I sucked in a breath and felt sick. The more she spoke, the more I could feel her pull away. I knew us being together was gonna be hard… I didn’t think it’d be fucking impossible.
I was a killer.
An outlaw.
Ain’t no time for religion when you follow Hades.
Lilah dropped her dress and her face contorted as though in pain. “My entire life has been in service to the Lord.” Her glistening blue eyes met mine and she said, “Ky… I do not know who I am without my faith.”
She sounded so desperate, like I would hold a fucking answer, but I had fuck all to say in response.
Lilah cried a river into my chest. Before long, she grew tired, all cried out, still recovering from her injuries. Without saying a word, we rode home, where I carried her to bed. We fucked slowly. Then she fell asleep on my chest.
I didn’t sleep at all. My head too full with what she’d said.
You are my white dove. You fill me with peace, love, and devotion.
But she didn’t know who she was without her faith…
Funny, ‘cause I didn’t know who the fuck I was without her. The bitch had changed me. Took me from not giving a fuck about women, not one iota, to worshipping the damn hallowed ground she walked on.
As I pulled Lilah closer to my chest, I breathed in her vanilla scent and held on tight, ‘cause what I was gonna do I was sure weren’t gonna keep her forever with me.
In fact, I was pretty fucking sure it was gonna take her completely away.
But for my woman, the bitch I loved like crazy, it had to be done. She finally deserved some happiness, even if it meant sacrificing my own.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Ky
“Y-you s-s-sure this is g-gonna work?”
Leaning against Styx’s truck, I shrugged, and we both took long pulls of our smokes.
“I ain’t sure of shit. All I know is for the last few days since I brought my woman home, she’s been quiet and thinking all the time. She wants this. She needs this.” I looked to Styx. “She needs her sisters too. They’re the only ones that understand. Hell, for all we know, they feel the same way.”
Styx threw his smoke to the ground and his boots crunched on the gravel at our feet. He moved before me, his dark and stern face worried. “I… I w-won’t l-l-lose M-Mae over th-this.”
I stared off over to my cabin and sighed. “Mae’s chosen this life. She’s chosen you. You ain’t in no danger.”
Styx put his hand on my shoulder and lifted it to tap my cheek twice. He didn’t need to speak. I knew my brother well enough to be certain he knew who I was probably gonna have to give up.