Could he…?
Could Ky…?
No… it was impossible!
“Lilah, baby, you gotta start making some sense, because I’m fuckin’ lost right now.” He leaned in close, his tongue licking along his perfect lips. “You’re my woman. You’ve been my fuckin’ everything since I first saw you. Do you not understand that by now?”
Tears blurred my vision and a disbelieving sob escaped my lips. Ky’s hands held the sides of my head and his face softened at my reaction. “I love you, Li. You’re mine. My woman. My property. My fuckin’ old lady… my fuckin’ forever.”
“But… but I am no longer perfect. I set you free from the devil within me. I cannot tempt you into false love again.”
Confusion clouded his features, then that confusion turned to frustrated anger. “That’s why you did all this shit? You thought I was under some fuckin’ spell? Do you think that little of yourself, Li? To fuckin’ hack yourself up?”
Lips trembling, I said, “It was not just because of you. All any man has ever wanted me for was my face… my body. I have been taken against my will since I was a child. Every touch that was ever laid upon me I was told was due to my evil and sinfully beautiful face. I was taken and touched because men could not resist. I was schooled and taken as a child by Brother Noah because it was how I would be saved.”
I could see rage boiling in Ky’s face, so taking a fortifying breath, I added, “But unlike those men, men that I could tune out, I loved you back. And because I love you so much, I want you to be happy. I could not keep you with me under false pretenses.”
Fighting back all fear, I said, “I could not take living like that for even one more day. All the pain the elders inflicted on me these past few days, the fire they trialed me with, the involuntary joining I was forced to endure with Brother Micah… I just wanted to be rid of the cause of it all. My beauty, my appeal to men has always been the cause of my pain and strife. Segregated because of my blond hair and blue eyes that the disciples could not seem to see past. Shunned from my family for tempting older men into salacious thoughts.” Tears dripped down my cheeks as I added, “I want to be unnoticed. I want not to exist in men’s eyes. I made sure that happened. I want to be nonexistent.”
Ky sat up on the bed, swung his legs off the side, and his head lobbed forward, turning his white shirt-covered back to me. I saw his muscles tensing and his shoulders shaking. Using what little strength I had, I pulled myself up to sitting position and placed my hand on his back.
Ky’s beautifully tortured face turned to mine, his profile regal and strong. “But that’s where you’re wrong, Li. ‘Cause scars or not, hacked-off hair or not, lash marks on your back, a fuckin’ cross burned onto your stomach or not, you are perfect to me. You will always exist to me. And anything you did to yourself to fuck that up didn’t work because you’ll always be the most beautiful bitch I’ve ever seen. You’ll always be the only bitch I’ll ever see, period.”
“Ky, I—”
Whipping around, Ky trapped me on either side with his huge arms, his wide body hovering above mine. “No, Li, you need to listen to me. You were dragged up in a life that did you nothing but wrong. Hell, not fuckin’ wrong. They abused you nonstop, raped you, made you fuckin’ think all the good you got inside or out was fuckin’ evil. It was those sick fucks thinking they were disciples of God that had to make you feel like shit to get their fuckin’ pedo rocks off! I ain’t got no faith. Don’t think I’ll ever reach the pearly fuckin’ gates, but I know if there is a God, nothing those freaks are doing is what he wants. He would fuckin’ love you for you, not your beauty, ‘cause, bitch, who wouldn’t?”
Ky stroked my hair and brushed a kiss on my injured cheek. “I’m gonna love you with all these scars, with this sexy-as-fuck short hair. However the fuck you look, wearing a damn Glad bag if you want. I’m in this with you ‘til the very end.”
Looping my arms around his neck, a surge of love… unconditional love swelled through me, and I said, “I cannot regret it.”
“Regret what?”
Studying his perfect face, I was overwhelmed with happiness. “I cannot regret what I did to myself. I feel I have been set free.”
Ky sighed as if from exhaustion and his forehead touched mine. I closed my eyes, cherishing this miracle. This miracle lying beside me.
“I cannot believe you love me… like this,” I hushed out. “You are my unattainable dream come true.”
Ky shifted to the side and, careful not to touch my injuries, pulled me over to him until I draped over his chest, his warm, protective arms wrapping around my back. I could hear him trying to speak, but he could not get the words out.
Closing my eyes, minutes passed, and I inhaled the comforting scent of Ky. Eventually, he pressed a kiss to my head and said, “I’m gonna make you feel beautiful, baby. And you’ll never be made to feel less than anyone else, ever again.”
A foreign wave of peace filled my soul as Ky lazily ran his fingers through my newly short hair.
“Is it like this with everyone?” I murmured, lost in the feel of his touch.
“Like what, baby?”
“This, how it is between me and you. How we feel for one another. Is this normal?”
Ky inhaled a sharp breath and his hand around my shoulder held me just that bit tighter. “Nah, baby,” he hushed out, adoration clear in his husky timbre. “It ain’t like this for everyone.”