Luka looked down at me. “I’ll get him out, Tal. I swear it to you, as your brother, and as your knayz.”
Luka turned to leave, when my father stepped forward. Luka stilled.
“Luka,” our father said, and cleared his throat. “I am proud of you in this moment. I am so very proud.”
The Pakhan nodded in agreement, and lifted his chin. “You sound like a true knayz, Luka. I’ve been waiting to see this rise in you. Who knew it would have been a Kostava that inspired this change.”
Luka swallowed, and reaching for Kisa’s hand, silently led her out of the door, to their house three doors down.
The room was stifled and tense, and I could feel a shift in atmosphere. Getting to my feet, I walked into my mother’s waiting arms, when my father came forward. I braced for his wrath, for his judgment and disappointment. Instead, he took me in his arms and pressed a kiss to my head.
With glossy eyes, he stepped back. “I couldn’t have lost you, too, Talia,” he said gruffly, causing my resolve to crack. I pulled back, but my father turned away, and dismissed my mother and I with a wave of his hand.
My mother took me from the living room and into my bedroom. As the door shut, she sat beside me on my bed. Reaching out, I took her hand and asked, “What now?”
Mother sighed, and with the experienced strength of a true Bratva wife, she said, “We wait, Talia. We sit calmly, and we wait.”
Chapter Nineteen
Luka
The minute we entered our house, I walked into the living room and began to pace. I was going in. I was going in to the Jakhua hideout for Zaal.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kisa sit down on the sofa, her fingernails in her mouth. Her face was directed toward the window, but I could see by her body language that she was stressed.
She was completely lost in her thoughts.
I focused on my wife, panicking at what she could be thinking, then I thought over the task I was about to undertake. I was going to murder Jakhua and anyone else from his clan that got in my way.
I was going to do this, and I knew how Kisa felt about me fighting. I knew she hated it, but Zaal needed me to save him. Talia needed this. Anri needed this. And I needed to get Anri’s revenge once and for all.
I closed my eyes and tried to calm my breathing. I didn’t know how to balance my need to kill, and what was best for my wife. It was hurting my head. It was making it difficult to breathe.
Hearing Kisa move from the sofa, I opened my eyes to see her making her way toward me. My wife stopped right before me, her face unreadable, and she took my hand in hers. I looked down at our linked hands, and then straight into her eyes.
I was so afraid of what she would say.
“Sit with me, lyubov moya,” Kisa said as she led me to the couch. She sat down, and I did, too. Kisa’s hand was tight in mine. She pulled me in close and pressed a kiss to my lips.
Kisa moaned as I pushed my tongue into her mouth, loving her sweet taste hitting my throat. But then she pulled away, her eyes instantly downcast. My head tilted to the side as I stared at my wife. I had no idea what she was thinking.
Taking a deep breath, Kisa brought our joined hands to her lap, her free hand making small circles on the back of my hand.
The room was silent, apart from our strained breathing. I wondered if she wanted me to explain why I agreed to this tonight, if that’s what she was waiting for. I shifted trying to think of something to say, how to put my feelings into words, but before I could, Kisa said, “It’s funny.” I stilled as she spoke, then she laughed a humorless laugh. “When I was young, I used to think that love conquered all.” Kisa’s hand shook in mine, and I edged closer to Kisa’s side.
She lifted her head, her blue eyes meeting my brown. “But I now know this isn’t true.”
I took a deep breath at her confession, and fear filled my body. Was she…? Was she done with me? Was she telling me she’d had enough of me?
Lifting her hand, Kisa ran a finger under my left eye. I couldn’t speak as I watched her eyes glisten with tears.
Pushing my hand into her long brown hair, Kisa gave me a weak smile and squeezed my hand. “I now know that love conquers most. And I’m okay with that—most.” She shrugged. “No one on this planet is perfect, Luka. So it shouldn’t surprise me that no one can take away all their lover’s demons. That I can’t make you free of your painful past. I can’t make you into the carefree boy you were as a child.” I didn’t dare move as Kisa kept speaking. She leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss on my cheek. “But I can hold you when those demon’s rise. And I can chase them away with a kiss, with a touch, by making love.”
“Kisa…,” I whispered, unsure what to say in response. Her words, what she was saying, they meant everything to me. Kisa placed my finger over my lips, and shaking her head, cut me off.
“I love you, Luka,” she assured firmly, “and I accept the man you are now, wholeheartedly. I accept that you are the two loves of my life—you are both Luka and Raze. You’re the passionate and considerate boy from my youth, the one who would kiss me on the beach and I’d read to each night. But you are also the strong and tortured man from my present. My fierce protector. The man who saved me from a life of grief, the man who holds me in his arms all night. That man needs me just as much as he needs the air to breathe.” I swallowed, trying to absorb every word spilling from her mouth. I tried to wrap my head around that she was finally understanding me. Expressing the way I felt inside. And accepting the man I had become—the man that was both Luka and Raze.
My eyes blurred with tears, and holding my hand she pressed her forehead to mine. “Both Luka and Raze make you the man you are now. One doesn’t exist without the other. Both of their life’s blood runs through your veins, mixing together to be this you. This man right now, holding my hand so tightly, and I will love them both until my dying day, and beyond if God allows it to be the case.”
Kisa glanced away and I watched her swallow her fear, her emotions, Kisa took a long breath, and smiling, turned back to me and said, “So be the man you are now, lyubov moya. Be both my Luka and my Raze. Don’t fight it anymore. Embrace them as sweetly as you do me.” Tears ran down our faces as she whispered, “Be at peace. Finally.”
I lurched forward and wrapped my wife in my arms. I was shaking with the relief of Kisa’s acceptance. Hot tears fell from my eyes as I buried my face in her neck. She just held me close, never letting me go.
Minutes later, I pulled back. Something felt like it had changed between us. A peace had settled in my body. I looked at my wife, my beautiful, perfect wife, and I exhaled.
I lifted my hand and pressed it against her cheek, my stomach rolling at what I was about to confess. “Solnyshko,” I whispered almost apologetically, “tonight, I will kill again.”
Kisa closed her eyes and breathed sharply through her nose. “I know.” Kisa opened her eyes and tried to smile, saying, “because that’s part of who you are, inside. A part of you needs to kill those you feel do wrong against those you love. Raze needs to kill to protect his family. And Zaal, he’s your family.”
My eyebrows pulled down as I wondered if all this was a dream. But by the understanding look on Kisa’s face, I knew it was real. She got me. She’d understood my biggest fear, and in only the way Kisa could, she made it better.