(This Author must concur with Lady Twombley on that note; while this year's selection of debutantes are an amiable bunch, there is not a decent musician among them.)
If there is to be an antidote for the disease of tedium, surely it will be Sunday's fete at Bridgerton House. The entire family will gather, along with a hundred or so of their closest friends, to celebrate the dowager viscountess's birthday.
It is considered crass to mention a lady's age, and so This Author will not reveal which birthday Lady Bridgerton is celebrating.
But have no fear! This Author knows!
LadyWhistledown's Society Papers, 9 April 1824
Spinsterhood was a word that tended to invoke either panic or pity, but Penelope was coming to realize that there were decided advantages to the unmarried state.
First of all, no one really expected the spinsters to dance at balls, which meant that Penelope was no longer forced to hover at the edge of the dance floor, looking this way and that, pretending that she didn't really want to dance. Now she could sit off to the side with the other spinsters and chaperones. She still wanted to dance, of course—she rather liked dancing, and she was actually quite good at it, not that anyone ever noticed—but it was much easier to feign disinterest the farther one got from the waltzing couples.
Second, the number of hours spent in dull conversation had been drastically reduced. Mrs. Featherington had officially given up hope that Penelope might ever snag a husband, and so she'd stopped thrusting her in the path of every third-tier eligible bachelor. Portia had never really thought Penelope had a prayer of attracting the attention of a first- or second-tier bachelor, which was probably true, but most of the third-tier bachelors were classified as such for a reason, and sadly, that reason was often personality, or lack thereof. Which, when combined with Penelope's shyness with strangers, didn't tend to promote sparkling conversation.
And finally, she could eat again. It was maddening, considering the amount of food generally on display at ton parties, but women on the hunt for husbands weren't supposed to exhibit anything more robust than a bird's appetite. This, Penelope thought gleefully (as she bit into what had to be the most heavenly eclair outside of France), had to be the best spinster perk of all.
"Good heavens," she moaned. If sin could take a solid form, surely it would be a pastry. Preferably one with chocolate.
"That good, eh?"
Penelope choked on the eclair, then coughed, sending a fine spray of pastry cream through the air. "Colin," she gasped, fervently praying the largest of the globs had missed his ear.
"Penelope." He smiled warmly. "It's good to see you."
"And you."
He rocked on his heels—once, twice, thrice—then said, "You look well."
"And you," she said, too preoccupied with trying to figure out where to set down her eclair to offer much variety to her conversation.
"That's a nice dress," he said, motioning to her green silk gown.
She smiled ruefully, explaining, "It's not yellow."
"So it's not." He grinned, and the ice was broken. It was strange, because one would think her tongue would be tied the tightest around the man she loved, but there was something about Colin that set everyone at ease.
Maybe, Penelope had thought on more than one occasion, part of the reason she loved him was that he made her feel comfortable with herself.
"Eloise tells me you had a splendid time in Cyprus," she said.
He grinned. "Couldn't resist the birthplace of Aphrodite, after all."
Penelope found herself smiling as well. His good humor was infectious, even if the last thing she wanted to do was take part in a discussion of the goddess of love. "Was it as sunny as everyone says?" she asked. "No, forget I asked. I can see from your face that it was."
"I did acquire a bit of a tan," he said with a nod. "My mother nearly fainted when she saw me."
"From delight, I'm sure," Penelope said emphatically. "She misses you terribly when you're gone."
He leaned in. "Come, now, Penelope, surely you're not going to start in on me? Between my mother, Anthony, Eloise, and Daphne, I'm liable to perish of guilt."
"Not Benedict?" she couldn't help quipping.
He shot her a slightly smirky look. "He's out of town."
"Ah, well, that explains his silence."
His narrowed eyes matched his crossed arms to perfection. "You've always been cheeky, did you know that?"
"I hide it well," she said modestly.
"It's easy to see," he said in a dry voice, "why you are such good friends with my sister."
"I'm assuming you intended that as a compliment?"
"I'm fairly certain I'd be endangering my health if I'd intended it any other way."
Penelope was standing there hoping she'd think of a witty rejoinder when she heard a strange, wet, splattish sound. She looked down to discover that a large yellowish blob of pastry cream had slid from her half-eaten eclair and landed on the pristine wooden floor. She looked back up to find Colin's oh-so-green eyes dancing with laughter, even as his mouth fought for a serious expression.
"Well, now, that's embarrassing," Penelope said, deciding that the only way to avoid dying of mortification was to state the painfully obvious.
"I suggest," Colin said, raising one brow into a perfectly debonair arch, "that we flee the scene."
Penelope looked down at the empty carcass still in her hand. Colin answered her with a nod toward a nearby potted plant.
"No!" she said, her eyes growing wide.
He leaned in closer. "I dare you."
Her eyes darted from me eclair to the plant and back to Colin's face. "I couldn't," she said.
"As far as naughty things go, this one is fairly mild," he pointed out.
It was a dare, and Penelope was usually immune to such childish ploys, but Colin's half-smile was difficult to resist. "Very well," she said, squaring her shoulders and dropping the pastry onto the soil. She took a step back, examined her handiwork, looked around to see if anyone besides Colin was watching her, then leaned down and rotated the pot so that a leafy branch covered the evidence.
"I didn't think you'd do it," Colin said.
"As you said, it's not terribly naughty."
"No, but it is my mother's favorite potted palm."
"Colin!" Penelope whirled around, fully intending to sink her hand right back into the plant to retrieve the Eclair. "How could you let me—Wait a second." She straightened, her eyes narrowed. "This isn't a palm."
He was all innocence. "It's not?"
"It's a miniature orange tree."
He blinked. "Is it, now?"
She scowled at him. Or at least she hoped it was a scowl. It was difficult to scowl at Colin Bridgerton. Even his mother had once remarked that it was nearly impossible to reprimand him.
He would just smile and look contrite and say something funny, and you just couldn't stay angry with him. You simply couldn't do it.
"You were trying to make me feel guilty," Penelope said.
"Anyone could confuse a palm with an orange tree."
She fought the urge to roll her eyes. "Except for the oranges."
He chewed on his lower lip, his eyes thoughtful. "Yes, hmmm, one would think they'd be a bit of a giveaway."
"You're a terrible liar, did you know that?"
He straightened, tugging slightly at his waistcoat as he lifted his chin. "Actually, I'm an excellent liar. But what I'm really good at is appearing appropriately sheepish and adorable after I'm caught."
What, Penelope wondered, was she meant to say to that? Because surely there was no one more adorably sheepish (sheepishly adorable?) than Colin Bridgerton with his hands clasped behind his back, his eyes flitting along the ceiling, and his lips puckered into an innocent whistle.
"When you were a child," Penelope asked, abruptly changing the subject, "were you ever punished?"
Colin immediately straightened to attention. "I beg your pardon?"
"Were you
ever punished as a child?" she repeated. "Are you ever punished now?"
Colin just stared at her, wondering if she had any idea what she was asking. Probably not. "Errr..." he said, mostly because he hadn't anything else to say.
She let out a vaguely patronizing sigh. "I thought not."
If he were a less indulgent man, and if this were anyone but Penelope Featherington, whom he knew did not possess a malicious bone in her body, he might take offense. But he was an uncommonly easygoing fellow, and this was Penelope Featherington, who had been a faithful friend to his sister for God knows how many years, so instead of adopting a hard, cynical stare (which, admittedly, was an expression at which he'd never excelled), he merely smiled and murmured, "Your point being?"