I sensed Carol still behind me. While there was an air of salt from dinner, and soap we were using to clean, I could smell the perfume she used, a little too acidic and sharp for my taste. “For what?”
I didn’t really know. I was forcing myself to be polite even though I was tired and hated this game I had to play around her. I realized it probably didn’t make any sense, but she was waiting for me to answer. I turned to her, looking at the tiled floor, the same tiles I stared at for hours on a stool once as punishment for lying. It seemed a lifetime ago now. I didn’t know why I was thinking about it now. Probably because I was again uncomfortable and looking at the same floor. “For...letting me talk to Jessica?”
Carol gave me a dark stare, rag in hand, her blouse shifting slightly as she was breathing. She glanced toward the living room, where my father was, and then up toward the ceiling, where her son was being very noisy walking around. “Finish up the dishes. We should talk.”
My insides tightened as hard as if I’d swallowed a baseball and it settled in my stomach. I nodded quietly, returning to the dishes and overwhelmed with thoughts of what she could possibly want to talk about that she couldn’t just say here.
Whatever it was, I knew I had to go through it. I needed to find out everything she knew.
Why was part of me hoping she tried something? Something so severe that I could just walk away forever?
Negative Numbers
DR. GREEN
Sean Green was knee-deep in camping supplies that had managed to make it back. Kota’s bedroom floor was covered in sleeping bags. Bins were partially filled with dirty clothing, separated appropriately for washing the loads a few at a time.
He chewed a thumbnail, sitting on the floor, his back against Kota’s bed. He watched Sang on his phone, using the cameras as she ate dinner, and then dealt with Carol while Sang washed dishes.
Sang shook like a leaf. Whatever she was doing, she stared at the floor, shaking, looking tired and defeated.
He couldn’t hear what was said, only watched how she moved. He told himself to keep an eye on her, to look for signs that she was ill. Would she faint again? Why couldn’t Carol see she needed rest more than the dishes needed to be done?
They were doing this completely wrong. Despite what Owen had said to him, there was a sinking feeling in his heart that they were going to lose her in this.
If Carol was anything like his own mother, she’d change Sang into believing she knew what was best. Never listen to her. Never honestly care about what was in Sang’s heart. She’d get stuck always coming back to Carol to prove to her that she was normal, and to follow whatever she said.
Owen wasn’t listening to Sang, either. She clearly didn’t want to be there. At all. She was being brave going through this at such a time, and yet you could tell she hated it.
Sean rolled his head back, staring at the ceiling, trying to control himself.
Too stressed.
Too exhausted.
Don’t make rash decisions when tired. That was always a rule. But it was driving him insane waiting like this.
Getting himself invited over to dinner the next night had already gotten a lecture from Owen.
Not part of the plan. Owen said it was too soon to start with dates. It wouldn’t go well.
Sean didn’t agree. If it got Sang out of the house later, even for an evening, it’d be worth it.
The door to Kota’s bedroom opened and then closed. A loud thud like someone sitting down hard on the carpeted steps that led to the room over the garage.
Kota spoke softly.
Owen couldn’t hear too well, but when he checked the phone again, Sang had the house phone in her hands and was talking into it.
In front of Carol.
Sean smirked, rather proud of Kota. That wasn’t approved. He would have heard from Owen about making phone calls. The only one approved was Uncle, asking to see if she’d come in tomorrow.
Sean eased himself quietly around piles of clothing and bags, crawling to the banister to look over.
Kota sat on the stairs, cell phone against his ear, staring at the closed door.
“I’m with you, Sang. I’m right here.” His voice strained. He was bowed over his knees as he sat, hand at his chest, like he was calming a racing heart.
Sean’s heart twisted. Kota knew about the plan, but word was he didn’t approve of it. Had he changed his mind?
Part of him envied how Kota had risked a good lecture from Owen by making a call without approval, just to talk to her.
He should have thought of it. Maybe he could...
“Miss you already,” Kota said into the phone and then pulled it away from his face, quickly hanging up. He stared at the cell phone in his hand, the screen still lit, with Sang’s photo still up next to the details of the ended call.
Kota clutched the phone tighter. When the screen darkened, he released it, letting it fall down the steps to the first-floor landing, where it clunked next to the door.
Kota bent forward, hands against his head.
“One,” he whispered. “Two...”
Sean gripped the banister posts, feeling a deep wave of sadness wash over him, contorting his face and making his eyes water.
This was tearing them all apart.
Sean moved to the top of the stairs and then quietly stepped down, stopping near Kota.
Kota turned his back on him. He clearly heard Sean, knew he was up here. Kota leaned against the wall, pressing himself against it, as if to give Sean room to walk around. He kept his face covered. His glasses fogged.
Sean sat down next to him. He looked at Kota’s phone on the floor, facedown on the carpet, waiting.
He didn’t want to talk if Kota didn’t want to. But he wasn’t just going to leave him like this either. However long it took, he’d stay until Kota asked him to go, or until he seemed okay.
Kota breathed slowly through his nose and out his mouth. He took his glasses off, set them in his lap and covered his face. “I promised her,” he said through his hands. “I promised her I’d get her out of there. She’s right back where she started.”
Sean wrapped an arm around his shoulder, trying to offer what little support he could. “We’ll get her out.”
Kota bent forward, bringing his knees to his chest, hanging his head down and glaring at the stairs. “We had her out. We should have kept her. We should have made a deal with him. ‘Don’t talk about her and we’ll fix it. We’ll hide her past. We’ll make her disappear so he’s never convicted.’”
Sean breathed out slowly between his lips. He sat back, putting his elbows on the stairs behind him. “Tried. He wouldn’t talk about her, remember?”
“I should have talked to him,” Kota said. He sat up again, leaning on his knees, staring blankly at the door, the front of his hair askew and his cheeks red. “I should have told him the last time we saw him. Right after we pulled her out of the closet. I should have—”
Sean placed a firm hand on his shoulder. “Stop this,” he said. “Stop. You’ll drive yourself insane. We’ve got what we have now. She’s not hurt...” Even as he said it, he didn’t believe it. He knew better.
He was sounding like Owen.
Kota grunted. “She’s hurt. You can hear it. She doesn’t want this.”
“None of us do.”
“Then why are we doing it?” Kota asked, voice rising. He turned to Sean, eyes glassy and face red. “The longer we pretend to go along with this, the harder it’ll be to get her out.”
Sean pressed his lips together hard. If he wasn’t the only one feeling this way, then Kota was right. This was the wrong choice.
“Kota,” Sean said quietly. “If we want her out sooner, we’ve got to work together on it.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“You can’t fall apart on the others. They’ll swoop in and take her out.”
Kota rolled his eyes. “I’d do it.”
“I know,” Sean said. He combed his hai
r with his fingers, thinking. “I don’t think we should listen to Owen. I think we need to work every angle until she’s out completely.”
“We can’t go against Mr. Blackbourne.”
“Despite what you think of him, he isn’t always right. Playing by the rules doesn’t apply when all the rules have already been broken.”
Kota sucked in another breath through his nose. “He hasn’t been following the rules since he met her. I should have seen it before. He’d never break the rules for anyone, not for any of us.”
Sean nodded his head. “He loves her.”
Kota closed his eyes, pushing his palms against them. “Not as much as I do.”
Sean’s heart sunk hearing this. The way he made it sound was testing his own feelings for Sang. “It’s not a competition.”