I simply had to make that final choice, which meant I had to work on my resolve and conviction. They doubted; I had to believe.
“I wish we could tell you more,” Kota said to me. “Unfortunately…”
“It’s okay,” I said. “Please, don’t worry. You said it should be fun and we should make it fun.”
“She’s right,” Dr. Green said. “It’s uncomfortable because we don’t know what will happen. She wants to stay. We want her to stay. How could they tell us no?”
“We shouldn’t worry,” Mr. Blackbourne said. “Perhaps someone should take her home. We can finish up here.”
“I’ll take her back,” Victor said. “Or can I take her to lunch?”
“Take her somewhere random and low-key,” Mr. Blackbourne said, turning his attention to Dr. Green and Kota. “We have other things to talk about.”
This was one of the reasons I needed to belong to the Academy. There were certain things I had to leave for because they had secrets and I couldn’t be involved. As much as I was curious, I had to respect that boundary. For now.
The others talked about upcoming Christmas decorations and eventually Victor and I started saying goodbye as I prepared to go with him. Dr. Green and Mr. Blackbourne shifted boxes and gifts to other parts of the living room. Mr. Blackbourne took over my spot and said he’d help with the wrapping process to get it done.
Victor guided me toward the door.
SECRET GIFTS
I didn’t really begin to breathe normally until we were out in the fresh air, realizing I’d desperately needed that break from the conversation.
At least I was aware of what I needed to do, even if I didn’t know how to do it. For the next several weeks, I’d go over what I would say at the end of it all. I might not know what would happen between now and then, but I thought it would be like preparing for a speech in class. I want to stay with my group. I want to join and be part of their group. I appreciate suggestions, but I prefer to stay with my group.
The words repeated in my head as I followed Victor. Next to Dr. Green’s car was Victor’s BMW. Victor opened the passenger door for me. There was a chill in the air, although the sun was out and warmed the inside of the car.
I buckled in as Victor got behind the wheel.
“I hope you’re not too nervous, now,” Victor said as he pulled the car out of the drive and onto the road. “I know I was when I first went for an introduction.”
“Did they not tell you about it, either?” I asked.
Victor tightened his hands on the steering wheel, his knuckles turning white. “Normally, you wouldn’t even be aware it was happening. Us telling you about it is an exception, because of what we just talked about. I’m not sure how much I’m supposed to tell you about the process at all. But they’re all nice. All of them. I don’t want you to stress out about that.”
I sighed, lowering my head, absently looking at my shoes against the gray of the carpet of the bottom of the car. I fiddled with the zipper of my jacket, watching the light from the window spark against the silver. “Tell me what you can? I don’t want you to get into trouble, but the more I know, the better I’ll be prepared.”
He waited until he turned onto the highway, headed west toward Summerville. He leaned back in his seat as he turned on the cruise control.
“Sang,” he said, glancing over at me for a moment. “Our setup was different. We had Mr. Blackbourne and Dr. Green, who had already graduated by the time they found us. So our entire introduction and entry into the Academy might be different than what you’ll go through. We were in a lot of danger. Not myself as much, but the others were in a whole lot of trouble with their parents. Nathan especially, since he was so young and his dad was home more because his mom had just left. Then there was Gabriel. Kota...”
“Kota?” I asked quietly.
He pressed his lips together, looking out at the road with a low but steady fire in his eyes. “Nathan and Kota got along so well when they were little because they dealt with the same issues.”
Nathan’s father had been very abusive. Nathan had watched his father beat his mother, but then when his mother escaped, his father turned to Nathan, beating him instead.
Kota’s father wasn’t around now. I had a hard time picturing the scene with his mother and sister.
But could this be what had happened? Kota’s story was still in shadow. Would it do any good to bring up his past now? I sensed Victor didn’t feel comfortable talking about it, so I filed my questions away.
“Not that your parents treated you much better,” he said. “Your situation is more complicated, though.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I said, clutching the zipper in my fingers. “If mine ends up being different, that’s okay. You all are my team. That’s what matters.”
Victor smiled at this and flicked his eyes to me for a moment before refocusing on the road. “Just keep thinking that, Princess. It won’t be easy, but being determined to stand your ground is a good attitude going in. They’ll ask you dozens of questions, but if you keep that in the center of your mind, and really believe in it, then they won’t be able to dissuade you.”
I hoped that was the case. I was tired of thinking about it. I needed to prepare, but not right now. “Where did you want to go for lunch?” I asked.
This brightened his face even more and he pressed down on the gas pedal to disengage the cruise control.
???
Later, we were sitting facing each other in a red booth in a small salad buffet restaurant that Victor had said he wanted to try. It was after the lunch rush; only a handful of the dining tables were occupied, and some of the staff were looking a little sleepy.
There was a long silver buffet filled with not just lettuces and vegetables, but also potato, tuna, and broccoli salads with creamy sauces, as well as a baked potato bar, various fresh breads, soups, and chili.
We’d filled our plates with heaping salads before returning to the table. I also had a baked potato and a buttery biscuit, and he had chili and cornbread.
I hadn’t realized how hungry I was until I could smell the butter and potato, as well as the sweet French dressing on my salad.
“North would be proud of us,” I said to Victor after I’d had a few bites of lettuce.
“I might recommend this place to him,” Victor said. He had a hand in his lap while he ate his chili gracefully with a spoon. “I wasn’t sure if you’d like it. You seem to like pancakes.”
“I like different things,” I said.
“Apparently you like salad,” he said, looking at my heaped plate. “That’s something I didn’t know.”
“I used to join the salad line at my old school for lunch. It was usually the least crowded. They usually had more variety, and not the same chicken nugget or pizza options.”
Victor’s gaze held mine for a long moment. I often saw the fire in his eyes, but now that I was looking at him, I realized the color of his irises was brown, something I often overlooked.
Then I realized I was staring and dropped my eyes back down to my plate as I picked at my food. “I’ll try most things,” I said.
“There’s a lot to try,” he said softly. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see he was leaning in, trying to get my attention. I looked up and he caught my eye, holding my gaze. “How was it at Dr. Green’s before we arrived? Did you get a lot done?”
I was still getting used to them wanting me to look them in the eyes while we talked, but this was a little harder to do. How was I supposed to eat if I was constantly looking up?
“There’s a lot of gifts,” I said. “I don’t even remember what most of them are.” Not to mention Gabriel helped with buying a lot of them. I was very grateful he did so I wouldn’t run the risk of forgetting anything. I fiddled with my fork. “I still need to think of what to get Mr. Blackbourne for Christmas. I meant to work that out with Dr. Green, but then we got busy with wrapping.”
“Mr. Blackbourne is the hardest to
buy for,” Victor said. He looked down briefly to take a bite of his salad and then looked back at me. “So you finished shopping? What did you get for me?”
I grinned. “I can’t tell you.” I honestly had a hard time remembering. There were lots of gifts, and a few were for him, and in the chaos of wrapping, I couldn’t remember which one was from me—and technically Luke and Gabriel—and which were from the others. “I almost wish I could have gone shopping alone. That way everyone would be surprised. Kota and Dr. Green, Luke and Gabriel already know what they’re getting from me.”
Victor lifted an eyebrow. “You’d want to surprise them?”
I shrugged and then picked at my salad some more. “Just seems to ruin the fun when they know what they’re getting.”
He was quiet for a long moment, poking his fork at a slice of cucumber. “Do you...want to surprise them?” he asked.
“Gabriel has the cash I had leftover right now,” I said. “Although I’m not very sure how much is left or if it’s even enough. I mean I have a little more at home from this week, but it’s not a lot.”
Victor placed his fork down on his plate and then leaned toward me, the fire in his eyes igniting. “Don’t worry about that,” he said. “Wait here for a minute. Let me go grab something from the car.”