Kota laughed, turning around. He caught me by the waist and picked me up off the ground until the boots almost slid off my feet. I was breathless and hot around my chest and neck with the coat on, even though my legs were numb.
“You missed,” he said, swinging me around.
“I got you in the back,” I said.
He released me and reached for his shoulder, brushing at the clump of slush. He turned back around, catching my chin and smiling. “Are you all satisfied with yourself now?”
“Yes.”
“Good,” he said and looked over my shoulder, winking at someone behind us.
That someone hooked fingers into the neck of my coat and dropped a big handful of snow down my back.
I stiffened, turning. Silas wriggled his eyebrows at me.
I playfully shoved at him, scooped up some snow and prepared to throw it but stopped short. He was standing still as if he didn’t care if I threw a snowball or not. Plus, he was wearing his coat. It made tossing at him less fun.
I changed my mind and was about to run off after Gabriel and Luke again when I did a second take at Silas. I thought of what I could get away with. Keeping my eyes on his, I hooked my fingers into the front of his pants and dropped the dripping snowball down the front.
“Shit,” Silas said, smacking my hand away and pulling back from me. He opened up his pants, shoving a hand in and moving things around, scooping out the little bit that remained and hadn’t already melted against his body. He shivered. “She even cheats at snowballs.”
“That wasn’t cheating,” I said, laughing, although it probably was. I felt a little guilty about it but Silas was smiling and that seemed to make it okay.
“How did you know it was snowing?” Victor asked. He’d been standing quietly to the side, his hands in the pockets of his long trench coat. His hair was nicely mussed on the side where he’d slept. His fire eyes were lit to a simmer, subdued for the moment, but still curious. I wondered if he was bored or too cold to participate, but he looked curious now.
I shrugged. “I just heard it.”
“What does it sound like?” he asked, stepping forward. His wavy brown hair fell across his cheek, a little longer these days. Even in pajama pants and a coat and just having woken up, he had an elegant look to him, and carried himself with his shoulders back, and his head high. “Can you show me?”
Heavy flakes were still falling around us. I’d been sure it wouldn’t last but it was building on the ground. If it continued after the sun came up, it’d turn into a slushy rain, which would get rid of the snow quicker. I looked around the yard. With the other boys playing and scrambling for snowballs, I wasn’t sure it was quiet enough to listen.
I held out my hand to Victor. “I’ll show you,” I said.
Victor perked up at this, as did Silas, Kota, and North. Victor took my hand. He lifted it and held it between his palms, at first warming my cold, wet fingers. I led him away from the snowball fight and toward the two palm trees in the back yard, and the opening they provided between them through the thick section of trees.
I crossed underneath the trees, heading into the flattened grass of the path in the woods behind Kota’s house. Once my hand had warmed a bit, Victor’s fingers intertwined with mine, his thumb sliding between my forefinger and thumb, smoothing out the skin on the back of my hand and warming me. I stepped until we were in the middle of the wide path, away from the hovering tree branches, and where we had a clear view of the clouds above us.
I stopped, stood still and listened. The snow fell around us. “Can you hear it?” I asked.
Victor lifted an eyebrow, shaking his head. “What am I listening to?”
I twisted my lips, finding it as difficult to describe as what music would sound like to someone who had never heard it before. Instead of answering him right away, I closed my eyes and listened harder. The wind blew softly, causing the snow to drift a little. The birds had stopped singing. Cars weren’t driving by. This was how I’d heard it up north. When it snowed, especially the first snow of the season, the world stopped, watching and waiting. Animals stopped moving. Birds were quiet.
I slowly curled my fingers into his palm, trying to warm them. “It’s like the world fell asleep, and all you can hear is it breathing,” I said, my cheeks heating as I realized it was probably stupid. I tried to correct myself. “It’s like fire crackle, very soft. The world’s just quiet enough to be able to hear it.”
Victor didn’t laugh. He covered his fingers over mine. Together we fell into the silence, watching our world blanket with snow.
I turned slightly to see if Kota and Silas were still there.
All six of the others were standing behind us, eyes open, quiet and listening. Their heads were crested with white, as I’m sure mine was. Nathan, Luke, and Gabriel were muddied and wet. Silas had his arms wrapped around himself. North's breath drifted from his nose in visible puffs. Kota touched the corner of his glasses, the lenses fogged at the bottom.
My heart melted like the snowflakes that landed on my cheeks. I don’t know how I knew it in just that moment, but I did.
Snowfalls were better with the boys.
As with many things in my life, they made everything better. Now that I’d experienced it with them, I wouldn't be able to imagine a snowfall without them. As much as they had things to show me, to teach me, I had my own little tricks to show them.
It was the first time I felt I was part of a family and wanted to go through many more experiences with them, sharing everything I knew, and exploring new places with them. I finally felt what it was like to have a family, where you cared what they thought, and wanted to share your world.
Our world. The boys and I. Dr. Green and Mr. Blackbourne, too. I wished they were here to share this. I knew someday, though, that they would be. I wasn’t sure how I knew, I could simply feel it. They were home.
My heart melted like the snowflakes that touched my cheek. I don’t know how I knew it in just that moment. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to. The moment I felt it inside me, I was sure it was wrong.
But I did.
I loved them.
All of them.
And that was the worst feeling I could have because the plan I knew about, the plan some of them wanted and the others struggled with... This new feeling inside of me troubled me terribly.
If I really cared about them, how could I ask them to do something so difficult?
SECRETS TOO FRAGILE
I was one of the last people to return to the house at the finale of the snow fights. When Luke finally admitted defeat due to being too cold, we returned to the house. We left our boots by the back door, and Luke went to find out if the downstairs shower was open.
I went upstairs, finding Kota’s bedroom empty, but the bathroom occupied.
Shivering in my soggy clothes, I contemplated whether I should go downstairs, or strip in the closet and put on warm clothes there.
The warm-looking bed called to me, and I kept my clothes on, crawling between the sheets. I suspected Kota or one of the others would yell at me, but I was too cold to wait for a bath, and stripping in the closet meant I’d get even colder once my skin was bare.
The sound of the shower spraying in the bathroom was starting to get to me, too. Lately, that had become very hard to ignore.
I pulled the pillow over my head, appreciating that it was helping to get my face warm, and using it as a sound barrier.
A hand grabbed my ankle and then tugged at the blanket, but I held on, keeping it where it was.
"Sang," Kota said, his voice muffled through the pillow. "Don't fall back asleep."
"I'm too cold to get up," I said.
"Let me walk you to Nathan's house," he said. "We’ll shower over there. The hot water here will probably run out soon. It’s probably gone already, even with the new bigger tank we installed. My mother is up, and so is Jessica and they've already had their showers."
The thought of trekking over the ro
ad through the cold and snow back to Nathan's house wasn't appealing. I had just started to warm up underneath the blankets. Still, I shivered after all the excitement had drained away. We’d gotten up too early, and now I just wanted to get warm and sleep.
"I'm fine," I said. "Just wake me up in a few hours." It was meant to be a joke because there was no way they would let me sleep after I’d woken them so early over snow.
"Hurry up," he said. He rubbed his hand over my calf, warming me a little over the blanket. "You're not going to want to miss pancakes."
With Erica at home, there would be chocolate chip pancakes. It was what Luke requested every time we were together. The thought of melted chocolate and maple syrup made my stomach rumble. I pushed the pillow and blanket away in a heap and was hit by a new wave of cold air against my wet clothes. A shiver started at the base my spine and moved upward through my body, finishing at my neck. I gritted my teeth. “Cold,” I bit out.
Kota stood over me, wearing a clean pair of jeans and a new green sweatshirt. His brown hair was still a little damp, combed neatly to one side of his face. I suspected it was something Gabriel had suggested, slightly different for Kota, but stylish.