“Gabriel,” I whispered.
A chop landed on my head again. “Shush,” Gabriel said. “Men are talking.”
I laughed, and I poked him in the ribs. He was always picking on me, but I secretly loved it. He was fun and amazing.
“Ow,” Gabriel said, letting go of me with one hand to rub at his ribs, feigning hurt and grinning.
“Hey,” Nathan called from the attic door. “You’ve got Sang back there?”
“Maybe,” Luke called back.
“Get her out of there. Dr. Green said it’s not good for her throat to get all that dry air.”
“God damn it, Luke, why did you let her come back here?” Gabriel shifted, pushing me off of his lap and onto Luke’s.
Luke wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me as we knelt together on the platform. Being passed around like that was making my stomach flip again.
Gabriel had to angle strangely around the beam to weave his way out. He let go of the beam too soon, and fell on his back. He grunted, picked himself up and turned around, reaching back for me. I took his hand, stepping out next to him, crouching again under the short part of the attic space. Gabriel crept ahead of me toward the door. I shadowed him on my hands and knees. Luke angled himself around the beam to follow.
“Oy, Trouble,” Gabriel called from ahead of me. “Like my butt?” He stopped and wriggled at me.
“I like Sang’s butt,” Luke said.
“Hey now,” Nathan said. “Stop talking about her butt.”
I stopped and crouched low, laughing against the floor. It was a mistake as I sucked in a lung full of super dry dust and I started coughing again.
Luke’s arms grabbed me around the waist and Gabriel gripped my arms. They pushed and pulled at the same time to get me out of the attic. I spilled out against the carpet next to Nathan and Gabriel. I coughed a few times. Nathan put a hand on my back, massaging.
I sucked in the cooler air. “I’m okay,” I whispered.
“You keep coughing like that,” Gabriel said, “your voice will never heal and we’ll never get to sing together.”
“That’s probably a good thing,” I choked out. “I can’t sing.”
I escaped the boys for a moment to find water from the bathroom across the hallway. Silas was still working in the bathroom. He was cursing at the pipes in the wall, smacking a wrench against one. I stood quietly to watch him work, lost in the smoothness of his strong muscles in his arms and the curve of his firm jaw. He sensed me and turned, his dark eyes focusing on my face. “Need something?”
I picked up a tiny paper cup from the counter, taking a sip of water from the sink. I held the cup to him. “Did you want some?” I knew I was whispering and he probably couldn’t hear me but he seemed to understand.
His smile returned. He reached out from the tub and I stepped in to hand the cup to him. Our fingers touched. A spark ignited in my stomach. His eyes held mine. “Thank you,” he said.
The moment was too intense for me and I turned from him, walking slowly back to my room. Why were my feelings so confusing? I felt the same flicker of excitement and fear whenever I touched any of them or any of them touched me. I couldn’t understand how anyone got used to those feelings. Part of me was afraid Silas would freak out on me again. Part of me wanted him to. I missed his arms. I missed Kota who was only downstairs. I wanted to crawl into their laps and remain forever. I didn’t want to be here in this house any more. I didn’t want them to leave me. How incredibly lonely I felt in that moment and they were all right there in front of me. I didn’t have the guts to ask for what I wanted.
I sucked in a breath, giving myself some control before I reentered my bedroom. Gabriel was on my bed, spread out on his back. Luke and Nathan were spilled out on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. I sank onto the foot of my bed next to Gabriel’s legs. He shifted slightly to give me more room, bending his knees until his feet were hanging off of the bed. I sat cross legged near him. I wanted to hide in the attic with him again and sit in his lap. I couldn’t find the words or the right way to touch him. I couldn’t reach out to him.
“What’s going on?” I asked. They were quiet enough that I thought someone could hear.
Gabriel turned his crystal eyes to me. He heard. “Hm?”
“What are they talking about downstairs?”
“We’re trying to listen,” Luke said. He put a finger to his lips as he gazed up at me from the floor. He pressed his ear to the carpet.
I slid off the bed, crawling between Luke and Nathan. I put my ear to the carpet, too, and held my breath to hear better.
Kota and Mr. Blackbourne talked over each other. Victor and Dr. Green occasionally cut in. I couldn’t really understand what anyone was saying because of distance and how everyone was talking at once.
I caught one phrase from Kota, “Sang isn’t ever going to know.”
My hand fluttered up to my mouth, and I shoved my lower lip into my teeth. More Academy secrets?
I realized as I was listening that I was staring at Nathan’s chest while on my side. I looked up, catching his blue eyes gazing back at me. He caught my hand at my mouth and brought it to his chest, warming it. He pressed his palm over the back of my hand as he looked at me. “Don’t listen anymore,” he said softly.
“But is it about me?” I asked. “Did I do something wrong?”
Nathan’s face darkened and he reached out to me, pulling me across the floor to him. His arm wrapped around my waist, his fingers spread across my lower back. He held up his head with his other arm as he looked down at me. “We’re listening to conversations not meant for us. They’ll tell us when they want us to know.”
I swallowed. The secrets hung in the air like spider webs. They tickled across my skin but I couldn’t collect them to examine them.
“Sang should know,” Luke said. He rolled across the floor, bumping into me, pressing me back up against Nathan and smashing me between them. I smirked, trying to roll back into him and push him back. He kept coming, grinning.
“We’re not making that decision,” Nathan said.
Luke shoved me into Nathan again.
Nathan grunted, pushing at my back so I rolled against Luke.
“Hey, what the hell?” North called to us from the doorway.
I sat up on my knees to look at him, confused. Nathan propped
himself up on his elbows.
“I leave for a minute and you’re all fucking around with Sang on the floor.”
Luke sat up. “We were just...”
“I don’t care,” North growled at him. “Stop it. Mr. Blackbourne’s going to come up here and kick the shit out of you and then we’ll all get it.” He pointed a finger at Nathan. “You come with me and help me haul this shit up. The rest of you find her homework and help her with it.”
There was a collection of groans. I blushed.
North caught my look and he pursed his lips. “Sang, keep these boys in line, will you?” He disappeared down the hallway. Nathan jumped up, following him down the hall.
Luke fell on his back against the carpet again. “Nag.”
“I don’t feel like doing homework,” I whispered.
Gabriel slid off of my bed, dropping in a heap on the floor. The glint from the light above caught in the three black rings in his ear, and sparked to life the green stones in his lobes.
“Let’s pretend we’re doing it,” he said.
My heart tripped. “Okay.”
Gabriel smirked and shook his head.
Luke picked up my textbooks off of the bookshelf. I grabbed my book bag sitting on top of my trunk against the wall. I sorted through the books, pulling notebooks out of my bag. Of all the things to worry about right now, homework and school were far from my mind. Still, with the work spread out in front of me, I thought if we were going to waste time anyway, I might as well actually do the work. I found a pencil and a sheet of geometry problems.
Gabriel randomly opened a notebook, thumbing through it. “What’s this?” Gabriel asked, holding on to some folded notes.
I blinked at him, sitting up again from the floor. “I thought my mom got all those,” I whispered.
Gabriel unfolded the notes, his lips moving as he read it over. “Goddamn. They’re nasty.”
“What’s that?” Mr. Blackbourne asked, walking in. His eyebrows furrowed and he was frowning.
Kota trailed behind him, his eyes sought out mine. His skin bunched around his eyes, a painful stare. His fingers curled into fists.