“It’s a regular spa,” Blake said. “Not the hot bath one. The pamper and polish one. Massages. Pedicures. That kind of thing.”
“Did Mr. Smith have an appointment?”
“Yeah,” Blake said. “That was the weird part. Mr. Smith has one scheduled every day while he is here, but it was set up prior to our taking off. His first one is after noon tomorrow. He’s getting massages. What I don’t understand is why he forked over cash to Sam when he already had the appointments. It wasn’t like he paid him to boot someone else off the roster for a spot. I’m starting to wonder if it was for something else. Maybe it was just a tip for loading the luggage onboard. But then I don’t know why Sam left the area to go right to the spa.”
“We should go when Mr. Smith goes,” I said. “Let’s find out who else has an appointment around that time. Maybe he made sure to get a room close to or with someone he’s interested in talking to. That seems to be a thing around here.”
“Shouldn’t you and I go?” Axel asked.
I turned to him, blinking. “Yeah,” I said. “I meant you and I go.” Hadn’t I just said that? Or did he assume by we I meant me and Blake? I was planning too far ahead anyway. I was trying not to focus too much on the dinner so I wouldn’t be as nervous.
The elevator doors opened. Blake turned right, heading toward the pool deck. I had a feeling he was going to make a few circles around the ship before coming back to the dining room.
I wished someone else could have went with him. I hadn’t considered Blake to be going off by himself. I bit my lip, unsure, but then right now it was a little too late to change things. I made a mental note to talk to Axel and the rest of them about everyone pairing off, including Fancy and Blake and Doyle.
I held onto Axel’s hand as we walked down the hallway. Then Axel tugged at my arm, pulling me toward a men’s bathroom. I thought maybe he needed to go, or wanted to give himself a last minute look over.
I was about to let him go at the entrance when he kept holding my hand, pulling me in with him. Why? Wouldn’t it be weird if other men were in there?
As it was, the bathroom was empty. This one had urinals with walls between them, no doors, and then regular stalls further down. He went for a regular stall, opening the blue metal door and pulling me in with him.
Okay, I know they had watched me dress, but I didn’t really want to watch him pee. “I can wait outside the door if--”
“Shh,” he said. He pushed the door closed and locked it, then pulled an earbud out of his ear, holding his fist around it like Raven had done, masking our voices from whoever might be listening.
I had my eyes on his closed fist, waiting for him to yell, to complain about the spectacle I’d made of myself back in that bathroom. That sparked the heat inside of me. I was ready, a retort on the tip of my tongue.
The storm in his eyes met my fire. “I just want to know one thing,” he said.
“What?” I snapped.
“Do I need to back off?” he asked. “Did I assume too much before and step in where I wasn’t wanted?”
That wasn’t the question I had been expecting. It shook me up. “Axel,” I said, trying not to be dissuaded, even as I sympathized. Still, I couldn’t back out of this now. No more lies. No more secrets. “Remember when I said the others were interested in me, and you devised ways to let them know what was going on? You wanted to tell them flat out that you were interested in pursuing me and they should back off.”
“Yeah. Of course I remember. What about it?”
“That obviously didn’t happen. And I’m saying it’s obvious why we didn’t just tell everyone flat out. It’s because it’s a bigger deal than you’ve tried to get me to believe. I walked in on an all-guy group where everyone is super talented and smart and good looking...and single. I’m surrounded by all of you constantly. Over that time, they’ve all flirted and they’ve all thought the same thing as you. I thought keeping quiet about the others flirting, with you flirting, I thought that was how I would handle it. I thought eventually I’d wait until I was sure one of you were serious...or I knew which one of you I wanted…something like that.”
“I am serious,” he said.
I held up my hand between us. “Hang on,” I said. “I’m trying to tell you, I can’t possibly make a decision yet. There hasn’t been enough time, and I may not be able to even commit to any of you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, if I commit to one of you, it’s going to break the others at this point. And to be honest, I’m not ready for a committed relationship. So I can’t commit to you. If you want the truth, I don’t know how I’m supposed to handle this. I like you, but I also like Marc and Brandon and Raven. And I kind of like Blake, too.”
He pressed his lips together, the storm rolling around in his eyes. He didn’t like my answer.
“All I know is,” I said, continuing since he hadn’t started to talk. “I need to stop this fight now or you all will go down, and me, too. We’ve got five days on this boat to behave and I’ve got that much time to help you to convince the Academy that we should stay beyond that, if necessary, to help Ethan. I think us being able to get along and get the job done is going to be crucial, and I can’t have you all fighting with each other. I also don’t have the time to juggle to get to know you all properly to make that decision. Not in the right way. So you all need to understand that I can’t commit.”
“So you’re not interested?”
“I am interested,” I said, seething through my teeth. I pushed him, and he stepped back, his back against the wall of the stall. I leaned in, my lips close to his mouth. It was an intimidating thing, doing what he had done before. “But what I said before is true, too. I split my time with all of you, and I don’t seem to get a chance to get to know you. Plus, I need time. I’m not ready for a commitment when my life isn’t stable at all.”
“None of us are stable,” he said in a rush, but then breathed heavily as he stared at my eyes, the wild storm bubbling over. “What do you want, Kayli? That’s what I’m trying to figure out.”
I watched his lips as he spoke. I didn’t know. We didn’t have time to hash it out. I also didn’t want him to think I didn’t care at all. I did. That was the problem. I cared too much about all of them, but I couldn’t let them presume there was any commitment when I didn’t know what I wanted yet. That wasn’t fair.
So I kissed him.
It was a short kis
s, harsh.
He lifted his hand, cupping the back of my head in his palm. When the kiss ended, he tried to hold onto me, to pull me against his lips again.
I resisted and pulled back. “We need to go,” I said. “This is what I mean when I said we don’t get enough time.”
“I have to agree with you on that,” he said. “I don’t really have a solution.”
“I don’t either,” I said. “Which is why I need all of you to back off on the commitment stuff. There’s lots of reasons not to start a relationship at this point. If that means...if it means you lose interest in me altogether, then that’s the risk I have to take. I’m just not ready.”
The corner of his mouth lifted and suddenly the storm broke. “Good enough.”
I lifted a brow. “What is?”
“That you consider my losing interest a risk.” He reached down for my hand and squeezed it. “I can’t treat you like a typical girl I’d date, because you’re not typical at all. And this thing we have, I can’t explain it.”
I stared at him, full of questions. Was this really okay? No normal guy would ever be this good to me. A normal guy would be angry and quit, or tell me to commit or else he’d leave. Axel seemed to understand, at least as best as anyone could in the short time he’s had to consider what was really going on.
I studied him in the blue tie, the clothes that weren’t right for him. A couple of stray locks of his dark hair framed his face, the rest pulled back in a small ponytail. He was incredibly smart and talented, and too good for someone like me.
As we looked at each other, there was a noise out in the bathroom. Someone else had entered. It was hard for me to determine where they had gone: to a stall or a urinal.
Axel pushed me out of our stall the moment a flow of pee started. A man was at a urinal, focused on the task in front of him. I moved quickly to the door. Axel followed.