Lana slowly turned her head and met my gaze. “It means that I love you, Drake. And I know that I’m not supposed to. All you want from me is to be your friend. And I am, but I can’t turn off my emotions. I can’t hide how I feel. I’ve tried.”
Her confession gutted me. I knew that her feelings were strong for me, but I had just brushed it off as a teenaged infatuation. Now, I could see the truth shining at me from those whiskey eyes. Lana loved me.
My heart jumped for joy in my chest. That was all I had ever wanted, and I hadn’t really realized it until this moment. “Lana...” I started to tell her I loved her too, but she went on.
“Maybe I could have kept hiding my love for you. I don’t know. But last Saturday night showed me that I couldn’t keep hiding it. I can’t be just your friend anymore. Especially…” She closed her eyes, swallowing hard. “You brought a girl back to the hotel with you, and I realized that I can’t keep doing this and keep all of myself intact.”
I felt the blood drain from my face. Lana knew about the one-night stand in Vegas…Oh fuck. Our rooms had had connecting doors! Of course she would have known. She probably heard the whole damned thing. Nausea rolled in my stomach as I realized that I had no one to blame but myself.
“I’m sorry, Angel,” I whispered. “I was drunk…” I knew being drunk didn’t excuse any of it, yet drinking had always been my excuse. Now I was going to lose my best friend…
“I know, Drake,” Lana murmured. “I know that you were drunk. And I know that you probably don’t remember much from that night.” Something flashed across her face, but I couldn’t read the emotions in her eyes. “I still love you anyway. I wish I didn’t. I wish I could turn it off and continue being just your friend…but I can’t and that kills me.”
I felt my eyes burn with tears. “Angel…”
“Remember that I told you about the early acceptances? Jesse promised me that I could go anywhere I wanted, and I was still undecided before he married my sister. But…” she swiped at the tears on her cheeks “...but I realized as I tried to drown out the sound of your moans as you… I realized that I couldn’t stay here.”
I went numb. I didn’t feel the blow as Lana said she was going to NYU. I wasn’t sure how deep the cut went, but I knew that when the numbness wore off it would be deep enough that I’d bleed to death. Three thousand miles. My angel was moving three thousand miles away from me, and it was all my fault…
Lana
I was miserable all week as I waited for my sister to come home from her honeymoon. I buried myself in studying, taking care of Lucy, and anything else that kept my mind off of Drake and the many texts he had sent.
Wednesday, I couldn’t take being in the guesthouse a minute longer. For the first time in two years, I put on a pair of sweats and my running shoes. I had been on the track team back at my old school before my mother had died. It had been a requirement that everyone pick an after school sport, but I had loved track. Running had been my outlet to clear my mind when things were so bad at home.
I took solace in it again.
Lucy was asleep on our shared bed as I shut the front door behind me. I headed down the beach, determined to keep all thoughts of Drake out of my head, but it was no use. With every step I took, he was all I could think about. All our time together, all the fun we had shared together, even the arguments replayed in my head.
I ran faster, trying to excise him from my mind by putting unused muscles through a brutal workout. Two miles later, I was out of breath and lying on the beach, staring up at the night sky. Sweat soaked through my shirt and made the cool night air a little uncomfortable, but I welcomed it. The stars above mocked me, and I let the tears fall freely.
I didn’t notice the other runner until he was almost over top of me. Shane stopped with his hands on his knees as he looked down at me. “Lana?”
I sighed. “Hey, Shane.”
He dropped down beside me without asking if I wanted company, which I didn’t. “Are you crying, Lana?”
“Looks like it,” I muttered, sitting up and dusting the sand off my back. I had some in my hair, but I didn’t care. Right now, I didn’t give a flying fuck about anything.
“Did you and Drake have another fight?” he asked, both amused and concerned.
I shook my head, my eyes focused on the waves as the surf hit the beach. “I haven’t seen your brother since Sunday.” I had been able to avoid him but knew that my luck was running out. When Jesse and Layla got home, everyone would know what I had done. There was no way Drake wouldn’t hunt me down then.
“Okay, you don’t want to talk about it.” Shane nodded. “I can understand that. Just know that if you need a shoulder, I have two strong ones to lean on.”
“Yeah, thanks.”
I had hoped that he would get up and continue with his run. Instead, he just sat there with me for the next hour. Neither of us spoke, not a sound uttered, but for some reason it eased some of the pain around my heart. Maybe it was because he was Drake’s brother. We both loved Drake, after all. Or maybe it was just because Shane was Shane.
“I love him,” I whispered, not sure why I was confessing my feelings.
“Yeah, I know.”
“But he doesn’t love me. Not the way I want.”
“I don’t know. Drake keeps a part of himself closed off, a part that not even I can reach, but I know that he does care about you, Lana.” He draped his arm across my shoulders. “Especially after Friday night… Sorry, I heard you guys when I came home…”
I blushed. “He doesn’t remember.”
“Yeah, I figured.” He grimaced. “I guess Saturday night was hard for you. I’m sorry, Lana. I shouldn’t have taken him out with me. Maybe…”
“No. It wasn’t your fault. It’s no one’s fault. Drake didn’t really do anything wrong. I’m not his girlfriend. He’s free to screw anyone he wants.” That didn’t mean I had to stick around to witness it.
“I’m still sorry. This can’t be easy for you. Have you talked to him at all?”
I shrugged. “A text or two.”
We were quiet for a while longer. It was getting late, but I wasn’t sure I could sleep. Shane stood and offered me his hand. “Come on, sweetheart. You have school in the morning.”