"Jackson," he told the hostess. "With an x."
Even now, ten years after his agent gave him the moniker, he felt silly saying it. Invariably, the other person frowned, not understanding. It wasn't like saying "Brandy with an i." Who the hell put an x in Jackson?
"J-A-X-S-O-N," he said when the hostess's brow knitted.
"And your first name, Mr. Jaxson?" she said as she wrote it down beside the reservation list. Before he could answer, her baby blues went double-wide. "Oh, my God. That Jaxson. I'm so sorry. I should have recognized--"
"That's okay. Some days, I'm happy being anonymous. After No Holds Barred, I didn't want to be recognized for months."
Ba-dum-dum. A line he'd used a thousand times, and not worth a snicker, much less the guffaw the hostess gave it. That's the hell of being famous. Everything that leaves your mouth is profoundly witty, profoundly charming, profoundly profound.
"Will your guest be joining you later?" the hostess asked as she led him through the darkened restaurant.
"She just got a casting call about an hour ago," Jaxson said. "She might be late."
The hostess smiled, nodded, promised to keep an eye out, all the time doubtless wondering which starlet Jaxson (Jackson...with an x) was bedding now. He almost felt guilty, as if he were robbing her of some bit of gossip she could sell or barter on the social market. No one would be joining him. There was no starlet. There was Melanie, a med student, but she was neck-deep in her internship and had no time--or patience--for media.
Instead, he ate lunch with the Washington Post. He plowed through his garlic fettuccine--screw the carbs--and finished up with a slice of chocolate cake--double-screw them. He wasn't in L.A. today, so he didn't need to play by L.A. rules.
After lunch he signed an autograph for the server and left her a twenty as a tip--more than his meal cost, but not so long ago he'd been waiting tables himself. Since he'd graduated from rehab, he had precious little to spend his money on. He might as well give a bit to someone who could use it.
Onto the street. Not much danger of being hounded for autographs here. This town might be small but, having attained a certain cachet in Hollywood circles, it saw stars quadruple his caliber every day.
Earlier, circling for a parking spot, he'd seen a conservation area. He could use the solitude, and the exercise after that meal.
He turned around, orienting himself, then spotted treetops to the east and set out.
He'd been trolling all day. Time for a West Coast hit, and this town seemed as likely as any. For hours he'd browsed the shops, tossed bills to the street performers, amused himself running through his options. Tourist, townie, celebrity...tourist, townie, celebrity. There was much to be said for each choice. And there was much to be said for not choosing at all, for simply targeting the first person who came into view.
The woman in Boston had been his first taste of the truly random. Set a trap and whoever falls for it, dies. The thrill of that still hadn't left his bones. The power of it. Power over even his own conscience. It didn't matter who'd walked through that stairwell door--an adolescent paper-boy, a pregnant woman, an old man--they would have died because that's what he'd decided and he wouldn't renege on the deal.
He'd been strolling the main street, savoring his options, when he'd seen the young man. He wasn't the first actor to walk past. He wasn't the biggest. But the young man tweaked a memory of sitting in a dentist's office, flipping through an entertainment magazine. He'd been in there, this pretty-boy actor with the ridiculously spelled name. A chill of delicious deja vu ran through him. Jaxson, model turned forgettable actor. Sharon Tate, model turned forgettable actress. Perfect.
He'd watched the young man, dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt, clean-shaven and polite, stepping aside for others, apologizing when he bumped a passerby, never disappointed when the object of his courtesy didn't leap up and ask for an autograph.
Better and better. The portrait of Sharon Tate painted in Helter Skelter was of a good, sweet-natured girl, the antithesis of the spoiled starlet. Maybe it was true, maybe it wasn't, but it mattered little how someone really behaved, only how she was remembered.
He thought about the page in his pocket. A court scene. No mention of Tate. Too bad...or maybe not. Think of all the overeducated experts he'd rob of a paycheck if he was too obvious. He could see them now, pale-faced professors scrabbling over their stacks of books. A jolt of excitement in flatlined lives. Who was he to take that from them?
Tagging along behind a group of chattering retirees, he followed Jaxson to the edge of a conservation area. As the seniors stopped to snap photos, Jaxson's light gray sweatshirt disappeared down a wooded path and he had to bite his cheek to keep from laughing out loud. If he believed in ESP, he'd almost think that somehow he'd sent out signals, directing Jaxson to the best possible spot for a kill. The strong mind dominating the weak.
He allowed himself a brief smile, broke away from the tour group and headed into the woods.
In the beginning, there was a plan. And it was a good plan. But it wasn't very interesting. It wasn't supposed to be interesting. But, to his surprise, after all these years, the act of killing came with a rush of power, a charge of adrenaline, an excitement that bordered on the sexual. It was as astonishing as waking one morning and getting a hard-on from brushing your teeth.
Jaxson's pale shirt flashed between trees, appearing and disappearing like a lighthouse beacon in a storm. He kept his eyes trained on his target, ears mapping its path when that shirt slipped from view. Undergrowth crunched steadily under the young man's footfalls, and the birds quieted as he approached.
Time to get closer.
He was near enough to smell the actor's cologne, harsh against the subtle smells of nature. Near enough to hear him breathing. Inhale, exhale, the rhythm of life. Moving faster, closer, he felt the first twinge in his crotch, a spark of excitement that would remain but a spark. The power of control. He slid his finger along the ice pick and pulled it from his jacket.
Then, with only a curtain of forest between them, he stopped. It suddenly occurred to him that he had more choices than how to kill and whom to kill and where to kill. He could choose whether to kill. Push to the brink and stop.
When he stopped short, he expected the spark to dwindle, to recede into disappointment. Instead, it surged into a full-blown, fly-splitting erection. He stood there, the ice pick in one hand, and let the other fall to his crotch. One caress, so firm it made his eyelids flutter. Then he put the pick back in his pocket, turned and walked away.
The power of control.
The power of choice.