“If that wasn't enough, they tell me you've been sulking over that girl's transfer. ”
“Liz,” Tori whispered. “Her name is Liz. ”
“I know her name. What I don't know is why it would send you off the deep end. ”
“Deep end?”
“Sulking in your room. Bickering with Rachelle. Gloating over that new girl's setback yesterday. Is your medication not working right, Victoria? I told you, if that new prescription doesn't help, you're to let me know—”
“It is helping, Mom. ” Tori's voice was thick, muffled, like she'd been crying.
“Are you still taking them?”
“I always take them. You know that. ”
“All I know is that if you're taking them, you should be getting better and this week proves you aren't. ”
“But that doesn't have anything to do with my problem. It's—it's the new girl. She's driving me nuts. Little Miss Goody Two-?
shoes. Always trying to show me up. Always trying to prove she's better. ” She switched to a bitter falsetto. “Oh, Chloe's such a good girl. Oh, Chloe's going to be out of here in no time. Oh, Chloe's trying so hard. ” She switched back to her normal voice. “I'm trying hard. Way harder than her. But Dr. Davidoff already came to visit her. ”
“Marcel only wants to motivate you kids. ”
“I am motivated. Do you think I like being stuck here with these losers and freaks? But I don't just want to get out—I want to get better. Chloe doesn't care about that. She lied, telling everyone she doesn't think she sees ghosts. Chloe Saunders is a two-?faced little bi—” She swallowed the rest of word and said, “—witch. ”
I'd never been called anything like that, probably not even behind my back.
But I had lied. I'd said one thing while believing another. That was the definition of two-?faced, wasn't it?
“I understand you don't care for this girl—”
“I hate her. She moves in, gets my best friend here kicked out, shows me up with the nurses and doctors, steals my guy—” She stopped short, then mumbled. “Anyway, she deserved it. ”
“What's this about a boy?” Her mother's words came sharp, brittle.
“Nothing. ”
“Are you involved with one of the boys here, Tori?”
“No, Mom, I'm not involved with anyone. ”
“Don't take that tone with me. And blow your nose. I can barely understand you through all that blubbering. ” A pause. “I'm only going to ask you one more time. What's this about a boy?”
“I just—” Tori inhaled loudly enough for me to hear. “I like one of the guys here, and Chloe knows that, so she's been chasing him to show me up. ”
Chasing him?
“Which boy is it?” Her mother's voice was so low I had to strain to hear it.
“Oh, Mom, it doesn't matter. It's just—”
“Don't you 'oh, Mom' me. I think I have the right to be concerned—” Her voice dropped another notch. “Don't tell me it's Simon, Tori. Don't you dare tell me it's Simon. I warned you to stay away from that boy—”
“Why? He's fine. He doesn't even take meds. I like him and—Ow! Mom! What are you doing?”
“Getting your attention. I told you to stay away from him and I expect to be obeyed. You already have a boyfriend. More than one if I recall. Perfectly nice boys who are waiting for you to get out of here. ”
“Yeah, like that's going to happen anytime soon. ”
“It will happen when you decide to make it happen. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is for a member of the board to have her own daughter sent to this place? Well, let me tell you, Miss Victoria, it's nothing compared to the humiliation of having her still here almost two months later. ”
"You've already told me that. And told me. And told me.
“Not often enough or you'd be doing something about it. Like trying to get better. ”
“I am trying. ” Tori's voice rose in a wail of frustration.
“It's your father's fault—he spoils you rotten. You've never fought for anything in your life. Never known what it was to want anything. ”
“Mom, I'm trying—”
“You don't know what trying is. ” The venom in her mother's voice made my skin creep. “You're spoiled and lazy and selfish and you don't care how much you're hurting me, making me look like a lousy mother, damaging my professional reputation…”
Tori's only answer was a gut-?wrenching sob. I hugged my knees, rubbing my arms.
“You don't worry about Chloe Saunders. ” Her mother's voice lowered to a hiss. “She's not getting out nearly as fast she thinks she is. You worry about Victoria Enright and about me. Make me proud, Tori. That's all I ask. ”
“I'm try—” She stopped. “I will. ”
“Ignore Chloe Saunders and ignore Simon Bae. They aren't worth your attention. ”
“But Simon—”
“Did you hear me? I don't want you near that boy. He's trouble—him and his brother. If I hear of you two ever being seen together, alone, he's gone. I'll have him transferred. ”
* * *
Life experience. I can talk it up, vow to broaden my horizons, but I'm still limited to the experiences within my life.
How can a person understand an experience that lies completely outside her own? She can see it, feel it, imagine what it would be like to live it, but it's no different from seeing it on a movie screen and saying “Thank God that's not me. ”
After listening to Tori's mother, I vowed never to bad-?mouth Aunt Lauren again. I was lucky to have a “parent” whose biggest fault was that she cared about me too much. Even when she was disappointed in me, she'd come to my defense. To accuse me of embarrassing her would never enter my aunt's mind.
Calling me lazy for not trying hard enough? Threatening to send away a boy I liked?
I shivered.
Tori was trying to get better. Rae had called her the queen of meds. Now I could see why. I could only imagine what life was like for Tori, and even my imagination wasn't good enough to stretch that far.
How could a parent blame her child for not overcoming a mental illness? It wasn't like pushing a reluctant student to get a passing grade. It was like blaming one with a learning disorder for not getting As. Whatever Tori's “condition” was, it was like schizophrenia—not her fault and not entirely within her control.