“She never loved me,” he says. “I lied.”
My stomach falls through the floor.
It takes me a long fucking moment to fathom it.
“You what?”
“I lied,” he admits. “I lied about fucking everything. I never fucked her, not even once. The boy is yours, undisputable.”
I’m reeling. Floundering as he stares up at me. “But why?”
“Because I wanted it to be true. I wanted you to think she loved me better. I wanted to believe it myself, so I wouldn’t have to face the fucking rest of it.”
I’ve not seen my brother cry since her funeral. I’ve never seen his eyes crumple into redness as he tries to find his words.
I ask him again, because I have to. I have to understand this fucking insanity.
“What changed?” I ask. “Something fucking changed, Jake. This isn’t right.”
And then the tears fall. Oh how they fall for him. Big sniffling sobs that choke his breath.
I give him a moment, cursing myself for my idiocy. I’m still cursing myself as he speaks.
“You really wanna know what changed, Leo? Really?”
“Really,” I say. “I have to fucking know what changed, Jake, or it’ll be just another fucking mystery on top of all the others. I’m done with unanswered questions. I’m done with guessing.”
He stares right at me, and the look in his eyes makes me question my decision. It’s fucking horrible.
“I got my fucking memory back,” he says.
My mouth drops open.
No. No fucking way.
I’m shaking my head even as he carries on, and already, in some deep part of me, I already know what’s coming.
“It was me,” he says. “I’m to blame for that night. I started the fire.”
I can’t stop shaking my head. “No.”
He nods. “It’s true.”
And it is. I see it in his eyes.
“I’m the one who killed Mariana, Leo. It was me.”Thirty-EightTruth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain’t goin’ away.
Elvis PresleyAbigailI can’t believe he’s still in there.
I can’t believe he won’t run, fast, while he has the chance.
But then again I can.
I can’t imagine Leo running from anything.
I’m close enough to hear their conversation. Close enough to get caught in the flames if this shit really does turn bad.
But I’m not running either.
“What are you talking about?” Leo asks. “You started the fire? Why?”
Jake shakes his head. He looks more broken than terrifying right now, but illusions like that can be deadly. “I got a call from her. Same old shit. Called you a cunt, said she was leaving. Said she needed my help, like always. I came running, like always.” He slams his head back into a container behind him. I flinch at the clang. “She was already in here when I arrived, bringing up those containers on a trolley. You know what she was like. Her fury could move fucking mountains.”
“She shifted the whole lot?” Leo asks.
Jake nods. “Most of it. I took one trolley load off her because she was straining. That’s all. The rest was already done.”
Leo sighs. “She wanted to burn the place down. I always thought she’d eventually lose control of the circus in her head.”
Jake doesn’t look at him. “I said she should just leave, stop the crazy shit and take off. I said I had money, that we could start over. I said we could leave you with the business and move somewhere new.”
“And what about Cameron?” Leo asks.
Jake shrugs. “You know what she was like about Cameron. Hell, I don’t know, Leo. She wasn’t making all that much fucking sense. She said if she burnt the fucking place you’d have nothing to stay for, that you’d go with her and explore the whole fucking world.”
The woman sounds as crazy as sin, but I try my best not to judge her. I just take a deep breath of my own and keep my senses on high alert.
“Were you gonna help her?” Leo asks, and Jake shakes his head.
“Like I said, I suggested we leave together, me and her. I thought it was our chance. I was desperate for that chance.”
He looks desperate too, sitting there. I try to put myself in his place, even though I think he’s a psychopath. How I’d feel already if it was Leo who’d burned in that fire. Times that by the however many years he’d known her. Loved her from afar.
My stomach churns as I imagine this terrible scenario playing out back then. Right here.
It all happened right here. It makes me feel queasy.
Jack carries on speaking. “She said no, of course. All those years of playing with me. Hinting there was something more. Giving me the oh, Jake and calling me up whenever there was any trouble. I thought she loved me. I thought we were victims of someone else’s greedy emotions. Someone who didn’t give a shit, but wouldn’t move on and let other people have a shot.”