The others did their sighs of agreement and I forced another generic smile.
“She is indeed a pretty little thing,” I said, and they kept up their nods and gushing.
That’s when I truly realised how Faith had been right in the car on the Brayburn’s trip. The whole world did in fact still treat her as a little girl. But it wasn’t just her parents, and their pastel pink reluctance to let her grow up. It was the office women and their cooing over her like a schoolgirl on work experience. It was her relatives staring over at her like she was the same little girl they’d been visiting at birthday parties since she was a tiny little speck in this back garden.
There was a huddle of presumably college friends who were more interested in laughing with each other than having anything to do with Faith on her big day, but the rest of this place was a sea of pretty little girl and nothing more.
Ironically, pretty little girl around Faith Martin was both the thing that made my balls ache, and the thing I was most determined to counter, all at once.
She was trying to get to me, I could see it, but everyone en route wanted a piece of her. People were hugging and kissing and pulling her in for sweet little chats, and I kept my distance, fuelling the fire of frustration. She had almost reached me, barely a gaggle of aunties away when Diane clinked a champagne glass at the main table and summoned the crowds to gather.
And then it came. The birthday cake, complete with eighteen pink glowing birthday candles. The happy birthday to you started up, everyone joining in as Faith made her way back up to the glowing hulk of icing and plastered on that baby girl smile, hands clasped tight in front of her as she prepared to blow.
I should have kept at the back of the crowd, but I couldn’t stop myself. I was sucked in, my heart pounding as my beautiful little princess smiled wide. I brushed on through, and I was there, eyes fixed hard as hers found mine, and it was everything. Everything unspoken. Everything deep and wrong and desperate. Everything forbidden and unspeakable.
Everything I needed as much as she did.
She blew out the candles with her eyes still on me, and I clapped just like everyone else, even though my stare was nothing like anyone else’s.
She dropped her eyes as her mother started carving up the cake, and she was blushing, nervous.
I loved how she was nervous.
I was sure to bide my time before finally closing the distance. She was still at the top table with her parents when I approached her, and that blush stayed bright on her face as I handed over the birthday card.
“Thank you, Mr Lindon,” she said, and her voice was such a husky little whisper.
Her parents didn’t notice. They grinned and watched as she opened the envelope, completely oblivious to any hidden agenda in my words, but she wasn’t. She knew exactly what my intentions were.
Fuck, her reaction was divine.
The shock, the swallow, the wide open eyes. The way she struggled to stay still, her gaze shooting between the card and my face over and over as she struggled to truly digest it.
“Oh, how lovely of Miles to get you a present,” Diane said, and grinned over at me. “You’ll have to go and collect it, sweetie.”
“How exciting that you couldn’t have it at the party. I wonder what it is,” Colin said and squeezed her to his side. “Thanks, Miles. How kind of you.”
I’d been getting her presents since she was a baby, but still they acted like it was some grandiose gesture on the generosity front. I got a fresh twinge of self-hate right then, enough to have me make my excuses and leave, nauseous at the knowledge I really was going to sink to the depths as I stepped on out of that garden.
But the self-disgust wouldn’t stop me. Not anymore.
Nothing would.Chapter ThirteenFaithI pulled Holly away from our college friends, barely able to hold back a squeal as I tugged her into the conservatory and out of view of the garden.
I was jumping on the spot as I handed the birthday card over, and her eyes were almost as wide as mine as she read Mr Lindon’s message.
“My God, no fucking shit,” she whispered. “You’re really getting some.”
I tried to calm myself, but it was impossible. My whole body was alive, still not quite believing it.
“That is what it means, right?” I asked in a panic. “He really is going to be my first?”
Her nod was instant. “Hell yeah. He really means it. We’d better get your ass over there quick sharp.”
I pressed my hands to my cheeks. “You really think I should go there tonight?”