I wished I didn’t want to be her first with every nerve in my fucking body.
Replies came in from everyone in the office as the afternoon ticked on. Everyone except her. A whole host of sounds great, and can’t wait, and I’ll make sure she covers everything. But nothing from the girl at the centre of it all.
She was still in her seat as I left the office for the day. I shouldn’t have met her eyes, but I did – a cursory glance that should have lasted a moment. But I was caught, my eyes to her beautiful big blue eyes. And the pain in them.
Fuck, how it ate me up inside to see the pain in them.
She dragged her stare away, but it didn’t make a scrap of difference. That pain was still there, burning hard. Her fingers tapped at her keyboard, but her whole body was alive with it. The pain of rejection so tangible I could feel it.
I’d have given anything to reach out and grab that tight little body and pull her close. I’d have given anything to tip that face to mine and tell her that she was too much of a sweet little girl for a deviant fucking asshole like me to take ownership of.
That I’d hurt her. Stretch her until she screamed and squirted and cried sweet tears at just how tender that dirty little pussy was. That I’d make her mine in the filthiest of all fucking ways over and over.
That she’d be a dirty little slut spread open wide and I’d make her beg for it.
That she’d be punished. Choked. Violated. Used and abused and fucked so fucking hard.
And then I’d tell her how she was worth so much more.
But I said nothing at all, just wrenched myself away and left her to it. I held up a hand to the women in the office as I left that place, marching headstrong out to my car and forcing myself away from there.
Home did nothing to ease my tension. I fired up my laptop and replied to client emails, keeping my attention on that as much as I could manage, and was pretty much wrapped up to completion by the time another Colin Martin email came pinging through.
Party starts at 2p.m. Great you can make it. Faith will be thrilled.
If only he knew the fucking truth of it.Chapter ElevenFaithI tried my best to move past it. I kept my smile bright around the office, and gave my all to learning from the lovely women in the finance team trying to teach me that week, but my belly was a mess of nerves and hurt and disappointment. My dreams were in pieces, no matter what Holly had to say about it still being guaranteed I’d end up taking him. Mr Lindon was barely in the same room as me, barely even raising a hand to me on his way through the finance office anymore.
He was done with me.
Well and truly done with me.
I should’ve given up. I should’ve accepted that Mr Lindon wasn’t going to be the one. I should’ve faced that I’d been floating around on a fantasy and nothing more.
But I couldn’t. Not with that pile of schoolgirl videos I’d sent to myself from his email whizzing through my brain every night while I was trying to get to sleep.
I sat on the pavilion with Holly on Friday night, frowning and showing my true colours to the one friend who truly got them. She slung her arm around my shoulders and puffed on her cigarettes and kept her grin up bright.
“You do know he’s shunting you away because he wants a piece of you so bad, right?” she said. “Believe me, he’s as desperate for this shit as you are.”
I shook my head. “He’s been pushing me away for weeks on end, so the calendar says. He’s really planning on keeping me away from him. For all time, probably.”
She shrugged. “Yeah, so he might be. Doesn’t mean he’s gonna succeed.”
That’s where the twinge came in. The twinge I couldn’t get past. I couldn’t imagine Mr Lindon failing at anything he put his mind to. He was too strong, too sure, too wise and smart and amazing.
I told Holly so and she laughed out loud.
“I’m sure he’s good at most shit, but the guy’s holed up in his office, jerking off to schoolgirl porn to stop himself fucking you senseless. Hell, he told you to finger yourself in his car.” She paused with an even bigger grin on her face. “He’s probably jerking one off at home right now, thinking of shooting his load down your throat.”
I couldn’t hold back a laugh of my own when she made a blowjob motion.
“Seriously, he won’t even look at me in work right now,” I countered.