But I can’t. I stop myself. I hold back.
I step away from her. She bites her lip.
“I’ll see you in class,” I say.
She nods once, turns, and quickly leaves. I watch her go, eyes on her ass.
“Shit,” I say softly to myself.
Truth is, as much as I want to pretend like I have control of this, I know I don’t. I know I can’t hold back, not after getting a taste of her.
That kiss…
It was fucking bliss. And I know I have to have another.
Even if it’s a risk. Even if it could shut this whole project down, even if it could impact my other businesses, taint my whole reputation, destroy me completely.
Clara’s a risk worth taking.5ClaraHoly crap.
I mean, seriously.
Holy crap.
I can still feel that kiss on my lips. I float through the rest of the day like I’m in a dream, and I can hardly believe what happened that morning.
Jason really kissed me. I know that’s real, I mean, it has to be. I can still feel it on my lips.
But it can’t be real. He’s twice my age, my professor, he’s rich and famous, he’s way out of my league.
I have no clue why he would want anything to do with some random undergraduate girl like me.
And yet he kissed me.
He took the risk.
And it felt really, really good.
I’m practically bubbling over with excitement. I basically burst into our apartment at the end of the day and go running up to Mac’s room.
She’s sitting at her desk, head buried in a book.
Literally, head buried in the book. She lifts it up only when I knock.
“Kill me,” she groans.
I hesitate. “Philosophy?”
“Who cares about materialism or idealism? Oh my god, it’s so boring.”
I grin at her. “I have something you might like.”
I know I probably shouldn’t tell her, but I trust Mac. I’ve told her everything and she’s never betrayed me, never come close. I know she’ll keep this secret no matter what.
Plus, I can’t help it. I’m bubbling over. I need to talk about what happened.
I sit down on her bed and she looks at me. I’m smiling ear to ear like a moron.
“Okay, why are you so happy?” she asks.
“I kissed Jason.”
She frowns a little. “That guy you met at the frat party last month? The kind of fat one?”
“No, not that Jason,” I say, rolling my eyes. “My professor. Jason Turner.”
She stares at me for a second then laughs. “Very funny.”
“I’m not kidding, Mac. It happened this morning after the other guys left. We just started talking, and he mentioned risk, and he… kissed me.”
She blinks rapidly. “Holy shit.”
“I know.”
“No, seriously, holy shit. You’re not joking?”
“Mac, I’m not joking. This is serious, you can’t tell anyone. It could ruin his career. It could ruin mine too.”
“Okay, okay, wow.” She stares at me. “I know he’s hot and it’s like a really sexy kink, but like, actually doing it?”
“I know,” I say, grinning.
“I have to admit, I am both impressed and really jealous.”
“Oh my god, it was amazing. Seriously, Mac, just amazing. I can’t stop thinking about it.”
She frowns a little bit. “Are you sure this is okay? I mean, he’s your professor.”
“I know, but I think he gets it. I don’t think he’s, like, going to use this against me.”
She grins at that. “I’m more worried about you using it against him.”
I laugh. “Kiss for a B, blowjob for an A.”
“Just a blowjob? Girl, I told you. I’d give up the butt.”
I roll my eyes, still grinning. “I don’t know what it means or if it’ll happen again, but it was… amazing. Seriously, it was amazing.”
“I’m happy for you,” she says seriously. “Just be careful.”
“I will, will.” I shake my head. “I thought you’d be more excited.”
“Honestly, I’m just like totally taken aback right now. I can’t believe this is real.”
“It’s real.”
“Think it’ll happen again?”
“I hope so.”
She grins at me. “You bad girl. You’re thinking about giving up the butt, aren’t you?”
“No,” I say quickly. “Come on, be serious.”
“I am serious. His hands on your hips, slapping your ass, thrusting into you from behind. I bet you’d love it.”
“I kissed him. I don’t know how you’re making the leap to anal.”
“Just how my mind works, I guess.”
I roll my eyes and stand up. “Look, don’t tell anyone, okay?”
“Okay, okay. We’re not done talking about this yet, though.”
“Fine, I just need to shower.”
She jumps to her feet. “I’ll sit in with you!”
And so I take a shower while Mac sits on the toilet, and we go over every single detail of that kiss.
It feels good to talk about, but one thing keeps playing through my mind, one nagging question.
Is it going to happen again?The next day, I have a normal class with Jason. I sit toward the back like I always do, but I can’t help staring at him the whole time.