But it’s like we’re a world apart. People move around the halls, smile at me, step away quietly. They act like I’m about to rip them into pieces.
I guess I’m not surprised. My own staff is afraid of me now that I’ve torn everything apart.
“Adam?” Charles asks.
I frown at him. “Sorry, did I miss something?”
He grunts, shaking his head. “You’re distracted.”
“I always am.”
We step into the Oval Office. It’s mercifully empty for once.
I walk over to my desk, the symbol of my office. I don’t want to get anywhere near it.
“You’re thinking about her.”
I look back at him, surprised. “What?”
“You’re thinking about Maggie. I’ve noticed a change in you.”
I frown slightly. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Ever since this all happened, you’ve been thinking about her. But you’ve been different. Like you’ve lost the energy for the job.”
I shake my head. “I still have plenty of energy, Charles.”
“No, sir, you don’t.” He steps toward me. “Listen, Adam. As a friend. You should go talk to that journalist.”
I stare at him, clearly surprised. “What?”
“Go talk to her. Explain to her what you’ve been doing with Maggie. She’ll see… I know she’ll see.”
“See what?”
He smiles at me. A rare thing from Charles. “That you’re in love with the girl.”
I blink, not sure what to say.
Charles watches me carefully, his smile getting bigger.
“I don’t know—” I start saying, but he cuts me off.
“Come on, Adam. Enough bullshit. I thought that girl was going to be bad for you, bad for the country. I thought she was going to confuse you, distract you, keep you from doing good, but…” He shakes his head. “She energized you. Made you stronger. Smarter. Without her…”
“But love—”
He laughs again. “Come on. Are you still in denial?”
I stare at him and slowly shake my head. “No. I’m not.”
“Good. Go after her.”
He’s right.
I know he’s right.
I’ve been thinking it for a while now.
No, I’ve been feeling it.
Maybe I haven’t admitted it to myself. I haven’t let myself see the truth, see what was right in front of me.
It’s so obvious. I bet everyone knows but me.
I’m in love with her. I’m in love with Maggie.
I haven’t felt like this in a long time. Not since my wife and son died. I haven’t been able to let myself. And maybe I didn’t realize what was happening.
But this is it. This is real.
I fell in love with Maggie, and now I can’t stop it.
As if I’d want to.
“Clear my schedule,” I tell him. “And get that journalist on the line. I want to talk to her.”
“Very good, sir,” he says, grinning.
“Face to face. Have her come in if you can.”
“I will, sir.”
“And Charles—”
“Don’t thank me until you have the girl.”
I laugh, shake my head, and head into the Oval Office, my heart feeling lighter than I’ve felt in a long, long time.* * *Linda Torres looks at me from overtop her glasses, a slight frown on her face.
“What are you saying, Mr. President?” she asks.
“I’d like to talk to you about Maggie,” I say again.
“Are you admitting that there’s a relationship between the two of you?”
I sigh. “Listen, Linda. Can we speak off the record?”
She hesitates, but nods. She reaches into her bag and turns off a recorder she had in there.
I’m not surprised. I assumed she was recording everything. I mean, she wouldn’t be a great journalist if she weren’t.
She raises an eyebrow expectantly.
I sit back in my chair. I know this is a huge risk. Whatever I say now will affect the future of my presidency.
More than that. It’ll affect the future of my life.
Everything I am, everything I love, hinges on this moment. If I do it wrong, if Linda doesn’t react the way I think she will, it can all go to hell. Everything I’ve ever wanted, completely gone.
“I’m in love with her,” I say.
She blinks, surprised. “Excuse me?”
“Maggie. I’m in love with her.” I sigh and smile. “God, that feels good to say. You’re the first person I’ve actually said that to, did you know that?”
She stares at me like I’ve lost my fucking mind.
Hell, she’s not wrong. She’s a journalist investigating me for having an inappropriate relationship with a much younger staffer. This could completely destroy me.
And I’m admitting to it. More than that, I’m admitting that I’m in love with her.
I bet this has never happened in the history of the country.
She takes a deep breath and slowly lets it out. “I don’t know what to think about that, sir,” she says finally.
I nod a little. I suddenly feel so fucking tired.
“I don’t either, honestly,” I admit. “I know we can’t really have a future. Not really, not right now at least. If this got out, it would ruin both of us. She’d get it worse than me. I mean, look at Monica Lewinsky.”
Linda winces. “Yes, well.”