She sits in the chair in front of my desk and I sit down next to her, not bothering to go around. She clears her throat, fidgets a little bit.
I know what’s coming. “You don’t have to,” I say softly.
She hesitates. “Do what?”
“You’re uncomfortable, awkward. I’m guessing you’re here to apologize.”
She glares at me. “I was, but now I don’t think I will.”
I grin. “Good. I just told you not to.”
She leans back in her chair, shaking her head. “Even when you’re nice, you’re still an asshole.”
“Can’t help myself.”
“Seriously. Can’t you just let me apologize?”
“Okay. Go ahead.”
“I’m sorry.”
I take a breath and let it out. “How’d that feel?” I ask her.
“Fine,” she says.
“Liar.”
“Okay, I hate apologizing.”
“Everyone does. It’s like an admission of guilt.”
“I’m not wrong for the way I reacted,” she says.
“Not exactly, no,” I agree.
She hesitates, surprised. “I figured you’d disagree.”
“Here’s the thing. I was right to kick you out, and you were right to be upset. That was a stressful situation and very few people react very well under stress. That’s why I had to get rid of you to do my job.”
She nods, looking away. “I get it.”
“So your reaction was wrong… but it wasn’t. At least it was a normal reaction.”
“I just hated that you were treating me like any other patient.”
“I know,” I say softly. “I had to, though. There’s already talk.”
“Talk?”
I hesitate. I’m not sure how much I should tell her about this. “People know about the two of us, or at least there are rumors.”
She groans. “That’s so embarrassing.”
I glare at her. “Is it?”
“No, I mean, I just don’t like having my personal stuff out there. I hate that people are talking about me.”
I nod. “I hate it too, but it’s already happening.”
“Is this going to be bad for your career?”
“I don’t know,” I admit. “It could be,”
She looks concerned now, leans toward me. “Why did you wait for my grandmother?”
I smile a little. “I thought it might help.”
“That’s all?”
“It’s not because of you, if that’s what you mean. Although I bet the nurses are talking about that, too.”
She leans back in her chair, crosses her arms. “You do that for all your patients?”
“Actually, yes. At least I’ve done it before.”
“Really?” She looks surprised. “That’s actually kind of sweet.”
“But I’m still an asshole, of course.”
“Of course,” she says, nodding along.
I stretch my legs and stifle a yawn. “You’re very devoted to your grandmother,” I point out.
Ruby looks down at her hands. “She’s been very good to me.”
“How?”
She chews her lip a little. “Paid for my college when my parents wouldn’t. Watched me a lot when I was growing up. She basically raised me.”
“Huh,” I say softly. “Why? Your parents weren’t around?”
“They were, they were just… very religious.”
I raise an eyebrow. “In what way?”
“In the kind of way that makes them not care about their own daughter just because she isn’t as devoted as they are.”
I let out a sigh. “That must’ve been hard.”
“It was until my grandmother started spending more time with me. I was never good enough for my parents and because I didn’t believe like they did, somehow I was broken. Eventually they gave up on me, and my grandmom stepped in to fill the void.”
“That must’ve been hard.”
“It was, but I think she saved me back then.”
“Ah,” I say softly, “now you’re returning the favor.”
“That’s your job, actually.” She grins at me.
“I’ll see what I can do.”
She bites her lip again, the smile vanishing from her face. “She is going to be okay, right? That really was just the medication you had her on?”
“Yes,” I say. “It was the medication.”
“And she’ll be okay?”
I hesitate. I hate saying this out loud. It’s a bad idea to tell a patient’s family that their loved one is going to be fine, especially when they aren’t completely done with the treatment yet.
I think her grandmother is going to be fine. She’s trending in the right direction again and it’s a straightforward issue. Dot is a strong old woman and I think she has some more time left in her after all.
Still, I don’t want to get Ruby’s hopes up.
“I think so,” I say finally. “But I’m never sure.”
She nods once and looks at the floor. The look of disappointment on her face nearly drives a spike through my heart.
I get out of my chair and onto my knees. I don’t know why but I kneel in front of her, taking her hands in mine, looking into her eyes.
“I promise, I’ll do my best to make sure you have more time with her,” I say. “Honestly Ruby, I’ll do everything I can possibly do.”
“I know you will,” she says, her smile returning a bit. “I’m just afraid.”
I kiss her then, softly and slowly. She returns my kiss and I can feel a chill of desire run through my body.