I slipped back and she turned to face me, breathing hard, face red and hair messy. I smirked at her and leaned up against the shelf next to her.
“They don’t, uh, have security cameras in here, do they?”
I shrugged. “I’ll have him delete the footage.’
She turned even redder, which I didn’t think was possible. I couldn’t help but laugh.
I kissed her and held her tight against me.
“Relax. There’s no security camera in here. It’s not that sort of place.”
She sighed and shook her head. “You’re such a dick.”
“Can’t help myself.”
I held her there in the firing range. My body vibrated with her, with the need for her, and I wanted to tell her things—tell her how much I wanted her around, how much I didn’t want to let her go.
How badly I wanted to free her.
But I felt her tense up after a minute and pull away. She didn’t meet my gaze as she dressed and walked a few feet away like a pacing cat. She finally forced a smile, and I wanted to know what the hell just happened, but I knew I couldn’t ask.
“So, uh, can I shoot my new gun?”
I laughed and pulled my jeans back on. “By all means, go ahead.”
She gave me a strange half smile then walked into the stall, put on her hearing protecting, and spent the next hour firing off round after round while I dutifully reloaded for her.
But the magic had slipped away. I don’t know how or what happened. Something went through her mind, some thought she kept hidden deep inside of her for moments like this took her away from me. Or maybe it was the sheer fact of our situation, that I was more or less her captor, that I was keeping her in chains for my own self benefit.
She knows those chains are a fantasy though. She knows I won’t hurt her or her mother if she decides to run, and I never would have.
But the threat and the situation remained.
I’d have to fix that. But for now, I watched her shoot, and let myself feel content for the first time in a long time.18LeighIn my post-orgasm haze, when every inch of my body felt good and all I wanted to do was melt into his arms and stay there for eternity, one thought ran through my mind: I love this monster.
And that scared the hell out of me. It scared me so much that no matter how long I spent shooting after that, it never felt right again. I never got that magic back.
I tried not to let it show but I didn’t speak to him on our drive back to his place. He dropped me off then went out again, and I spent the afternoon in the house, drifting from room to room, trying to decide what I wanted and who I was and what my future would become.
I wasn’t a captive. Not really, not anymore. I was sure of that now. He freed me earlier, freed me by admitting that he wouldn’t hurt me or my mother if I ran away. I could go now, go at any point.
I didn’t have to sell his drugs.
If I stayed, it meant I wanted to stay. Nothing held me here beyond my own will—and even if I wanted to pretend like he held some kind of sword over my head, some kid of threat, I knew that wasn’t true with certainty now.
If I stayed, it meant I wanted to stay.
That scared me so much that around three, I packed a bag and walked out into the comfortable afternoon sunlight.
It was easy to get home. I got a train and rode it north. I stared out the window and ignored my phone when it rang. I knew it would be Owain but I couldn’t talk to him right now, not when I had so much to figure out.
I got off the train at Levittown Station which was right behind Bristol Pike. I stood on the platform and stared around at the grass, the trees, the quiet movement of the suburbs, and finally took my phone out of my pocket and called my mother.
She answered after a few rings. “Leigh?”
“Hi mom.”
“Leigh, honey. I’ve been so worried. Is everything okay?”
“Everything’s fine.” A stab of guilt spiked through her. After Jason, she shouldn’t have disappeared like that. She knew her mom was struggling to accept Jason’s death—she couldn’t handle her daughter disappearing as well.
“Where are you?”
“I’m actually at the train station right now. I was kid of hoping you could pick me up.”
A short silence. She could practically see her mother standing in her small Levittown kitchen like a deer, eyes wide, body still.
“Are you hurt? Are you in trouble?”
“No and no. I’m fine, honestly.” I took a deep breath and prepared to lie to her. “I’ve just been struggling with Jason dying.”