“Why are you asking if we were engaged? Did you remember something?”
I had asked him not to lie to me, so it was time I did the same. “Yes. You getting down on one knee and asking me to marry you on the bridge. It didn’t come to me when we were actually at the bridge, but when you dropped me off last night I remembered. When you asked if I was okay, it came out of nowhere. Then, last night, I found this.”
Reaching into my purse, I felt for the photo. I pulled it out and looked at it, then showed it to Nolan. He nearly slammed on the brakes as he pulled over to the side of the road. He took it from me, his hands shaking.
“I have an engagement ring on my finger in that photo. Nolan, how long had we been engaged?”
He slowly nodded. “Yes, we were engaged. I asked you to marry me when we were in college. We were both home on a Christmas break when I asked you on that very bridge.”
I nodded and exhaled, suddenly feeling a strange warmth move through me. “We were together when the accident happened?”
His head snapped to look at me. “You remember the accident?” The way his face contorted in pure horror stunned me.
I stammered my reply. “N-no. I don’t remember it at all. I meant we were still engaged at the time of the accident?”
He swallowed hard. “Yes. We were getting married that weekend.”
I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand. “What?”
Nolan closed his eyes, and I could see the memory take hold of him. His breathing picked up, and he looked like he was about to be sick.
“Tell me what happened, Nolan. Please.”
He shook his head. “I-I can’t. You’ll hate me, and I can’t bear the thought of losing you again.”
This time I was positive I was the one who looked like I was about to be sick. I could only say one word. “Why?”
He placed his hands on the steering wheel and then dropped his forehead to it.
My hands started to sweat, and I noticed they were shaking. “I’ve been having memories. They’re coming more and more, and I think it’s because I’ve been spending time with you. You sneaking up into my room, making love to me. You asking me to marry you. I’m almost positive my dreams are memories and not figments of my imagination. I know we were in love. I know you walked away from me for a reason, and I have a feeling you came to France on more than one occasion. A man doesn’t do that if he isn’t madly in love with the person. You let me walk away for a reason, Nolan.”
He didn’t say a word.
“You became a test pilot after my accident.”
“How did you know that?”
“You wrote me a letter after you joined the Academy. I found it last night, in a box that had this photo in it. You mentioned pilot training, but you didn’t say anything about being a test pilot. I’ve heard people say you take risks, unnecessary risks, that you’re an adrenaline junkie. I heard someone at Nolan’s birthday party comment on how you’ve rarely been back to Boerne in the last eight years. Once for Truitt’s wedding, and the second for Nolan Jr.’s baptism. You jump out of helicopters and planes and Lord knows what else. They didn’t know I was standing there, of course, or I don’t think they would have spoken so freely. I’m not so sure you’ve always been that way. Call it a gut feeling.”
“No one in this town should be butting into my business,” he spat out.
“Do you?”
He frowned. “Do I what?”
“Take risks? Have dangerous hobbies?”
Nolan stared at me for the longest time before he answered. “Yes. I also have a dangerous job, but that doesn’t mean anything. You knew what my job was—I showed you and your dad the videos. What can I say? I like the thrill, the adrenaline rush. I’ve always liked it.”
I nodded. “Why, though? Why did you become a test pilot? Why do you do these dangerous hobbies?”
His eyes filled with tears, and he blinked rapidly to gain control of his emotions. His reply was so soft and low, I barely heard him. “So I can forget for a little bit.”
My heart instantly broke in two. Whatever had happened eight years ago, it had caused him pain as well. The only difference was mine may have been physical, while his was emotional. My mind had protected me from the emotional and shut it out, and his had not.
I cleared my throat and gathered every ounce of strength I had. “Were you in the accident too?”
He nodded.
“How did it happen?”
His brows pulled in even tighter, and I saw the conflict on his face and in his eyes. For a moment, I wanted to throw my hands up and yell, ‘Wait! Don’t tell me, I don’t want to know!’ But I did want to know. I needed to know. I knew that if things kept progressing with our relationship, it had to come out. If not, it would always be between us. This secret. The reason it was buried.