Holding up my hand, I laughed. “Here, hold a few in your hand, and when they walk up, put your hand out. Look out for 480, though.”
Her eyes widened, almost exactly like they had the first time I did this with her. “You want me to hand-feed them?”
“Yes.”
“The cows?”
I nodded. “Yes. Are you afraid of them?”
She glanced back at the herd of cattle all standing there, waiting. “Oh God,” she mumbled.
“Bubba, toss some out.”
“Yes, boss.”
“Once he tosses some out, they’ll all head that way. But the ones who aren’t afraid of you will walk up.” And sure enough, number 480 came directly up to Linnzi.
“Nolan, she’s almost here!”
I laughed once more and held out a cube. “Hold it out, and she’ll take it from you. Like this.” Holding out a cube, the cow took it with no issues.
“It’s your turn.”
Linnzi held out the cube exactly like I did, hand open flat with the cube in the middle, and let out a gasp when the cow gently took it out of her hand, with a bit of slobber left behind as a thank you.
With a smile as wide as the Grand Canyon, she held her hand out for more.
Bubba started up the truck and began moving down the line, dropping the cakes, and we stood there and fed a few cows that were too curious to move on.
“This is amazing!” Linnzi said with a giggle. When we ran out of cubes, she simply wiped her hands on her jeans and started to follow them. “I would love to do this,” she said, more to herself than to me.
“Do what?”
“This!” she said, her arms open wide as she did a full three-hundred-and-sixty-degree turn. “Live on this ranch. Feed the cows. Milk the cows!” She stopped and looked at me. “Do you milk the cows you have?”
I couldn’t help that my smile turned into a chuckle. “No, we don’t. My mother used to, though.”
“That’s right. Well, I want to milk cows and goats and make goat cheese and goat something that you put on your face that I saw in the airport the other day. I want a garden where I grow my own veggies. I don’t think I could eat number 480, though. Not after feeding her.”
“Well, I would simply not tell you if it was 480.”
The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. I waited for her to mention the fact that I had assumed she was actually talking about this ranch—my ranch—someday being our ranch. But Linnzi didn’t miss a beat.
“Let’s make a deal right now.”
“Okay,” I said, feeling my heart drop slightly at not knowing what she was about to say.
“Anytime you grill up steaks and serve them to me, let’s pretend they were bought at the store and not raised here on the ranch.”
I nodded and tried not to smile like a damn fool. “It’s a deal.”
Linnzi glanced back over her shoulder. “The horses are following us!”
“They’re trained well. You should see the cuttin’ horses.”
“What are they?” she asked.
I reached for her hand and laced my fingers in hers. “I’ll show you next time I’m in town.”
She smiled, but it didn’t fully reach her eyes. “I forgot you’re leaving. I know I don’t have a right to feel this way, but I feel sad. Like I just got you, and you’re leaving again.”
I squeezed her hand. “I won’t be gone long.”
I watched her glance down and smile. “So, no more bad memories to keep you away?”
Swallowing hard to chase the lump in my throat, I stated, “They’ll always be there, but I’m pretty damn excited about making new ones.”
We spent the rest of the morning riding the ranch, and I showed Linnzi some of my favorite areas. Then we made our way over to the hunter’s cabin for lunch, where we were joined by Truitt, Saryn, Liliana, and baby Nolan. It was a nice surprise for Linnzi, and she and Saryn quickly fell into a conversation about Saryn’s latest DIY project.
Truitt leaned in and asked in a hushed voice, “How are things going?”
I slowly took in a deep breath. “Way better than I thought.”
“Any memories?”
With a shake of my head, I answered, “No. But she’s dreaming about me. They could be memories or simply dreams. She seems to think they’re memories.”
Truitt saw the look on my face. “Nolan, maybe you should tell her. If she remembers…” His voice trailed off.
That familiar fear gripped at my chest, like it had a million times over the last eight years. “How do I tell her, Truitt? Hey, by the way…”
At that moment, Linnzi looked over at us and smiled.
“It’s gone on for too long now,” I said, watching her. “I really think if she was going to remember, she’d have remembered by now.”
“She’s also been gone,” Truitt said. “Gone for over eight years. She clearly knows there was something between the two of you. Why is she not asking any questions?”