His smile faltered, but only for a moment. One quick moment.
“He’s your mystery man?” Saryn shouted.
“Mystery man?” Nolan asked, his eyes bouncing between us in confusion.
A rush of excitement ran through me as I felt my cheeks warm. This was the man I saw at the coffee shop. The man I had followed. The man who appeared almost nightly in my dreams.
Before I could think better of it, I blurted out, “Did you send me the flowers?”
Nolan’s head jerked back so hard, I wasn’t sure how he hadn’t hurt himself. “How did you know that was me?”
Now I felt lightheaded. He’d just admitted it. He was the man in Paris. He had sent me flowers. I clearly knew him at one point in my life, that black hole I’d tried to close up for over eight years, and he made me feel utterly…I honestly couldn’t explain how I felt in this moment. Alive. Filled with longing. And something else I wasn’t sure I was ready to admit to myself.
I swayed slightly while the room felt like it tipped. “Oh my God. Wait. Hold on. Wait.”
“Sit down, Linnzi,” Saryn said as she guided me to one of the chairs at the small table set off to the side of the kitchen. I looked back over my shoulder at Nolan. He stood there with a look on his face that was a mixture between horror, excitement, and confusion.
Lord Almighty. He was even more handsome, if that were possible. The only difference between Nolan now and my mystery man from back in Paris? He had replaced the baseball cap with a black cowboy hat. And the way it made his eyes stand out left my body feeling very, very warm.
I squeezed my own eyes shut as a sudden memory came rushing forward so hard and fast, I dropped down into the seat.
“I’ve always wanted to make love to you while you wore a black cowboy hat. With you sitting in a chair.”
I swallowed the sudden lump in my throat and let myself look at him once more. We had indeed shared a past. Or was that a fantasy, another dream that I’d conjured in the lonely nights spent in Paris?
Shit. Shit. Shit. It was clearly a memory. Saryn’s words started to come back to me. She had mentioned Nolan so many times, and the hopefulness in her voice now made sense.
“You were there, waiting for me, weren’t you?” I softly asked.
Nolan came over and sat down in the chair next to me. I couldn’t seem to pull my eyes away from him. All those days I stared down at that stupid café and prayed I would see him again. I still had one of the roses he’d sent pressed into my worn-out copy of Pride and Prejudice.
He looked torn about how he wanted to answer.
My voice trembled as I barely got my next words out. “Please, don’t lie to me, about any of it.”
There must have been something in my eyes, because he smiled so sweetly and said, “Yes. I was there because I knew you were there.”
I felt myself sway, and he reached up and placed his hands on my shoulders to steady me. An instant rush of desire passed through me.
Oh my goodness. Oh my…goodness.
“Did you come to Paris other times? Besides that day, I mean?”
He looked down sheepishly, then took his hat off and ran his fingers through his brown hair. If I hadn’t been so off balance, I would have thought it was rather sexy. Scratch that, even being off balance, I found it sexy as hell. I longed to push my own fingers through his hair, let them trail down those broad shoulders, and... I needed to cut those thoughts off now. Especially since Saryn was still standing only feet away.
“Yes,” he softly answered. “I came a number of times to see how you were doing.”
A familiar memory came to me. One I’d had over and over for the last eight years. I was in bed with this man as he made love to me. He kissed my breasts, whispered he loved me, and then slowly kissed up my neck and breathed my name into my ear. For the first few years, I hadn’t been able to see his face. I thought for sure I had simply used my Paris mystery man’s image purely to put a face to the man who’d filled my nights with the most amazing dreams. In my dream, I had always whispered his name back, but I could never hear the damn word. I would wake up frustrated and near tears. Now, I could hear it vividly.
“I love you, Linz.”
“Nolan, oh Nolan, I need you.”
My hand came up to my mouth, and I had to look away from him. It felt like more than a dream. Good God, it was a memory. Had they all been…memories?