I know Jase is right, and it tears me in half. I need to protect Fallon, but I don’t want to cause my friends any further pain.
To my surprise, Dad says, “Kao said he’d think about it.”
I can’t bear seeing what I’ve done to Fallon. I just can’t.
“Sorry, Mr. Reed, but thinking about it isn’t enough.” Then Jase snaps at me, “Just tell us what’s going on. God, none of this makes any sense.”
I clench my jaw, keeping my eyes and mouth shut.
If I thought that would be enough to deter Jase, I’m sorely mistaken.
“Kao, don’t fucking sit there and ignore me. I’ll stand here until you speak to me.”
To make matters worse, Noah asks, “Are we finally having an intervention?”
“Fuck,” I grumble. “Would you all just back off?”
“Nope.” Again Noah lets the ‘P’ pop, and it has me fisting my hands to keep from responding.
“We’re here because we love you, Kao,” Dad tries to reassure me.
A couple of seconds of silence pass, then Jase shouts, “Kao! Stop this fucking shit!”
My eyes snap open, and even though I can’t see anything, I glare in Jase’s direction. My anger spirals out of control and darting to my feet, I yell, “I hurt Fallon! Okay? Are you fucking happy now?” My breaths rush over my lips, and every muscle in my body is tense.
“Far from,” Jase growls. “That doesn’t explain shit to me.”
“I hurt her,” I grind the words out. “She’s scarred because of me!” I shake my head as all the guilt whirls with my anger, and it creates a turbulent storm inside me. “I was supposed to keep her safe.”
“Hold on,” Jase says, and I hear him move closer until his voice sounds up right in front of me, “Are you refusing the transplant because you feel guilty?”
Fuck. I should’ve kept my mouth shut.
“Is Jase right?” Dad asks.
When I don’t say anything, one of them places a hand on my shoulder. I realize it’s Jase when he says, “Kao, that’s the same as me taking the blame for what happened to Mila.”
I shake my head hard. “I was the one driving.”
“The truck driver caused the accident,” Dad says. “You did everything you could to keep Fallon safe. You took the full brunt of the impact.”
“You’re going to punish yourself by staying blind? That’s bullshit,” Jase grumbles. “You’re putting us all through hell because of misplaced guilt.”
Jase is like a dog with a bone, and it has me admitting, “I can’t face seeing what I’ve done to her.”
A bark of laughter bursts from Jase. “So you’re going to hide from it? Seriously?” His grip on my shoulder tightens, and I feel him lean closer. “I fucking manned up and stood by Mila. I was the one who took her nightmares, her fucking broken body, her agony, and fear. I’m the one who heard her cries, and they will haunt me forever,” he bites out. “But not once did I hide from it. Grow a fucking pair and do the same for Fallon.”
His words knock the breath from my lungs.
Fuck. Jase is right.
He didn’t back down once. He stood by Mila like an indestructible force.
Fuck, I was taking the easy way out, not wanting to face what I did to Fallon. I’m such a fucking coward.
But I still won’t saddle her with my being blind.
“I still can’t be with Fallon,” I admit.
“Why?” Jase demands.
“Even if I go through with the transplant, there’s a chance it won’t work.”
“Ten percent,” Noah argues. “The odds are good you’ll see again. Let’s focus on the positive.”
“Still,” I take a deep breath, trying to breathe through the hell raging inside me, “Too much can go wrong. I won’t tie Fallon down with a disabled man.”
“Let’s deal with that when it happens,” Jase says. “Just be a friend to her until you know for sure. No one’s forcing you to date her.”
Easier said than done. Will I be able to just be a friend to her?
Jase must see something on my face because he continues, “Are you done being an idiot now? Will you have the transplant?”
Knowing I don’t stand a chance against Jase, Noah, and Dad, I nod.
“Thank fuck,” Noah mumbles.
I feel Dad rise to his feet. “So I can tell Dr. Davis to go ahead and schedule the surgery?”
“Yeah,” I mutter.
If the surgery is successful, I’ll just have to face what I’ve done.Chapter 8FALLONAnxiety claws it’s way up my spine as Mom begins to peel back the dressing from my cheek.
My eyes keep darting between the mirror and the counter, not sure whether I can handle seeing the cuts. When I see the first glimpse of red, I shut my eyes tightly.
Mom pauses for a moment. “It’s going to be okay. Dr. Menard will remove all the scarring. I’ve seen his work, and he’s really the best.”