I begin to stumble in the direction of the door, or where I think it will be. Every step makes my heartbeat speed up.
I’m fucking useless now.
I hear my breaths as they burst over my lips. My skin prickles, and bringing my arms up, my hands keep touching empty air until I knock into something hard. It feels like the wall, and I move my hands over it until I finally reach the door.
I have to get out of here. I’m fucking losing my mind.
I manage to open the door and stick close to the wall as I step out of the room.
The darkness stretches endlessly around me. It strips me of my independence and makes me… blind.
Pressure builds in my chest, and I begin to breathe faster, but it doesn’t feel like any of the air is getting to my lungs.
With my back plastered against the wall, I bleakly try to glance around me.
The blow hits again.
The pressure builds more.
Bringing my hands up, I grip fistfuls of my hair as I try to breathe faster.
I feel paralyzed. Lost. Dead.
I’m alone in the dark. So fucking alone.
My body jerks as tears threaten to fall, and I bring my hands down to cover my face.
“Kao?” I hear Noah’s voice.
It’s become so unbearable, I instantly turn toward the sound of his voice and reach out. Noah takes hold of my arm and pulls me back into the room. I hear the door shut, and then his arms grip me tightly. I grab hold of Noah, knowing I’ll fade to nothing without him.
An agonizing gasp escapes me, and I shake my head, unable to accept that my life has ended.
I’m only twenty-three.
This can’t be it. This can’t be my future.
This can’t be all that’s left of my life.
“We’re going to fix everything,” Noah murmurs.
I shake my head again. “She’s scarred,” I whisper. “I’m blind.” I tighten my hold on Noah as the guilt and despair rip through me once more.
“One thing at a time. Go for the surgery. Let’s get your vision back,” Noah tries to convince me.
“Not now,” I grind the words out, unable to cope. “I can’t handle fighting with you now.”
Noah’s arms become steel bands as he keeps me standing. “Okay,” he murmurs. “I’ve got you. We’ll get through this.”
Nothing he says helps to ease the fear and hopelessness. Shutting my eyes, everything I was, everything I lived for, is stripped from me.
Something dies inside me, and I begin to pull back, but Noah grips me tighter and growls, “Don’t you fucking dare push me away. I won’t let you. You’re my fucking brother, and I’ll take all your shit, but I won’t let you shut me out.”
Feeling numb, I stand in his arms as I whisper, “Noah.” It feels like I’m shutting down. “There’s… nothing.” It feels like the darkness is swallowing me. “Just nothing.”Chapter 6FALLONThe past three days have been the hardest I’ve ever had to endure. The shock of Kao’s reaction to my injuries and him refusing the cornea transplant still shudders through me.
I can’t make any sense of what happened.
Unable to stay away from him, I stand outside his room. I’m trying to build up enough courage to go inside.
I want to see him before I go back to Trinity. My parents wanted me to go home, but I don’t want to fall behind with my studies. Also, staying close to my friends helps ease the heartache a little.
I take a fortifying breath and then push the door open. When I walk into the room, Noah’s eyes dart to me from where he’s sitting next to Kao’s bed.
Noah looks so tired.
I move closer, and my gaze shifts to Kao.
“He’s sleeping,” Noah whispers. “We had a rough night.”
Instantly a lump forms in my throat. I stop on the other side of the bed, and my eyes slowly caress every inch of Kao. Staring at his beautiful face, the sting from the cruel words lessen.
For a deceitful moment, it almost feels normal. Like Kao and I haven’t been torn apart.
Not able to stop myself, I lean over him, and I press my lips to his cheek. I take a deep breath of his scent.
God, I love him so much. Please let him come back to me.
All I want to do is lie down beside him and hold him until we’re both healed. I want to pretend there isn’t a gaping hole between us.
Instead, I have to force myself to pull back.
When I see the hard lines around his mouth, I know he’s awake. The relaxed look is gone and replaced with anger.
I shake my head, not able to accept what’s happening between Kao and me.
We are stronger than this. We were inseparable. We love each other.
Don’t we?
I’ve never actually said the words to Kao, but I’m sure he knows how I feel about him. There’s never been anyone but him.