“Haven’t been with anyone since I was last checked.” Twice a year, mandatory physical with Vault, but that wasn’t the only reason. I hadn’t been with a woman since London. There was no one else. Even knowing I may never see her again, there wasn’t a single moment that I considered having sex with anyone else.
I reached over and yanked her up on top of me. “There’s no possibility of pregnancy. Ever.” All Vault operatives were sterilized since Mother took over and the farm came into existence, a way to make certain no child we fathered or mothered became more important than them.
As she straddled me, her mouth inches away, I wanted to kiss her so fuckin’ desperately. I hadn’t tasted her lips before. I had never tasted any woman’s. It was too personal.
But everything about us was personal.
“That isn’t always a hundred percent, Kai.”
True. Especially since the doctor they used to do the procedure had been unwilling and under extreme duress. “Neither are condoms.” She smiled. “No more talking, baby. Now I want to hear you moan.” I reached between us and placed my cock at her entrance then I slowly tilted my hips as I pushed inside her. It was agonizing because my body wanted to thrust when my mind wanted to savor. My mind won.
She was tight as hell and it never felt better. It was like every inch of my body remembered what it felt like being deep inside her and it was screaming yes.
She wiggled a bit and I sank deeper. I grabbed her hips and she latched onto my arms and started moving. “Kai. Why does it feel so good?”
I knew the answer but I wouldn’t say it. Not aloud. Never.
“Harder. Kai.” I helped her move up and down my cock, while watching her head tilt back, eyes closed.
It didn’t take long before I knew I couldn’t hold off any longer and it was almost disappointing. But imagining this moment and it being so fuckin’ long since I had her, control was not on my side. The sweet flush on her cheeks, the way her lips slightly parted as she panted, it undid me.
“Fuck, London. I can’t wait.” I flipped her over on her back, still locked inside her. Then I thrust hard and fast as her ankles locked behind my back. “Yes.” I groaned as she met my rhythm, our bodies slapping against one another.
“Oh, God, Kai.”
And that gravelly voice saying my name had me coming inside her in a violent rush, like a tidal wave crashing down on me and taking every part of me that I had control over and breaking it apart.
I thrust a few more times, her clenching around me, hands on my heated chest, legs now relaxed on either side of me.
Jesus. It was like coming home inside of her.
Her hand rose and sifted through my hair. “You kept your promise.”
I leaned in closer, my cock still sunk inside her and kissed the side of her neck then worked my way up to her ear. “What promise is that?”
“Always.”
“Yes.”
“Thank you for not giving up on me.”
I didn’t reply because there was nothing to thank.
“Kai?”
“Yeah?” I pulled out and rolled onto my back.
She sat up, holding the sheet to her chest. I liked that she still had that shyness with her nudity despite what she’d been exposed to. “The drug my father was working on, what is it for?”
“Control.”
“Over?”
“People, London. Control over people.” Except it wasn’t just people. It was dangerous men like Connor. I threw my legs over the side of the bed, bent, grabbed my jeans and tugged them on as I stood.
I heard her shift closer to me. “Why?”
I ignored her question because there was so much to tell her and I didn’t want to get into it now. “You can’t run away from here.” I didn’t think she would, but I had to say it.
She was silent several seconds before she said, “I couldn’t stay there… at home. The way everyone looked at me. My father… everyone knew.”
“No. You knew. It just felt that way.”
“I couldn’t function. I was suffocating. My dad wouldn’t let me go back to my loft and the medication was messing me up. All I wanted to do was die. And the doctor… he wanted me to talk about it and I couldn’t.”
“Because you didn’t want to face it.”
A tear trailed down her cheek. “I….”
She couldn’t say it, so I helped her. “It was easier being Raven than to fight your way back.”
She nodded, her chin dropping. “Yes.”
“No shame in that, London. You did what made you feel safe.”
Being Raven was who she’d become and living as London surrounded by those who loved her was suffocating. Her mind had been trained to submit and suddenly, she had nothing to submit to. She’d been lost, and afraid of facing what happened so she ran.