Won’t you resent me if we don’t have kids?
Won’t you stop trusting me?
Won’t…
I lean back and look up at him. There was a time when I’d fight in order to avoid being vulnerable, but we’ve long since passed it. I bite my bottom lip, hating that my throat feels thick. “Once we make that call, there’s no changing our mind or hitting the reset. You can’t have buyer’s remorse on a baby.”
He smooths my hair back, his expression achingly gentle. “There’s nothing saying we need to do it now. We can wait.”
For once, he’s not getting it. I wrap my hands around his wrists. “That’s just it. I don’t want to wait. I want babies, Hook. Multiple babies. I want them so bad, it scares the shit out of me. Which is why I’m sitting here, freaking myself out with all the things that can go wrong.”
He’s gone so still, I’m not sure he’s breathing. “What are you saying?”
After everything I’ve just dumped on him, it makes no sense that this is what trips me up. I gather up every scrap of courage I have. “I want… Do you want to have a baby? With me? Like in, say, nine months or so?” He’s still staring at me, so I start babbling. “My annual appointment is next week, and it’d be really easy to get the IUD taken out. I think we have to wait a month after that before we can really start trying, but that just gives us plenty of time to practice…” I trail off. Hook’s eyes are shining a little. Oh fuck, did I mess this up, too? I tighten my grip on his wrists. “I don’t have to, though. We can wait. I can make an appointment to take it out whenever. Or never. Because if you’re not ready—”
“Tink.” His voice is hoarse. “Beautiful girl, I’m ready.”
My breath catches in my throat. “Really?”
“Yes.” He breaks into a heart-stopping grin. “If you are, yes, a thousand times fucking yes.” Hook makes a valiant effort to temper his excitement. “But if you change your mind, that’s more than okay, too.”
My chest feels both tight and achingly light at the same time. I find myself grinning right back. “Really? You really mean it?”
“Fuck yes.” He cups my face and presses a light kiss to my lips. “Our kids are going to be hellions. You know that, right? They’ll be climbing the walls and spitting attitude and driving us crazy.”
“I know,” I whisper. “I can’t wait.”
It doesn’t seem possible, but he grins harder, beaming at me. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” I wiggle out of the blanket and shift to straddle him. “Think Allecto will agree to babysit?”
For a second, actual alarm flickers through his joy. “You’re joking, right? She’ll have the kid for an hour and be teaching them knife-work.”
“Mmm.” I drape my arms around his neck. There’s still a tiny bit of unease, but I don’t know if I’ll ever truly banish it. From what I understand, most parents live in fear of fucking up their kids. I guess that makes me startlingly normal, at least in this. I don’t know why that’s weirdly reassuring, but it is. Regardless, it feels like talking through it was enough to take away the worst of the fear, paving the way for excitement to take hold. “Want to start practicing now?”
He hooks an arm around my waist and turns, bearing me down to the couch. “Fuck yeah.” Hook settles between my thighs. But instead of kissing me, he props himself on his elbows and looks down at me. “Thank you for telling me what you were feeling. I know that shit doesn’t come easy to you, and I value the trust you put in me.”
Gods, he’s going to make my heart melt with that kind of talk. I reach up and cup his jaw, his beard tickling my palm. “It’s not easy, no, but you make it easier. I know I’m a mess; I’m going to be a mess for our entire lives.”
He turns his head and kisses my palm. “Haven’t you figured it out by now, wife? We’re both messes. That’s the human condition. It doesn’t define us any more than any one thing does. It’s just part of us.”
“When did you get so smart?”
He pretends to think. “Well, I married this really smart lady. She’s kind of an asshole sometimes, but she makes me up my game.”
That startles a laugh out of me. “I’m not the only one who’s an asshole.”
“Guilty.”
“And you’re right. Our kids are probably going to be assholes, too.”
He grins. “Good thing I’m great at dealing with assholes then, huh?”
I give his shoulders a playful shove, toppling him off the couch and onto the floor. I don’t expect him to take me with him, but I land on my knees, straddling his waist. I frown down at him. “Was this all a ploy to get me to ride your cock?”