"That's nice." Exhausted, Claire sighed. "Please don't stop."
Corday thumbed a spilling tear from her cheek. "I won't, Claire."
In the voice of a broken thing, Claire began to feel more than endless choking malaise; she felt disgust… for herself. "I hate that name."Huddled close to her friend, like children whispering secrets, Claire woke. Though her body ached, she was warm, surrounded in a scent of safety, and grateful for the boyish smile Corday offered once she'd pried her sticky lashes apart.
Cautious and gentle, he smoothed her tangled hair. "You look much better."
They were so close she could see the night's stubble on his cheek, smell his breath.
He seemed so real.
Sucking her split lower lip into her mouth, Claire felt the sting. Tasting the scab left when that woman, Svana, had struck her for refusing to spread, made the nightmare real again. It was as if Svana were in the room with her, as if the Alpha's hands remained wrapped around her throat.
Claire struggled to breathe.
Corday broke through her growing terror. "You're okay, Claire. I'll keep you safe."
It wasn't a dream, it was real. Claire grew to understand that the more Corday spoke, the more he touched her, the more she felt the sun on her face.
How had she even come to be there?
She was separated from Shepherd, in a great deal of physical discomfort, naked, and Corday had taken her in, despite the fact that she had drugged him—lied to him.
She had to remind herself out loud; she had to make herself remember. "I jumped off the back terrace of the Citadel… crashed into snow."
"And you ran here," Corday finished for her.
She had, before air had even returned to her lungs she'd scampered up and fled. "I ran as fast as I could… right to your door." Voice breaking, trembling something fierce, Claire sobbed, "I'm sorry, Corday."
Seeing her panic, he tried to calm her. "There is nothing to be sorry for."
"I drugged you," she whispered. "I lied. And now he'll find you. He'll hurt you."
"He won't." Corday grew earnest and severe. "You can trust me. There is no need for you to lie to me again. I can't help you if you lie."
"If I had taken you to the Omegas, he would have killed you, just as he killed Lilian and the others." Claire looked to the pillowcase lightly crusted with her blood. "He punished me… I'm pregnant."
Corday already knew. He'd smelled it almost the instant Claire had been in his arms. There was only one way such a thing could have come to pass. Shepherd had forced another heat cycle.
There was very little he could say, little he could do, but one thing Corday could offer her. He looked her dead in the eye and asked, "Do you want to remain that way?"
What a question… Claire had to think, recognized she had been clinging to the Beta to the point where it must have made his shoulder ache. Easing her hold, she measured the little bit of human that she still was, and knew she had not wanted a baby yet. More so, she had foolishly allowed herself to develop an attachment to the monster that had filled her womb, a monster that was using her like a broodmare—a beast whose lover had tried to kill her.
Claire pressed her hand to the tiny life growing inside her. She could rid herself of the issue; abortion was a common practice, probably accessible even now. She could have Shepherd carved out of her.
After a shuddering breath she admitted her horrific truth, "I don't feel anything, you know. Inside… I feel nothing at all."
He gave her space, offering a lopsided smile. "I know it might seem like the world has ended for you, Claire, but you are free now. You're a survivor."
She could not help but sadly smile at a man who would never understand. "Survivor? What kind of future do you see for me? I was pair-bonded to a monster to be his toy, drugged into an unnatural heat cycle, impregnated against my will so I would grow devoted, and then forced to listen to the Alpha who was supposed to be my mate fuck his lover—a very scary Alpha female who wrapped her hands around my throat, who shoved her fingers inside me right in front of him."
He couldn't stop a grimace. "Shhh. This can be made right."
"It's okay for us both to admit there isn't going to be a happy ending for me." Claire sat up, holding the sheet to her chest, empty. "I have no future, but I can still fight for them."
Brushing back her hair, wanting to pull her nearer, Corday restrained the desire to embrace the sad-eyed woman. "If you step outside that door and try to take on Shepherd, you won't win."
"I won't win… but I am going to act out." A goal, something to cling to, hardened her voice. Claire sneered. "I'm going to do everything I can to make noise. And if they catch me, I'll make sure they kill me."