Sam grinned, remembering the conversation she'd had with her mother on the Fourth of July. They'd been at Sam's parents' house for their annual picnic, and she and her mother were replenishing bowls of food her dad, her brothers, Chris and Geoff had demolished like locusts.
"That Chris is one nice young man," her mother said, filling up the potato salad bowl anew. "A hard worker, and kind. Kind is important." She gave Sam a significant look.
"So's a really nice butt." Sam elbowed her mom with a grin. "Both he and Geoff have that."
"That's true enough." Her mother sniffed. "But you already know love is more than a nice body."
"Maybe, but if I agree, you'll go into full-blown matchmaking. You don't like Geoff?"
"I like them both. There's just . . . Geoff can be a little intimidating at times. I'm not sure if he'd be the best long-term partner." Her mother had paused thoughtfully. "But he's smart, and I'm sure he'll be successful. And there's a sharpness to him that says he'd always take being the head of a family very seriously. Sometimes Chris is a little too . . . unfocused. Not in a bad way. I think he'll just need people in his life to give him direction and purpose." She sighed. "Too bad you can't just put the best parts of both of them together. Then you'd be all set. If you were interested in either one of them, that is."
"Mom," Sam said with mock severity. "No matchmaking."
"Can't help it. It's a mother's right."
***
Her mother had inadvertently pointed to the exact solution Sam had reached herself. The two men together filled all her empty spaces and corners, and she thought maybe it worked the same for them. She hoped so.
Jace, her oldest brother, would probably be the first one to accept it. That thought took her to another get-together, this time a cookout they'd had at their own house, within the past couple of months. They'd invited a few friends and, since her brother only lived thirty miles away when he was home on leave, she'd invited him and his current flavor of the month.
It wasn't as derogatory as it sounded. She usually liked the girls Jace dated; it was merely obvious that he was with them for sexual companionship, rather than a long-term relationship. With Jace's looks and personality, he never lacked for female company to warm his bed when he was home.
Maybe Sam was overly romantic, but she believed it was never too early to find the love of your life, and she wanted that for him. She understood he was pretty dedicated to his military career and didn't feel there was yet room in it to start a family. He was always honest with and kind to the women, so she didn't have to go after him for being a dick. However, given his attitude toward his own relationships, he'd shown a surprising level of insight into her own situation.
At the cookout, she'd left off her teasing of Chris about his grilling style when Geoff had chased her away with a spatula, telling her outdoor cooking was serious man business. Jace was already eating one of the first round of burgers, so she came over to sit with him at their picnic table. As she leaned against him companionably, he gave her a bemused look. "You involved with either of them?" he'd asked in a neutral voice. "Or both?"
She was glad she wasn't eating anything, else she would have choked. Her knee-jerk reaction was to deny, to elbow her brother as if he was making a joke, but since he wasn't playing, suddenly she didn't want to do so, either. She hadn't broached anything with Geoff or Chris yet, though she'd been percolating on it more and more.
Out of all her siblings, she was closest to Jace, so it made sense that he'd picked up on what she hadn't yet voiced to anyone else.
"No and yes. It's complicated."
"Hmm. Can't choose?"
"Don't want to. Not sure . . . if I need to." She stole a glance at him, uncertain what she'd see in his expression.
Jace took a few more bites before he said anything else. "Well, it sounds strange saying this, but you three look good . . . as a unit. And you're happier than I've ever seen you. So whatever's happening or going on, as long as you stay that way, I'd say follow your heart. They're good men. Both of them. But if they fuck you over, I'll kick their asses. You know that, right?"
She put her arms around him. He was wearing his Captain America T-shirt, a gift she'd given him after he finished his first tour in Iraq. He'd worn it so much it was thin and fading. She loved him for that, despite the ribbing she knew friends in his unit gave him about it. "They watch after me as well as you do," she promised him. "They'd never hurt me on purpose. Whatever happens, whatever I decide . . . We'll make our stumbles together, if that makes sense."
"Yeah. Not like me and Traci. She's not all that much into the stumbling." He smiled at the pretty blonde he'd brought with him. She was chatting with one of the wives of Esteban's landscaping crew. "Think she's mostly about hooking up with a hot military guy. When she realizes I'm no different from any other jerk who leaves his underwear on the floor--except I know how to deactivate bombs--she'll split. But it'll be fun while it lasts. I'm not where you are yet, little sis. That could be good, though. If you trip all the land mines first, you can put me on course when I find the right woman."
"Gee, thanks," she said. "Not that you'd listen anyway, you and your dumbass hard head. It's all about boobs and long legs for you."
"Hey, whoever I marry, it will be about way more than that, so it's best to take my fill of the shallow stuff while I can." He winked and pushed his plate at her. "Got any more of those burgers?"
Coming back to the present once again, Sam said her usual daily prayer for Jace, back overseas now, and studied the computer screen. She couldn't read any more of this. She wanted Geoff and Chris. That needy feeling was rising, capturing not only her body but her mind, disturbing her anew. Focusing on her reflection in the computer screen, she could tell she was too wound up. Maybe she should use her vibrator. Maybe more than once. Was it possible to get stuck in an "on" setting when it came to physical arousal? But these waves of agitation were more than being horny, a word she particularly despised for its crudity, so she wasn't sure why she was using it now.
To follow Geoff's rules, she'd need to text or call one of them to use the vibrator. Or she could say to hell with that, do it and not tell them at all. Or ask for forgiveness. She shifted. That wasn't what she wanted, either, damn it. A power exchange was a willing thing. It wasn't like Geoff could force her to ask permission to get off. But the point was she was giving him that control, right? That was what turned her on, as much as it did him.
She shoved away the chaotic roar of her hormones and whatever else was going on in her head and brought herself back to the more important topic at hand--whether this would work long-term. Was she naive to think the word forever when it came to the two of them? She wasn't a teenager anymore.
Maybe it was possible to integrate all of the possibilities and lock them in place with Chris's philosophy of slow living. Soak up the experience rather than worrying it away, all while remembering who and what was important. If they could do that, if she could do that, maybe they'd stumble into the right way to make a go of this.
"Sam, you home? Where are you, crazy girl?"
Things leaped up inside her, like swallowing a chocolate bar down whole. The surge of adrenaline was overpowering, the kind that came with doing something wrong that didn't have immediate consequences.