“Paca!”
My eyes open, which is weird, since I thought they were already open, and darkness veils me as I struggle to break free of the hands all around me that are holding me down.
“Let me go!” I shout, causing all the lights to suddenly burn bright, illuminating the dark room long enough for me to glimpse Jude’s wide-eyed face over mine.
The lights all burst, sending the glass bulbs off in a spray, and the rumbling of the house intensifies for a brief second. The realization that I’m somehow safe back inside the house with my boys is a chilling relief.
How did I get out of hell?
Why was I being whipped?
Where are those damn shadows that were taunting me inside my head?
The room around me goes still and silent as my breaths come out shakily, and Jude exhales in exhausted relief as he glances over at Ezekiel, who is—
Holy shit, Ezekiel is holding up the wall that has started crumbling.
“A little help here,” Ezekiel bites out as Gage goes to aide him in trying to fix it.
Something inside me stirs, and the wall starts fusing itself back together again. All the things that have shattered to the ground catch my eye next.
I wasn’t trying to destroy hell. I was…freaking dreaming.
My lips part in surprise, and I clutch the sheet closer to me as Kai groans and stands from the ground, a little blood coming off his forehead.
“What happened to you?” I ask him, feeling warmer than usual, and frowning at the singed pieces of my bed.
Relieved from holding up the wall, Ezekiel and Gage warily approach me.
“You’re what happened to me when I stupidly tried to shake you awake,” Kai says, wiping blood away from his mouth.
I’m off the bed and in front of him in the next instant, my hands flying up to his face as my eyes rake over him for inspection. Dread unfurls in me, and I wipe the blood away from his lip.
“I’m so sorry,” I say on a whisper, swallowing thickly as my eyes meet his.
Spitting out blood to my floor—something I’ll yell at him for doing later, when I’m not worried about the fact I almost killed him—he pulls me closer, snaking one arm around my waist.
“It was my fault. I knew better than to crash a bad dream, considering we’ve all made the mistake with each other at some point,” he says absently, meeting the eyes of the others like they’re sharing some private conversation.
“Clearly she has bigger consequences when involved with the nightmares,” Ezekiel says on a huffed breath as he sits down on the edge of my bed, scrubbing a hand over his hair.
“It’s the first time I’ve ever dreamed, and it had to be a nightmare?” I ask, then groan. “Of course it’s a nightmare. I’m devil spawn. We don’t get sweet freaking dreams. The house won’t survive my nightmares if they’re all that bad.”
“We always have the same nightmares,” Jude says quietly, sitting in the corner now with a thoughtful look on his face.
“Whip master with a flaming whip that feels like explosive acid when it connects with your skin?” I ask them. “Is that what you always dream?”
They all seem to freeze and stare at me.
“The nightmares vary from night to night. I meant we have the same nightmares on the same nights. And tonight was indeed the Devil’s whip,” Jude says while studying me.
A growl bubbles out of me, and the house quakes like there’s an aftershock.
Jude’s lips twitch, and Gage slaps him on the back of his head before stepping in front of me and clutching my shoulders.
“You’re having dreams from our time in Hell’s Black Heart now,” he explains, or thinks he does.
“The Devil’s whip?” I ask, focusing on that part. “The Devil did that to you?”
“No,” Kai states rather emphatically.
“How do you know? Do you suddenly have memories of this?” I ask, turning around to face him as the house starts to shake again.
Something dark and angry burns with remembered fury from that horrible place.
“It’s not fucking funny anymore,” Jude says on an exhausted exhale as he shoves his way to be in front of me once more.
When he touches me, he’s the fourth one to do so. The other three are already touching me, whether it be unconsciously or actively done. Some of that ire starts to ebb as my body slowly begins to relax.
Jude’s brow starts to furrow, and I lean back on Kai, taking in the peace their touch offers. Figures they’d be soothed by The Apocalypse, and I’d be soothed by the Four Horsemen.
We’re rather horrible people like that. Not that I mind, but I’m fascinated by just how twisted we must be in equal parts.
With my mind rambling like this, I already feel better.
“The Devil’s whip doesn’t actually belong to the Devil,” Jude says, his tone distracted as he continues to study my eyes. “You were about to go try to kill the Devil again, weren’t you?” he adds, quirking a knowing eyebrow.
Clearing my throat and feeling overly worked up, I shrug. Wrath and anger should not be in the same body. It’s a deadly combination.
Anger is one of my impurities, but it’s usually overcome by my logical ability to rationalize and internalize and ignore…
Rambling more than usual now.
“Maybe,” I finally admit, bristling at the way they all groan in unison. “To be fair, that was my first dream, in case you’ve forgotten. I thought I was really there, because I’m fairly certain you don’t experience physical pain like that in dreams.”
“Hell’s nightmares are far different from mortal dreams,” Ezekiel states absently. “We’ve spent centuries thinking it was our future. For fuck’s sake, we’ve obsessed over our balances, trying to figure out how it all goes to shit before it happens. We never stopped to consider it might be our past…until you.”
“I can’t believe you have those nightmares every night,” I go on.
Then…I remember they don’t have them every night.
Not anymore.
A chill creeps up my spine, and the rambling in my head comes to an abrupt halt as that thought really sinks in.
When my eyes lock with Jude’s, I see almost a blurry image of him as something hot and wet drips down my cheeks.
“You’d all really rather sleep in your own rooms because you’re mad at me, and suffer through those nightmares, than to have to share a bed with me? I thought you were simply being petty, but you must truly hate me to knowingly put yourselves through that,” I say on a strained whisper. “All because I wandered off to try and learn more about myself while the four of you plotted your own plan behind my back? Do you not see the hypocrisy, or do you just find my thoughts and needs to be completely irrelevant? Am I still really that insignificant?”
I’ve never seen Jude’s eyes so stunned before, and if I’m being honest, I think there’s a little panic there too. Kai, Gage, and Ezekiel talk over each other, each of them spitting out two random words, before going awkwardly silent.
Apparently, these relentless tears of mine are confusing the hell out of them as I turn and shoulder by Kai so I can walk out of the room.
“We’ve had them for so long we’ve dulled ourselves to them somewhat,” Jude lamely calls to my back.
I go phantom and zap myself downstairs, needing ice cream. The girls with broken hearts always eat ice cream in the movies.
I settle for spray whipped cream since there’s no ice cream.
They show up just as I’m walking out of the kitchen, the four of them warily watching me like I’m going to explode at any moment. Sadly, I can understand that being a legitimate concern.
“If you’re going to be incurable dicks to me, the least you could do is keep the freezer stocked with ice cream,” I point out dryly.
I leave them behind as I zap to the living room.
They stalk me there too, and I turn a glare on them for a change.
“I think I’ll just stay up and watch a movie. No worries. I won’t be closing my eyes and bringing the house down anymore tonight. You can all go back to your individual rooms and finish up the nightmare you like better than me.”
I flip them off and pair it with my fuck-you grin, and then I turn and face the TV. I choose an oldie but a goodie.
Ghost.
Things were simpler when this was my movie reference for life.
“What happened with Lucifer?” Kai asks me as he gingerly lowers himself to the seat next to me.
“It had nothing to do with the nightmares. That was the first time I’ve slept without at least one of you next to me since the bond really settled into place,” I state dismissively, cutting off that emotion that was drawing out the tears and freaking them out.
“I’m asking the question for a different reason,” he says, trying too…hard.
I turn to look at him, but I notice the other three have taken a seat on the ground near us.
“You four are not doing this. Pity parties are not part of my impurities, so I’ll not have one with the four of you tonight,” I say.
When they don’t automatically spring into action of their own accord, I make a motion to shoo them away.
Jude smirks before letting his gaze drop to the ground. Meanwhile, I think of ways to knee him in the balls before he can stop me.