Emery blew out a breath, something warm infusing his chest. He’d gotten there in a roundabout sort of way, but in the end, Darius had known exactly what to say. How to view the events that had unfolded. Looking at it that way, he could hardly deny the vampire was right. And Emery’s guilt wasn’t such a constant pressure on his shoulders.
“So you see, Mr. Westbrook,” Darius said softly, back to swirling his drink, “you are actually that girl’s knight in shining armor.”
Emery laughed and sat back. “You had me, and then you lost me.”
A small grin lit Darius’s face. “Be that as it may, we’re here now. However it happened, this is where we are. Rather than dwelling on the past, we must look forward to the future.”
Shivers spread over Emery’s skin, and it wasn’t from the cold.
“You are already a natural pairing,” Darius said conversationally, “and have a deep connection you tried to run from and could not.” Emery swallowed into the pause, dreading what he knew would come next. “Have you thought of becoming a dual-mage pair?”
4
All the breath left Emery’s lungs. Yes, he’d thought about it. All he’d done was think about it. Every time Penny curled up in his arms, the idea ran through his mind. Every time she defended him to her mother. When she gave him her sleepy smile. When she whispered that she loved him. When he looked at her beautiful face. When he laughed at her hilarious antics…
He wanted to offer her forever. He wanted to give himself to her, in his entirety, to do with as she would.
But each time the words surfaced on his tongue, the memories would resurface: throwing up from the pain. Blacking out. Wishing for death.
“I can’t do that to her,” he said, emotion choking him. “I can’t, in good conscience, tie her to something that could possibly deaden her inside. I can’t protect her if I form a dual-mage pair with her.”
“But you’ve told us that, should the worst happen, we should save her over you,” Darius said. “Very few would make that sort of pact, especially with a vampire. Correct me if I am wrong, but haven’t you already decided you’d give the ultimate sacrifice to protect her, whether she’s your dual-mage or not?”
“I know what it’s like to lose a magical partner. If we become dual-mages, my death would give her incomprehensible pain. If she survived, which you’d likely ensure, she could very well go insane. It has happened in the mage world more times than you can count. And if she didn’t, she would walk through life with a hollowness I can’t even begin to describe.” Emery rubbed at his chest before downing the rest of his whiskey. Heat prickled his eyes as he imagined the most precious person in his world having to go through what he’d endured. He shook his head. “No. I can’t do that to her.”
“Ah.” Darius sipped his drink. “And this is what you are really thinking about, out here in the cold, stark emptiness.”
Emery frowned down at the ground. This was getting a little poetic for a man-to-man talk. And he didn’t even want to think about what it meant that he’d chosen to bare his soul to the soulless.
He needed to reassess the choices he made in life.
“It is common to think our beloved needs a better man than we are capable of being,” Darius said, looking out over the fields. “I am not a man at all, not anymore, and I have felt that same way. But the truly courageous look past their fear.”
“Looking past my fear won’t help Penny.”
“I wasn’t speaking of you. It is Penny who needs to decide. Who needs to weigh the risks. Just as Reagan did in bonding a creature that history has deemed the very worst sort. We can but pose the question. They must choose their path.”
“Penny would go for it in a heartbeat.”
“Then trust her.”
“She doesn’t understand the risks. She has no information to pull from. She’d make the decision solely based on her feelings.”
“She has always gone on feelings, and it has made her great. How would this be any different?” Darius was back to swirling his drink. “I will tell you what I told Reagan, because it will be just as true in your situation. I trust you will keep it to yourself.” His tone, deceptively light, hinted at a very real and dangerous warning. Shivers coated Emery’s body. “The dual-mage connection would only enhance what you already share. Your love wouldn’t deepen, but you would have another way to explore each other.” He turned and looked Emery dead in the eyes, which was extremely awkward, given the intense conversation they were having. “What if she died today? What effect would that have on you?”
A shock of pain bled through Emery, followed by helplessness. He knew exactly how he’d feel. In his down periods, he often had nightmares of losing her. He knew that would emotionally be the end for him, and it horrified him to think of what sort of person would rise from those ashes.
“She has loved you from the beginning. She waited for you even when it seemed hopeless, even when she had available suitors eager for her attention,” Darius went on, clearly seeing the answer on Emery’s face. “Do you honestly, in your heart, believe denying her a dual-mage connection would save her from completely unraveling should you die?”
He was talking about hearts now. Guys didn’t talk about hearts in these things.
Emery shifted uncomfortably, but the vampire didn’t back off. He continued to stare with that intense gaze, making things even more uncomfortable. For a creature that was excellent at reading body language, he was sure missing the mark on this one.
“Think about this, as well,” Darius said. “If you refuse the connection, you will prevent her from reaching the next level of magic. A level you will certainly need if you take on the Mages’ Guild. In trying to protect her, you are placing her in graver danger. You fear for her, and that is commendable, but it is still your fear, not hers—and in your fear, you are taking the decision away from her.”
Emery stood from his chair and gripped the back. He knew Darius was manipulating him. That was what elders did, after all: they moved people around like pawns. Darius had an ulterior motive for wanting Emery and Penny to become dual-mages, and he was going to try and work Emery around until it happened. But he was also right. Emery could give Penny that next level of power. And he could prove, in a magical way, that he wanted her forever.
An image flashed through his mind: Penny drooling, her head cocked to the side and her eyes staring at nothing. His gut twisted and his heart wrenched. He knew someone who’d looked like that after losing his dual-mage partner. It had been a love pairing, too. And it had broken the surviving mage. Broken him beyond repair.
“The ladies are back,” Darius said softly, collecting his chair and heading back to the house. “And by the sound of it, they had an adventure.”
“What else is new?” Emery’s throat was tight and uncomfortable. Even he could hear the effect it had on his voice.
He stared out at the field in front of him, knowing he should probably hang out until he managed to shake off the pallor. But the desire to see Penny’s blue, sparkling eyes and beautiful smile called to him.
Filling his lungs with sweet yet biting air, he hefted his chair and followed Darius back to the humble farmhouse nestled between the green fields.
“If you’d told me five years ago that I’d be getting love advice from a vampire one day, I would’ve laughed in your face,” Emery said, hearing shouts coming from inside the house.
Darius stopped at the closed door. At least Reagan hadn’t angrily kicked it in. That meant they’d gotten their mark. “There are stranger things, I can assure you,” Darius said somberly. “Much stranger. I am living them.”
Emery didn’t have time to wonder what that meant, because Darius opened the door and the yelling rushed out.
“You’re lucky you’re in the inner circle, or I’d be forced to kill you,” Reagan said, standing by the worn kitchen cabinets with Emery’s bottle of whiskey in hand.
“How are you going to kill me? I know how to stonewall your magic.” Penny’s face was red and laced with wary anger. She stood next to a pulled-out chair at the four-person kitchen table.