I grabbed my book bag that held a few items of clothing and slung it over my shoulder as I stepped into the kitchen.
“I’m off,” I told Maric with a wave. He nodded his head, not bothering to turn around. The mint corridor had a few lingering patrons who had spilled out from the band’s party. I shook my head as I sidestepped my way around them and shoved open the back door. The night air was muggy, and as the door closed behind me, I jumped as I noticed Rellik leaning up against the wall, an unlit cigarette in his hand.
I pulled my bag up on my shoulder and nodded to him as I began to walk along the building. I could hear his footsteps close behind me on the gravel.
“What are you doing?”
“Walking you home.”
I groaned as I bit down on my lower lip. “I told you I didn’t need you to walk me home.”
“I’m not asking your permission.”
“Phantom won’t be happy.” I rolled my eyes as he pulled a lighter from his pocket and lit the cigarette in his hand.
“I didn’t ask his permission either.” He took a deep pull, inhaling the smoke into his lungs before expelling the cloud around him. His mood seemed to have considerably changed from the bar, and I wanted to ask him what had happened, but it wasn’t my place.
“I thought you quit.”
He looked down at the cigarette in his hand as we continued to walk, but he didn’t respond. “So what is his problem anyway? He doesn’t seem to like me very much.” I glanced to the spot where the man had attacked me earlier, clutching my purse to my side.
“It’s not you.” He shook his head but didn’t elaborate.
“The thing about conversations, Rellik, is they usually go two ways.”
He flicked the cigarette onto the ground, and orange embers scattered as it hit. “He’s pissed at me, not you.”
“It’s touching he has such an active interest in your personal life. Afraid it will taint your reputation to be seen talking to a brunette?” My attempt at a joke fell on deaf ears.
His eyes met mine, and he swallowed hard like he wanted to say something but didn’t.
“Well, I appreciate you looking after me. This is me.” I pointed to the apartment building behind me.
“I’ll walk you up.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
His eyes narrowed like he could see through my words, and his hand ran over the stubble of his jaw. “Let’s just pretend we argued about it, and I decided I was going to walk you up anyway. Save us both some time.”
I groaned, my shoulders sagged under the impending embarrassment. “Well, I can save us even more time and tell you I sort of got evicted today.”
“What?”
“I got kicked out—”
He cut me off as I spoke.
“I know what evicted means, Ella. Why didn’t you tell me? What were you going to do? Sleep in the stairwell?”
“And what would telling you accomplish? Embarrassment added to my already shitty day? I can take care of myself.”
He laughed sardonically as he shook his head and looked to the ground between us, his hand running over the back of his hair.
“Clearly. Come on.” His long fingers looped around my wrist, and I hated that I’d been so deprived of human contact, it made my heart race. Maybe that was just a side effect of Rellik. He pulled me back up the alley toward the bar, and I struggled to keep pace with him. He wasn’t giving me a chance to argue, and I was grateful because I really had no idea what I was going to do.
Placate
Chapter 10—Rellik
Placate: to soothe or mollify, especially by concessions
When we reached the bar, Ella began pulling back from my grip.
“What?” I asked as I looked around.
“I don’t want to make things worse for you and the other guys. It would be really shitty for me to cause any more problems with you guys.”
“Phantom is my problem, not yours. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“What about…” She began to chew the side of her lip, and I couldn’t help but laugh as I motioned to security to bring our car around.
“I’m taking you to a hotel. I won’t subject you to the acts of depravity that go on after a gig.”
“Oh.” She tucked her hair behind her ears and stared off into the parking lot. The security pulled up with my SUV. He got out and ran to the passenger side, pulling the door open.
“Thanks.” I patted him on the shoulder, and he nodded as he stepped back. I motioned for Ella to climb in, and she did without a word. “I’ll just be a few minutes,” I called out to the bouncer as I walked around the front of the vehicle.
As I slid into the driver seat, Ella stared blankly out of the front window. She no longer looked upset over losing her apartment. She sat expressionless, and somehow that was worse because I couldn’t see what she was dealing with.
I shifted into drive and drove across the lot. Accelerating more than necessary, I turned onto the main road lined with motels, but there was no vacancy. The silence was uncomfortable, but I only made things worse when I opened my mouth.
“I’m not sure what you need me to do here, Ella. Tell me what to do.” She didn’t respond. “Does your head hurt?” I glanced toward her but couldn’t see the tiny scrape that was concealed by her hair.
She shook her head, and her hand went up to rub over the scrape under her long, side-swept bangs.
“I can take you to a doctor or something.” I knew the mark was superficial, but I felt like I was doing the wrong thing at every step.
“I’m fine. I’m tougher than I look.”
I traveled a few miles down the road, pulling off into a Beachside Hotel. “This, uh…this is where my room is,” I said as I put the vehicle into park. Her seat belt unclicked, and she squeezed the handle on the door, causing it to pop open.
“Thank you,” she said as she began to step out.
I reached into my pocket, stretching my leg out when I remembered I had given my cash to Phantom. “Shit.” I shook my head and looked over at her as she worried her lip.
“It’s fine, really. You’ve done enough. I’ll find somewhere to go.” She stepped out of the car, and I got out as well and jogged around to her side.
I slid my hand into my back pocket, pulled out a plastic key card, and held it out for her. Her eyes narrowed as she looked it over. “You can stay in my room.”
“No.” She laughed nervously and waved her hands.
“Do you want to go back to the after party?” I quirked an eyebrow as my eyes traveled down her body. “You might enjoy it.”
“I really just want to sleep and forget this day ever happened.”
“I’ll get another room when I get back. It’s not a big deal.” I tried not to take her words personally.
Her eyes locked on to mine, before she slowly nodded, still unsure but deciding against arguing.
I began walking across the dark lot toward the rooms as she followed close behind. I pulled a key card from my pocket and slid it into the card reader.
I shook my head as she glanced over at me. She slowly stepped inside, and I reached in to turn on the light. It wasn’t a large room, but I didn’t plan on spending much time in it while I was here.
She walked around the room, folding her arms over her chest. “It’s nice,” she said quietly. “For some reason I expected strippers and a disco ball.”
I laughed. “My room is the only time I get to be alone.”
“Oh,” she mumbled as she looked around the space again. I knew she must have been thinking about the after party. As much as she pretended she wasn’t attracted to me, I could tell she was, just like I was pulled to her.
“Are you going to be okay?” I slid the card into my back pocket as she sank down on the edge of the double bed. An awkwardness settled between us, as the fact that I was heading to that very place now sank in.
“Yeah. I’ll be fine.” She gave me a small smile, and I nodded, not sure what else to say.
“If you need anything”—I grabbed the hotel pen from the side table and jotted down my cell-phone number on the stationery—“you can call. These things can run kinda late, but I’ll be back before dawn. I’ll check on you.” I handed her the paper, and she folded it in half, sliding it into the back pocket of her jeans as I walked toward the door.
“I enjoyed your show.”
“Thanks. The crowd seemed to like our loud noise and mindless screaming,” I joked as I pulled the door open to leave.
“You’re really good, Ryder.”
“What?” I turned back to face Ella as she ran her fingers through the tangles in her hair. I hadn’t been called Ryder for years, not after I finally left this place.
“You’re a really good writer. Those lyrics you sang felt so…personal. Maybe rock music isn’t so bad.” She smiled, dimples settling in her cheeks, oblivious that what I thought I heard had twisted my stomach.
I nodded as I looked her over, but my head was swimming. “Maybe you will get to see us perform again some other time.” She wouldn’t. Phantom was right.
“That’d be nice.”
I pulled the door closed behind me and breathed in the night air, my chest feeling constricted.
I didn’t remember the ride back to the bar as I struggled against the demons inside my head, pulling me under, watching me slip back into the darkness I used to surround myself in.
* *
I could hear them whispering around me, pointing and snickering about what I had done to Bryce.
“I heard he tried to kill him, and Coach had to beat his ass on their front lawn,” David from third period algebra whispered from behind me in class. He was another worthless jock and close friend of Bryce.
“He doesn’t look like he got his ass beat,” Erin replied as he laughed. “But my dad said when they arrested Ryder, Mr. Thomas was at his house. He’s screwing Ryder’s mom! No wonder they let him come back to school.”
“He was covered in Bryce’s blood! He was just trying to protect his sister. Ryder attacked her for no reason.”
I glanced down at the steering wheel to my cut and bruised knuckles, flexing my grip as I cracked my neck. I needed to quiet the voices, but with Ella everything was bubbling to the surface.
“I bet when he’s a serial killer, they’ll call him Red Ryder.” Erin’s laugh nearly sent me over the edge, but I had to stay out of trouble.
I didn’t care if they thought I was crazy as long as I got to see Katie, but the day was nearly over, and I hadn’t crossed her path once. I was beginning to worry that on top of her schedule change, she really was avoiding me. I couldn’t stop the nagging voice inside my head from telling me I’d lost her, that I wouldn’t be able to keep her safe. After I’d sneaked out to meet her, my mother took my phone and any means of communication. I knew she felt like she was helping me, but it just made me feel even more alone. School was my only chance of seeing Katie. If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t have even shown up today. I tapped my pencil against my desk as my leg moved with the unspent energy that was building inside of me. Three long days since I met her in the woods. Three days since I was able to hold her in my arms and promise her I’d protect her. Three days since she ripped my heart from my chest and left me alone, broken and bleeding.
“Maybe he killed his dad.” David’s voice pierced my thoughts, and without thinking I shoved my desk, sending it toppling on its side as I stood. Still-healing wounds on my knuckles split as my fist connected with his temple, sending him falling from his chair. His head bounced on the old tile floor with a sickening thud.
“Maybe I should kill you.” I swung again, leaning over his chair as he lay curled in a fetal position on the floor. My fist struck his arm as he covered his face.
“Ryder!” Mr. Jones yelled over the crowd of screaming girls and a handful of guys who called for David to beat my ass. The teacher’s arms banded around my chest from behind, and I didn’t struggle as I tried to calm my rapid breathing. My eyes danced over my fellow classmates, wide-eyed and in shock from my outburst. It was one thing to hear the rumors of what they thought I had done, but to see me react so violently only solidified my craziness in their minds.
I’d reacted without thinking, given them what they needed to make my life a living hell.
“Call the office!”
It didn’t take long for Mr. Thomas to race to my classroom, the look of disappointment on his face letting me know how bad I’d f**ked up. I’d been counting down the days for him to be transferred to his new job, hating that he had so effortlessly stepped into my father’s shoes and intertwined himself into every aspect of my life. But I knew that if he weren’t the one standing before me in this moment, I’d be in the back of a cop car again.
“It’s okay.” He held out his hand, and slowly Mr. Jones released his grip on me. I shrugged free, taking one last glance around the room before storming off past Mr. Thomas and out of the classroom door.
He was quick on my heels as I angrily stomped down the hall. “Where is she? Why haven’t I seen her all day?”
“Ryder, you can’t keep acting like this. I can’t help you anymore. Your mother is going to lose her mind when she finds out what you just did.”
I stopped and turned to face him, causing him to stop suddenly to avoid running into me. “Then don’t tell her.” At sixteen I was an inch taller than him, and I could see hesitation in his eyes. He was like them. He believed I was some kind of monster and I was dangerously close to falling over the edge.