I close my eyes and think of the relevant factors.
Hunter wants to go to the mountains, not the river.
Eli is the youngest.
Indie can pilot.
I love Ky.
Who should go?
This time, it’s easier, because there’s only one choice—one configuration—that feels right to me.
“It’s time,” Hunter says. “Who do you choose?”
I look at Ky, hoping he’ll understand. He will. He would do the same thing. “Eli,” I say.
Chapter 47
KY
Eli blinks. “Me?” he asks. “What about Ky?”
“You,” Cassia says. “And Indie. Not me. ”
Indie looks up, surprised.
“Someone has to get Eli down the river,” Cassia says. “Hunter and Indie are the only ones who know anything about water like this, and Hunter’s going to the mountains. ”
Hunter checks the boat. “It’s almost ready. ”
“You can do it, can’t you?” Cassia asks Indie. “You can get Eli there? It’s the fastest way to take him someplace safe. ”
“I can do it,” Indie says, without the slightest sound of doubt in her voice.
“A river is different from the sea,” Hunter warns Indie.
“We had rivers that went to the sea,” Indie says. She reaches for one of the oars that came wrapped inside in the boat and slots the pieces together. “I used to run them at night, for practice. The Society never saw me until I went to the ocean. ”
“Wait,” Eli says. We all turn. He lifts his chin and looks at me with his solemn, serious eyes. “I want to cross the plain. That’s what you wanted to do first. ”
Hunter glances over in surprise. Eli will slow him down. But Hunter is not the ki
nd of person who leaves anyone behind.
“Can I come with you?” Eli asks. “I’ll run as hard as I can. ”
“Yes,” Hunter says. “But we have to go now. ”
I grab Eli and pull him into a hug. “We’ll see each other again,” he says. “I know it. ”
“We will,” I say. I shouldn’t promise a thing like this. My eyes meet Hunter’s over Eli’s head and I wonder if Hunter said the same thing to Sarah when he told her good-bye.
Eli tears away from me and throws his arms around Cassia and then Indie, who looks surprised. She hugs him back and he straightens up. “I’m ready,” he says. “Let’s go. ”
“I hope we meet again,” Hunter says to us. He raises his hand in a kind of salute and in the light of the headlamp I see the blue marks all down his arm. We all stand for one last moment looking at each other. Then Hunter turns to run and Eli follows him. For a moment through the trees I see the lights from their lamps and then they’re gone.
“Eli will be all right,” Cassia says. “Won’t he?”
“It was his choice,” I say.
“I know,” she says. Her voice is soft. “But it happened so quickly. ”
It did. Like that day I left the Borough. And the day my parents died, and when Vick crossed over. Good-byes are like this. You can’t always mark them well at the moment of separation—no matter how deep they cut.
Indie pulls off her coat and, with a quick sure movement of her stone knife, slices out the disk inside. She throws it on the ground next to her with a flourish and turns toward me. “Eli’s decided what to do,” she says. “What about you?”
Cassia looks at me. She reaches up to brush the rain and tears from her face.
“I’ll follow the river,” I say. “I won’t be as fast as you and Indie will be in the boat, but I’ll catch up with you at the end. ”
“Are you sure?” she whispers.
I am. “You came a long way to look for me,” I say. “I can come to the Rising with you. ”
Chapter 48
CASSIA
The rain turns lighter, turns to snow. And I have a sense that we have not yet arrived, that we are still reaching. For each other. For who we are meant to be. I look at him, knowing that I will never see everything, understanding that now, and I make the choice again.
“It’s hard to cross over,” I tell him, my voice breaking.
“Cross over where?” he asks.
“To who I need to be,” I tell him.
And then we both move.
We have both been wrong; we will both try to make things right. That is all we can do.
Ky leans in to kiss me, but his hands stay down at his sides.
“Why won’t you hold me?” I ask, drawing back a little.
He laughs a little, holds out his hands as if in explanation. They are covered in dirt and paint and blood.
I pull his hand to mine, put my palm against his. I can feel the grit of sand, the slick of paint, and the cuts and scrapes that speak of his own journey.
“It will all come clean,” I tell him.
Chapter 49
KY
When I pull her to me she feels eager, warm and reaching, but then she flinches slightly and draws back. “I’m sorry,” she says, “I forgot. ” She pulls a small tube from inside her shirt. She notices the shock on my face and rushes on. “I couldn’t help it. ”