But if it is, then why not enjoy one last night in the world? Why spend it alone and lonely? Unloved?
That decides me. If Leta's wrong - or if I fail - then I might as well go out in the arms of another, experiencing all that I can of love before fate catches up with me. I slide off the edge of the bed and put my hands out, feeling for the wall. I encounter it, and continue to feel my way along until I find the door. I open it and step through, keeping the thick stone against one hand as I do. I find a few more doors as I go, but as I open each one and call out Ruari's name, there's no response. I continue on, determined to find him.
I...hope it's a small castle.
As I continue down the hall, I lose my footing. I step forward and the floor just isn't there. Too late, I realize I've found stairs and pitch forward--
Only to be caught by a pair of strong arms. I give a little cry of surprise and cling to Ruari's shoulders. "You caught me!"
"What are you doing, wandering around blind?" His voice is a furious growl, and the hands that hold me are tight. He gives me a little shake as if he wants to rattle my head, but doesn't put me down. "I'm taking you back to your rooms."
"What? No!" I cling to his neck, as if that will solve everything. "I came looking for you!"
He snarls. "Why?"
"Because you didn't come to see me," I say softly. "If this is our last night together, why are we going to spend it apart?"
Ruari hesitates. "You told me to leave you alone."
"I was frightened last night. You broke my trust and I couldn't expect you to not pull off my blindfold. It's very important to me that it stays on until the morning." I press my nose against his throat. He smells warm and slightly sweaty, but human. I love the smell of him, I decide. Sometimes I think the 'beast' thing is all in his head, but if it wasn't for touching him, I'd think he was a beast. He sounds like one when he walks, and when he talks. It's all very confusing.
"Until the morning," he repeats slowly. "But in the morning..."
"I know," I say softly. I might be another one of the doomed roses in the morning. "But if this is to be my last night, I'd like to spend it with you. But...I can't if you try to remove my blindfold again. Can you promise me that you won't try to pull it off?"
"It means that much to you?"
I wish I could tell him how important it is. "It does. It has to stay on." I reach out with one hand to find his face, and cup his cheek. "But that doesn't mean that anything else has to stay on." I'm being so bold, but what have I got to lose at this point?
He groans and presses his face against my shoulder, hugging me against him. "I wish I could kiss you, Willow."
"You can't?" I reach up and try to touch his mouth, but he pushes my hand away.
"Don't." He grips my fingers in his. "It's the worst part of the curse. I...I don't want you to see me like that."
He means with my hands. Oh. I nod, understanding what it's like to feel uncomfortable and vulnerable to another. "I won't touch your face and you won't touch my mask. Is anything else off limits?"
"No." His voice sounds raspy, and it makes me excited to imagine his breath quickening like mine is.
"Then...can we spend tonight together?" I take his hand and pull it to my breast. "I'd like the company."
In response, he picks me up again in his arms. Ruari walks fast, his claws clicking on the stone floors.
"Where are you taking me?" I ask, caressing his arm. I want to touch him all over, to explore him like I've been dying to do. I hope he's not abandoning me.
"To my bed," he growls out. "You're not leaving it until I'm done with you."
Oh, I like that thought. I like that thought very much. I lie quietly in his arms as he carries me through the castle, and it doesn't seem like we've gone very far before he opens a door and pushes us through it. I'm curious as to what his room is like, and when he sets me down gently on the edge of a bed, I reach out and touch the bed to explore it. Curiously, the blankets are messed up and the bed feels very much like the one I just left. "Is...is this my bed? Did you take me back to my room?"
A horrible thought occurs to me. Did he just change his mind? So quickly?
"Not your bed," Ruari says in a gruff voice. "You've always been in mine."
I blush at the thought. "Have I truly? Do you...do you move all the women that come here into your room?" I suddenly find myself wondering if he's been in love with any of the others. Does he still mourn their loss?
"You are the first to be in my bed. In fact, you are the first that has ever touched me." He strokes my cheek and I lean into the caress automatically. "You are the first of many, many things."
And the last, I find myself hoping. "That makes me happy."
"And me? Do I make you happy?"
I reach out and run a hand down his chest. He feels broad and muscular, with just a hint of chest hair that crisps under my fingers. There's nothing beastly about him in the slightest. Not as far as I can tell. "You do...until you leave me alone all day. It's very quiet and lonely without you here, you know."
"It's very quiet and lonely here always," he says, voice sad. "The days that someone arrives are the worst."
"Because you know they're going to leave?" I ache for him.
"Because I know they will be horrified and repulsed by what I am. I know that I am destroying their lives with my curse, and I can do nothing to help them."
Ruari's response makes me feel so very sad. How lonely he must feel. "And then they disappear again after three days, adding to your guilt."
He touches my cheek. "I would prefer that no one come at all, just so I can spare their lives. But if they do not, the curse is never-ending. And in the end, I am given no choice."
His touch is gentle and pleasant, and I lean into it, caressing his hand as he cups my face. "And have you ever fallen in love with one of them?"
"Never. None have looked at me with anything but sheer disgust. It is hard to love when you are repulsed." His other hand goes to my hair, touches my dark locks. "Is that why you are so determined to wear your blindfold, Willow? So you cannot look at me and be disgusted?"
"That's not it." Somehow I think if I saw his face, I wouldn't be disgusted anyhow. I'd only be saddened by the fact that he's been so cruelly cursed. "I'm honoring a promise to another, nothing more."
"It must be a very important promise."
I nod, not trusting myself not to spill the details. I can't talk about this. "Thank you for understanding."
"Oh, I do not understand." His chuckle is harsh. "But I am greedy. I want to touch you more than anything." His fingers stroke down my arm. "And I want to spend this last night knowing what it is like to feel pleasure. I am a greedy beast."
"Don't call yourself that," I admonish him. I put a hand to his waist and find that he's wearing pants of some kind, though the fabric feels worn and old. "You're just Ruari to me. Never a beast."
"If you could see what you were touching..."
"I would still see Ruari," I whisper to him. My fingers find the laces of his pants and I tug at them, loosening things until the fabric falls away. There's nothing but smooth skin and I reach lower, looking to continue where I left off last night. I can't wai
t to explore him all over, to see what happens when I touch him like he touched me. The thought's exciting and I'm practically squirming with eagerness. "Can I touch you as I please? Or are you still nervous that I'll be repulsed?"
"You...can touch me." He strokes my cheek again. "I am yours."
His words fill me with yearning and excitement both. I decide I'm going to take my time. Since I cannot see, I must rely on my fingers to 'describe' Ruari to my hungry senses. I start with his hair, thick and wavy under my fingers. It's tousled and overlong, as if he hasn't taken care of himself since becoming cursed. I slide my hands down to his ears, touching them briefly before moving on to his face. I trace his features, trying to picture them. His brows are thick and heavy, and his lashes are so long that they brush against my skin when I trace around his eyes. His nose is strong with the slightest bump to it. His cheekbones feel high, and his jaw is square. I don't go near his mouth, since he doesn't like that, but I imagine I'd want to kiss it even if it was a thin, firm line. He's mine, this sad, lonely man. I want to kiss him everywhere to show that.
But I don't. I just lick my lips and continue exploring. I move down to his shoulders, and they feel big and broad under my touch. I squeeze his biceps and then let my touch wander over his chest. He's firm everywhere here, not a hint of fat over lean muscle, and I can't help the sigh that escapes me at being able to touch him.
"Tell me what you're thinking," he demands in a low voice.
"Just that you're such a pleasure to touch," I tell him. "I could do this all day and all night. It makes me sad that you stayed away from me all day, because I could do this for hours." I give him a small smile. "You've robbed us both of pleasure."
"I'll make it up to you," he vows, and his hand goes to my hair. He trails his fingers through it, and when he inhales deeply, I suspect he's sniffing it. "I'll make everything up to you, Willow. Tonight will be the best night you've ever had. I'll give you so much pleasure you'll beg me to stop."
I press my thighs together at the thought, because I'm getting aroused just by touching him, and I haven't even hit the good parts yet. "And what if I tell you to never stop?"