It's almost like he's angry at me.
I'm not really sure I understand why. Does he want this to fail? Is he finding life as the beast preferable to freedom from his curse? Or is he revolted by my rather wanton display last night? He seemed like he enjoyed it but how can I know for sure?
It's frustrating, and I feel hampered by the blindfold. With it on, I can't exactly explore the castle looking for him. It's a cursed castle, so any number of things could happen - I could fall out of a window into the moat. I could accidentally walk myself into the dungeon. I could fall down the stairs and snap my neck.
So I sit in my quiet, quiet room and wait for him to come back. I want to talk to him, to see what he's thinking. I want to know if he's having the same dreams I am. More than anything, I want to know if he even likes me. Sometimes I think he hates me - like right now, when he's abandoned me - but then I remember that he was spying on me while I slept. And he touched himself when I did. Those aren't the actions of someone who despises me.
I don't know what to think.
The day wears on and I explore my room. There's a shelf full of books - but I couldn't read them even if I didn't have a blindfold on. There's a basket of sewing materials - but I can't see. There's my large bed, the door that leads to the rest of the castle, and then my exploring fingers discover a large window and wooden shutters. I push them open, and a breeze wafts in, turning my cool room colder. Outside, though, I can hear the sounds of the forest of birds and leaves and the wind. I find a stool and pull it closer, turning my face to the outdoors. I can't see things, but hearing the sounds of the season outside helps me think. The wind on my cheeks makes me feel less isolated.
And since I have nothing to do all day, I think.
Ruari wants to ignore me. Perhaps he has been hurt so many times by the curse that he will put me away and try not to think about me until I am gone. He cannot hurt if he does not become attached, I think.
Well then, I must make myself impossible to ignore.
4
WILLOW
Later that night, when it grows colder and the crickets begin to chirp, I reluctantly shut my window and return to my bed. It has been a long, quiet day of blindness, and I touch my blindfold once more to ensure that it's firmly in place. Once I've reassured myself that it is, I pull my nightgown over my head and toss it to the floor, crawling under the blankets. I'm going to make sure he notices every little thing I do to myself tonight, even if he doesn't want to.
I suspect he'll be back again. Even if he doesn't want to talk to me, I don't think he'll be able to resist watching me. For all I know, he's been quietly watching me all day.
The thought of him watching me even now makes me quiver. I slide a hand under the blankets, cupping my breast. Does he see this? Has he been watching as I undressed? Wondering at my actions?
"Ruari?" I say softly, pushing the blankets down with my other hand so he can see my breasts. "Are you there?"
It's utterly silent. But that doesn't mean anything. That just means I haven't caught him off guard enough.
"I think you are," I say quietly. "I think if you only have a guest for a few days out of the year, you're going to come and watch her even if you don't want to. I think you won't be able to stay away."
There's no response.
I start to wonder if I'm wrong. Maybe he's not here watching me. Maybe he's not interested in me at all. It won't matter if Leta thinks I can break the curse if he isn't interested in me in the slightest. I slide my hands over my breasts and rub my nipples, tilting my head as if he's there and I'm speaking to him anyhow. "Do you want to watch me touch myself again tonight? Because I'm going to."
"Why do you do this?" His thick voice rasps after a moment. It sounds fiercer than before, more bestial. "Do you seek to torture me?"
"Not at all." I slide a hand down my belly. "Why can't I touch myself? Get what pleasure I want before my time is up?"
Footsteps. When he speaks next, he sounds a lot closer to my bed. "You wear your blindfold yet."
"I do." It's securely in place and I can't see a thing. I feel a little stab of regret that I can't see his face. I want to know what he looks like. I want to know everything about him. I want to see his eyes, because I want to know what he's thinking.
RIght now I'm just having to go on faith.
"Do you not wish to look upon the beast?" he asks me.
More than anything, I think to myself, but I continue to run my hands over my naked skin, touching myself. "Does it matter what you look like? It changes nothing about any of this."
"You might be horrified to see what I am truly like."
"You could be the ugliest creature in the world, and I am still here to become your bride," I tell him, softening the severity of my words with a smile. "We are both trapped in this, you and I. So I'd just prefer to let our minds meet for a while and let the rest work itself out."
Ruari pauses again. "You are...different from the others."
"I'm going to take that as a compliment." I move my hand down my thigh. "And you must like it or you wouldn't be back."
He makes the broken gravel sound, and I realize he's laughing. I like that. I lie back in the pillows again and arch my back, thrusting my breasts into the air. It feels sensuous and I'm getting turned on at the idea of him watching me. There's something freeing about the blindfold despite it limiting my vision. I don't have to worry about looking foolish when I writhe on the bed because who is there to see? Who will care except me and Ruari? It gives me a bit more courage to do as I like.
"It makes no difference if I like it - or you. None of this will matter in two days. You will just be another rose for me to lament over."
His words strike a note of fear in my heart, but I choose to ignore it. I'm going to have faith in what Leta told me. I recline on my side and slide a hand over my hip. "Then why do you care if you like me or not? Why not enjoy ourselves for the time we have?" I move my hand between my thighs and cup my pussy. "Want to see me touch myself again?"
"More than anything." His breathing is raspy, and I feel his presence at the side of my bed.
I grow bolder at hearing his excitement. I'm wet already, and my nipples feel tight and hard with excitement. "Then you have to give me something, too," I tell him. I slip a finger between my folds and rub my clit, just a little, just enough to make a gasp escape my throat.
Ruari growls. "Name it."
"I want you to touch yourself."
"I shall give that freely. Take off your mask so you can watch." I like how raspy his breath is, as if the very thought drives him wild.
With a little shake of my head, I continue to play with my pussy. "The mask must stay on."
"Then how do you expect to see me touch myself?"
"I'll experience it wit
h my hands."
He growls again. "You...want to touch me?"
"More than anything," I whisper. The thought is a deliciously naughty one. Touching the beast? Putting my hands on him while he pleasures himself? It's not done. Not at all. Maybe that's why I want it so very badly. There's so much to experience and I have to cram it into these last two days...
Just in case Leta is wrong. Just in case.
"Very well," he tells me. "But you must go first."
"I planned on it," I tell him softly, and run my fingertip over my clit, just like I always do when I touch myself.
Ruari lets out a choked sound. "Do that again."
I bite my lip and do just that, sliding my finger through my wet folds and then circling against my clit. The little nub is tingling with every touch, and I feel my nipples grow tighter in response. The hollow ache begins in my belly and a sigh escapes me. It feels good, and yet I want so much more.
"Spread your legs for me," he murmurs, voice low. Something hot fans over my skin and I think it's his breath. Oh. Is he that close?
I do as he asks, letting my fingers explore my pussy before gliding back up to my clit again. Normally when I touch myself, I go straight for my clit and don't stop until I've come. But with him watching, it makes me want to take my time, to play a little more. To hear his reactions as I pleasure myself. "Are you...are you going to touch me?" The thought makes my legs jerk, as if I'm about to come. I like it far too much.
"You want the beast to touch you? To stroke your sweetness?"
"I want you to touch me, Ruari." The thought is so exciting I'm practically coming off the bed. I wait, panting with anticipation. Is he going to do it? Or is he going to leave me wanting?
After what feels like an excruciating amount of time, I feel a hand on my stomach. His skin feels hot against mine, but he still feels completely and utterly human. Strange -- and wonderful. I moan at the small touch, and my thighs automatically begin to close as I feel a bit of shyness creep in.