“I’m not good at this sort of thing. I’m f**king it all up and I don’t know why.” I tap my fingers against the edge of the steering wheel, unsure of what to say next, feeling edgy as hell.
She holds all the cards in this argument right now. I’m scared she’s going to say I’m not worth the trouble.
“Using that as an excuse isn’t going to fly forever, you know. After a while, it’ll just get old.”
“What are we doing, Fable?” I ask incredulously.
She shrugs. “Having our first fight as a couple?”
I want to laugh but I don’t. “I mean this. Us. What’s going on between us?”
“If you have to ask, that scares me,” she answers warily.
“Are we really a couple? Are we in a relationship? We haven’t defined it yet.”
“Do we need to? Can’t we just take it day by day?” She turns away from me and stares out the window. “I’m tired. Maybe we shouldn’t talk about this now.”
Panic rises within me. “But…”
“I think I want to be alone. I’m super tired and the last few days have been sorta overwhelming.” She opens the door and climbs out of my truck, bending over so she can meet my gaze through the still-open door. “I’ll call you tomorrow?”
It’s like she’s leaving me for good. My throat’s dry and I can hardly force any words out, I’m so worried this is it. With my luck, I’ll never see her again. “Yeah,” I croak before she slams the door. “Call me.”
She offers me a tiny smile before she lets the door close. And then she turns and walks away.
Taking my heart with her.
Chapter Fourteen
If I had a flower for every time I thought of you...I could walk through my garden forever. – Alfred Tennyson
Fable
“Wake up.” I yank the covers from Owen and he tries to grab at them, rolling onto his back with an agonized groan.
“Shit, Fabes, what are you doing here? And why are you waking me up like some sort of drill sergeant?”
“Ha, if I were a drill sergeant I’d have a whistle blasting in your ear and be commanding you to run some damn laps.” I thwack him on the leg with my index finger and thumb, dropping the comforter back on him in a pile. “You’re going to be late for school.”
He cracks open his eyes and glances at the clock on his rickety bedside table. “It’s not even seven yet. Why the hell are you up? What are you even doing here? I thought you’d stay the night with your new lover boy again.”
Yeah, well, so did I. I’d even contemplated asking Drew to stay with me so I could be here for Owen last night. But that petty argument we got into ruined all those plans.
“I wanted to stay home and talk to you.” I sit on the edge of his bed, glancing around his room. It’s a disaster, not that mine is much better, but at least I didn’t have smelly socks lying all over the place and a pile of dirty clothes in the middle of the room that I swear was waist-high. “You need to douche this room and soon.”
“Did my big sister use the word ‘douche’? I think I’ve heard it all.” He sits up and rubs the back of his head. “I can’t believe you ditched your new man for me. You must want to talk about some serious shit.”
“Why must you continue to use such foul language?” I sound like a mom. I should be used to his constant cussing. And really, I have no room to judge. I’ve had a foul mouth for years. It was my first act of rebellion against my mother and I never let up.
“Gimme a break. You curse like a sailor.” He stifles a yawn and scratches his bare chest. “What do you want to talk about?”
“I’ve been thinking.” I pluck at a loose thread on his worn comforter. I really wish I had more money so I could buy the both of us nicer things. “I want to find a different apartment.”
He’s quiet for a moment and I look at him, see the shock and disbelief written all over his face. “You want to move? And leave me with Mom all alone?”
“No.” I shake my head. “No, no, no. I would never do that. I want us to leave Mom. I want the two of us to live together.” When he doesn’t say a word, I forge on. “She’s never here. She’s always with her new boyfriend and she doesn’t have a job anymore so she can’t pay rent. I’m paying for everything and trust me, it’s hard. I don’t make a ton of money. I work freaking part-time though my new boss is willing to give me more hours.”
“That’s great.”
“It is, but we still have too much apartment here. I bet I could find a two-bedroom in a better neighborhood for way less money. What do you think? You want to do it?”
“I’ll go wherever you go,” he says but I can hear the hesitation in his voice.
“But what?”
“But…I’m only fourteen. Aren’t there legalities or whatever about that sort of stuff? Like won’t Mom have to make you my guardian or something if I go and live with you?”
“Why would she need to? Let’s not pretend that she wants us around here so bad. She won’t care if you come live with me.”
“She might.” He drops his head, bunching the comforter up in his lap.
Crap. He wants to believe Mom actually cares about him. After all, he’s just a kid. No one wants to face the realization that their mom doesn’t give a rat’s ass about them. I still don’t like facing it. But I’ve put up a wall against the pain and tell myself it doesn’t matter. I don’t need her.