“I was outside. Hanging out with my dad and enjoying the sun. That Thanksgiving break, it was warmer than usual, and I was riding high after doing so well during my first year on the team.” His voice trails off and he looks lost in thought. “Adele had been gone most of the day, shopping for Christmas presents. She asked my dad to watch Vanessa and we were playing with her. She’d run back and forth across the back patio, giggling nonstop. It took her awhile to warm up to me, you know? Because I wasn’t home much, but I always got her to come around.”
I say nothing, letting him take his time to tell this story. He needs to get it out, no matter how painful it must be for him to relive the day. I’d rather comfort him and tell him we’ll talk about it another time, but when?
“My dad got a phone call. He’d been working on a big merger that had taken him months to put together and he had to take the call. He told me I needed to watch Vanessa, never let her out of my sight and of course, I said I would.” He released a shuddering sigh and closed his eyes. “She played hide and go seek with me and we were laughing, I was teasing her. I knew my dad wasn’t too far off, I could hear him talking on the phone.
Adele was suddenly at the door and she asked me…she asked me to come inside with her. I told her I couldn’t, that I had to watch Vanessa and she convinced me Vanessa would be fine. My dad was right there. And he was, I swear he was. So I went in and…and Vanessa somehow got inside the gated area that surrounds the pool and she fell in. Turns out my dad had walked to the front of the house but I didn’t know it then. He didn’t realize I left Vanessa alone. I thought he had her and he thought I had her…”
Drew fell apart. Literally crumpled to the ground on his knees in front of his sister’s grave, his shoulders heaving as he hunched over the gravestone as if in prayer. “I’m sorry. I f**ked up and I’m so goddamned sorry.”
I went to him. Got down on my knees and wrapped my arms around him as best I could. He turned into me, slinging his arms around my neck and pressing his face against my chest. I could feel the dampness of his tears against my skin and I stroked his head, my fingers tangling in his hair as I tried my best to soothe him.
We sat like that for long, silent minutes. His body trembling with emotion as he quietly cried against me. I let him, felt the tears and the sadness well up inside of me too, and I cried with him. Silent tears that purged me, connected me to Drew as I felt his raw, all encompassing grief and pain.
This isn’t all that plagues him, I know. I can sense there’s more, much more and he’s holding back for fear I might freak out. Or worse, think less of him.
It has to do with Adele. And I think I know what it is.
I’m just not ready to face it yet.
~* Chapter Twelve *~
Day 6 (Black Friday), 11:00 p.m.
It’s the people who know you the best that can hurt you the most. – Drew Callahan
Drew
I’m desperate to lose myself in her so I can forget.
After the cemetery, we grabbed some fast food for lunch, then headed back home. There wasn’t much talking between us, and I couldn’t have held a conversation if I tried. I’m exhausted, both emotionally and physically, and she knows it. Fable doesn’t push, doesn’t ask for any explanations unless she deems it necessary.
Like her asking what happened the day Vanessa drowned. Hard to believe, but it felt good getting everything off of my chest. I’ve never talked about my sister’s death with anyone. Not my parents, no one. I’ve held that inside me for two years and once I started talking, it was like a dam broke.
I cried. I mourned. I told my story and was so damn thankful when she didn’t flinch, didn’t condemn, didn’t judge. She just held me and let me cry, like I’m some sort of big baby.
Damn it. I refuse to judge myself, get down on myself for having f**king emotions. I lost my baby sister on my watch. I have every right to cry and rage if I want.
We slept the rest of the afternoon away. Together. Curled up in the middle of my bed, our arms slung around each other, a blanket drawn up over us. The afternoon through most of the evening we remained like this, and I knew we both needed it. Neither of us has slept much this week while in Carmel.
We leave tomorrow, the day my family is acknowledging as the two-year anniversary of my sister’s death. I’m glad to get out of here, but unsure what life’s going to bring Fable and me when we get back home.
I’m afraid what I might do. What she might do. What we both might do together to screw everything up.
My cell pings and I know without looking who it is. My dad or Adele, the very last two people I want to talk to. I scoot over and sit up, reaching for my phone. The lamp on the dresser across the room is still on, casting out its dim glow. Glancing at my cell, I see that yep, it’s my dad who sent the text and just as I’m about to read it, the phone starts to ring. Again, it’s my dad.
“Sorry I haven’t returned your calls,” I immediately say, feeling bad. He’s having a tough time of it too, and I shouldn’t shut him out, no matter how easy he makes it.
“Don’t you dare hang up on me.” Fuck, it’s Adele.
“What do you want?” I keep my voice low, trying my best not to disturb Fable but she rustles under the blanket, turning away so her back is to me.
I have no idea if she’s awake or not, but I have no plans in saying anything to Adele that Fable might question later. It’s bad enough I confessed what happened with Vanessa today. No way can I dump any more on her.