Now, it was also where Creed and I went to have sex. “The barn,” I blurted out. “She would go there.” I was sure of it.
Creed broke into a run and I was right behind him. He swung open the door of the house, and we both raced outside, not bothering to go to the car but heading across the street and through the neighbor’s yard. It was faster than driving. Horrible scenarios played out in my head and I refused to accept them. We would find her alive and stop her before she took the pills. The only problem with that hope was the bottles had already been emptied.
The faded red barn came into view on the abandoned property that remained in a trust belonging to some family in New York. In all the years of coming here, I’d never seen any of them here. The closer we got to the barn, the harder my heart slammed against my chest. She had to be alive.
“CORA!” Creed called out before we reached the two large doors that were firmly closed. “CORA!” There was a wild panic to his voice as he yelled out her name again.
Before he opened the doors, I knew. It was as if she was there with me, preparing me. The hope I’d had running here was gone. Snatched from me. I wanted to scream at the reality that was sinking in.
Creed jerked the door open and was inside several seconds before I reached the barn. I pushed myself harder. Faster. He didn’t need to find her alone. I was inside seconds after him and I stopped before colliding with his body. He was standing just inside and three feet in front of him was Cora. Lifeless on the ground.
I moved around him and went to my knees beside her. “Cora.” My voice cracked as I said her name loudly, as if I could wake her. I fumbled for a pulse and then placed my hand on her chest to find she wasn’t breathing. I’d never taken CPR, but all I’d ever seen or read came back to me and I started trying to bring her back.
Tears streamed down my face and I wiped at them frustrated that it was hindering my vision. I began begging her to open her eyes and breathe. My voice was getting louder and my tears so heavy I couldn’t see her clearly. I don’t know how long I worked on her when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Looking back, thinking it was going to be Creed, I wiped at my face with my bare arm and realized it was Gran instead.
“Help her, Gran!” I begged and let out another sob. Gran pulled me into her arms and held me as I began to weep. Cora’s skin had been so cold. Although I had known nothing I was doing would bring her back I had held onto every ounce of hope I could find. Facing the truth now was a horror I didn’t want to accept.
I heard other voices and sirens and lifted my head to see who was here. Creed was standing in the doorway, staring at his sister, his face void of emotion. I wanted to go to him and comfort him. Pulling free of Gran, I stood up and his eyes shifted to me.
“Creed,” I said his name on a sob and he stared at me for one brief moment then turned and walked out of the barn. Away from the scene in front of me. When the paramedics and her parents came rushing inside the barn, Creed didn’t come back. He never came back.
Epilogue
December 17, 2019
Boston, Massachusetts
The water lapped against the shore as the northern wind blew. Forty- three hours had passed and the cold reality of my life was mocking me. I stared out at the water, hating it just as I hated everything else in this life. Finding beauty in this world had once been a passion of mine, but all I could see was the horror that laid beneath the surface. It showed no compassion as it continued to live on. Cars still drove down the street behind me, people still went to work, they sang Christmas carols, and went to parties.
Nothing stopped just because my world had been destroyed. Nothing cared that every day people lost someone they loved and nothing was ever the same. It was unfair to watch it happen and be the one lost in the middle of it all. I wanted to scream at them all to stop!
I wasn’t the first person to experience this kind of suffering. I wouldn’t be the last. Not every chapter ended happy in life and I wished my book was just over. I didn’t care about the chapters to come. The only chapters I cared about were done. A memory now was all I had.