Once I had coffee I sat down in the living room chair and read the text from Griff again. If I waited until I saw him in person, we may not be broken up for a month. He kept promising he’d come see me or I could come see him but that had yet to happen. His promises had little weight these days.
It was time I did this, dealt with the pain it was going to cause, and moved on. I couldn’t see how Griff would be able to forgive me. At first that was my only concern. Keeping Griff and the relationship we had wasn’t my desire anymore. I did love Griff. He had helped me heal in a way he would never understand, but since he moved to Boston, we hadn’t been the same.
I was holding onto how we once were, not how we were now. I wanted to be important to him and if he hadn’t changed so much then maybe we would still be that strong. Medical school was the most important thing in his life and I respected that. I just couldn’t continue the growing apart. Every day that went by and he had less time for us…for me, I felt more disconnected. The man that had loved me so much was different. He had a life I wasn’t a part of and this was only the semester of his first year in med school. I didn’t see how we could survive this. It didn’t excuse what I did. Forgiving myself wasn’t going to come easy or soon, but I couldn’t keep holding onto a man who I didn’t love enough.
Truth was I had always wanted Creed, but I’d forgotten just how strongly I felt about him until he was back in my life. No matter what pain it caused Griff, I couldn’t let Creed go. I was in love with him and being with him again had shown me that he was right. I loved Griff, but I wasn’t in love with Griff. That place in my heart had been owned by Creed since I was too young to be sure when it happened.
I would text Griff one more time about the importance of him calling me. If I couldn’t have this conversation with him in person then I was at least going to do it on a call and not a text message.
“Please, Griff, I need to talk to you today. Call me as soon as you have a moment.”
Griff was busy, but he would make time for me if it sounded urgent. At least he once would…these days, I was never sure.
Twenty-one
Clarks’ parking lot was packed for a freezing November night. Smoke was rising from the chimney as we made our way to the front door. Creed let go of my hand to open the door and wave me inside. We were greeted by Lulu, and like the last time, she ate Creed up with her eyes. Unlike last time, I felt the need to glare at her in warning.
“Hiya, Creed. Want your regular table?” she asked in a sing-song voice I assumed she thought was cute. It wasn’t.
He placed his hand on my lower back and leaned into me. “You want near the fire?” he asked me then kissed my temple. My annoyance at Lulu’s flirting vanished. In its place was the warm rush from Creed’s open display of affection.
“Yes, please,” I said, smiling up at him.
He glanced at the hostess. “Close to the fire,” he told her.
Lulu’s flirty grin was gone as she turned to head in that direction. We followed her and I was doing my best not to smile brightly. I loved being with Creed, but in the back of my head was still the fact Griff hadn’t called me back and I needed to tell him the truth. Not just about my being with Creed but about my past with Creed. I’d been in counseling when Griff and I met and he always assumed it was because of my mother. He needed to know the truth.
“Creed Sullivan and Sailor Copeland on a Friday night again.” Fleur’s voice carried over the music.
I stopped and turned to look at her, instead of sliding into the booth Lulu had brought us to. She was still very pregnant and appearing glamorous despite it. I hoped I pulled off pregnancy the way she did one day. The idea of me being pregnant unleashed a myriad of images in my head. I always wanted to be a mother and a wife, but those desires came after my time with Creed. Thinking of them now with Creed beside me made me ache for things I didn’t deserve but desperately wanted.
Creed’s hand was still on my back, and Fleur’s gaze took that in as her smile grew into a knowing one. “Well, well, that didn’t take long at all,” she added and winked at me.