Creed began walking back toward his yard and I fell into step behind him. He didn’t say much. I expected him to start talking about what he’d done or some kind of small talk. His mood had changed it seemed. I never knew which Creed I was going to get. It was unsettling.
When we reached the door to the house, he opened it and then motioned for me to go inside. I paused, wondering how this would affect me. Did he have a hard time walking back in after all these years? If Creed could live here, then I could walk inside I told myself and forced my feet to move forward. Still he said nothing.
It smelled the same. Gran’s had smelled the same too, but then there had been no remodeling when I moved into her house. This house truly looked much different. The downstairs was brighter and more open. Less walls and closed-off rooms. The wall color was a simple white and the light fixtures were new and not the antique ones that had once been on the wall. The wooden floors had been worked on too, although I could tell they were still the original floors of the house. They didn’t make them like this anymore.
Even with all the paint, sheetrock, polished floors, the house still smelled the same. Memories flooded me and I held them back the best I could. It was as if at any moment Cora would walk down the stairs smiling. I wondered if he’d changed anything on the next two floors.
“All I’ve done upstairs is repaint and have the floors refinished,” he said when he saw my eyes go to the stairs.
“It’s breathtaking,” I told him honestly. I’d always loved this house. He’d just made it look like a different one downstairs. It had been traditional New England before, but even with its fresh new look, it was still a beautiful place. I didn’t ask him why he changed things because I would have changed them too. Just so being here didn’t feel like it had…before. Changing it would help with the memories or at least I hoped it did.
“Mom hates it. She said I messed up the history but,” he paused. “I needed to.”
“I understand,” I said simply. Because I did. There was a lot I didn’t understand about Creed Sullivan and I doubted I ever would. It was too late to try. But I understood his need for this place not to feel the same.
“I know,” he replied.
I turned to look up at him and his gaze was already on me. We stood there like that for longer than necessary, but I couldn’t look away. Words that had never been said hung there in the silence and I knew now I didn’t need to know. I had desperately wanted him to talk to me six years ago and the idea of that happening now…terrified me.
fourteen
June 3, 2013
Portsmouth, New Hampshire
This wasn’t how summer was supposed to be. Everything was different this year. I sat on Gran’s back porch alone. Gran had gone to get groceries and I was too busy sulking to go with her. She’d promised me a cupcake from the bakery if I went as if I were a child. I wish a cupcake was all it took to make me feel better.
Cora had cheer camp this week and she’d be home next week. We would have the rest of the summer together and she’d texted me several times since she left. I was happy she made the team. That wasn’t my problem, although it did make me sad that one of our weeks together this summer was gone.
I glanced over at the backyard of their house that I could barely see through all the trees and hydrangeas. Not that it mattered. No one was there. Creed had a girlfriend now. Fleur freaking Young. I didn’t know her, but I knew she had Creed. He was barely around. With Cora gone and Creed with Fleur, I was without a Sullivan friend. This summer was turning out awful.
Footsteps on the gravel driveway caught my attention. I didn’t see anyone yet and I wondered if I should go inside and lock the door. I was here alone and I wasn’t expecting anyone. Before I could make a move, Creed appeared around the corner.
I stared at him.
“Hey,” he said with the crooked smile I loved and wished I didn’t. Before this summer, Creed had always been…well, mine. We hadn’t been boyfriend and girlfriend or anything like that but he’d always been there. He was my Creed or he had been my Creed. Now he was Fleur Young’s Creed. The thought soured my attitude more.
“Hi,” I replied and turned my gaze away from him and back to the yard. I didn’t say anything more and I didn’t look at him, but I could see him from my peripheral vision and I knew he was coming closer. If Fleur Young came around that corner next I was going inside. No, I was sprinting inside.