Luca touched my still flat belly and shook his head in apparent amazement. “How far along are you?”
I laughed. “Only about five weeks. It’s still very early. We should wait until we tell the others. I don’t want people to find out before we are certain that the baby is fine.”
Luca shook his head. “We won’t tell them until you’re farther along but not because we’ll lose our child. Nothing will ever happen to you or our baby, Aria. I won’t allow it.”
He sounded absolutely certain, as if even Mother Nature, even my body, would listen to his command, but we both knew that wasn’t the case. Still Luca’s certainty made me feel better and I smiled.Luca seemed even more nervous about the doctor’s appointment than me when I settled on the examination table. I was in my eighteenth week and the chances were good that we’d find out the gender of our baby today. If it was a girl, Luca and I would definitely try for a third child because he needed an heir, and I was actually not against the idea. A big family was something I wanted more and more since we’d had Marcella. I loved being surrounded by family: Gianna, Marcella, Lily… I wanted a house full of laughter.
The doctor smiled at me when she entered the room but spotting Luca her lips pinched. She didn’t like the way he threatened the staff so they accommodated us outside of the usual office hours and kept their silence about us. He gave her a curt nod, but didn’t move from his spot beside me, nor did he sit down.
I squeezed his hand and his eyes softened ever so slightly when they settled on me. The doctor began the ultrasound and I watched the screen with bated breath, but I couldn’t see if it was a boy or girl.
“Is everything all right?” Luca asked with a hint of impatience after a minute of silence from the doctor.
She peered up at him with a tense smile. “Everything is as it should be. You’re expecting a boy, congratulations.”
For a moment, I didn’t move. Marcella would be a wonderful big sister to a baby boy. Maybe she wouldn’t be as jealous if she remained the princess in the family, and I loved the idea of having a small Luca in my life, a tiny version of the man I loved more than anything else in the world.
Luca stroked his thumb along the back of my hand, the only sign of affection he’d allow himself in public. Luca and I would make sure that our boy had a better childhood than Luca and Matteo. Luca’s face was stone but in his eyes, I could see the hint of wariness. I could imagine the worries going through his head. Even with Marcella he’d worried he’d be like his father, would be too harsh or cruel, but nothing could be further from the truth. Maybe he wouldn’t be as lenient with a boy as he was with a daughter, but that was it.
Now wasn’t the time to discuss the test results, not while the doctor did the ultrasound and we weren’t alone.
The moment we were back in our car, I took Luca’s hand. “You will be a wonderful dad to our boy. I just know it. You’ll love him like you love me and Marcella. I know you will be patient and loving and you won’t hurt him.”
Luca raised my hand to his lips and kissed my knuckles but he didn’t say anything.LucaAria sounded absolutely certain and I wished I could feel the same way but I knew raising a boy in our world required me to make him strong, to make him tough, to make him ruthless. Our boy would become Capo one day, he would rule over the Famiglia and the entire East Coast. For him to be ready for that task, he needed to be a killer, he needed to be cruel and brutal, resistant to pain and fear. My father had loved torturing Matteo and me like he loved torturing our mother and later Nina. He’d relished in our pain, in our fear; hardening us had happened automatically. Matteo and I became used to pain from an early age, had seen horrible things in our own home, had seen our father commit horrendous crimes when we were barely old enough to walk.
How would I handle a boy?
Aria was still smiling at me with a face full of kindness and love. It let my own heart swell with the same emotions. Though, Aria and Marcella were the only people I was kind to, the only people I wanted to treat that way. But a boy, a small version of me… that was another story.
If he was anything like me, like the men in my family, he’d be difficult to handle, would love the kill and inflicting pain. Showing him kindness would be difficult. I’d have to encourage his dark side, his brutality, would have to make sure he became even more bloodthirsty. How could I harden a boy for our world, for the task of becoming Capo, if not with violence?