Luca smiled but it was tense. “It’s a nightmare come true.”
Gianna laughed hoarsely then winced sharply. I kissed her temple and rested my cheek atop her hair.
I gave my brother a grateful look. “Who’d ever thought you’d have to cut something for me one day?”
He smirked. “You’re losing your touch.”
“Luca, can you get out of the way?” Aria said impatiently and Luca finally stepped back. Aria leaned over and carefully laid a small, blood-smeared baby on Gianna’s breasts. “Congrats on your beautiful daughter,” Aria said quietly, tears in her eyes.
I stared down at our Peanut. Our daughter. Gianna hesitantly touched her palm to her small back then peered up at me. There was wonder and fear in her eyes, and utter exhaustion reflected on her face. I kissed her forehead. “We can do this,” I assured her.
She gave a small nod then let her head fall back against my chest. I put my hand over hers atop our daughter’s back.GiannaStaring down at this wrinkly, smeared, bluish-red human being, I couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that this was really my daughter—that I was a mother now. No longer just Gianna, mob wife and yoga instructor. My brain seemed cloaked by thick fog and the pain in my lower body barely registered anymore.
“Babe, how do you feel?” Matteo asked, but even his voice seemed to come from a distance.
I wasn’t sure what answer to give him, wasn’t sure what exactly I was feeling. “Exhausted,” I said.
The baby seemed to push toward my breasts, smacking its lips. The sound of the ambulance briefly registered and the lights flashed in my peripheral vision but I couldn’t look away from the baby—my baby. Some people described the moment of seeing their child for the very first time as love at first sight. That’s what Aria had called it. I didn’t feel anything but a deep sense of responsibility and disbelief. Soon I was hoisted into the ambulance with the baby still on my chest. Matteo joined me, and Luca would follow us in his car. Everything seemed to happen in a blur, so surreal I often wondered if I were still asleep and would wake any moment, and if that was the case, was it a nightmare or dream?
Matteo stayed close to my side and didn’t relax until we were finally alone in a hospital room and the doctors had checked on me and the baby, and stitched me back together where I’d torn.
The baby was latched on to my breast but I didn’t have much milk yet.
“She looks like you,” Matteo said.
I frowned. “Really?” Her hair wasn’t as red as mine, it was a strange reddish-brown and her eyes were a kind of blue, but it was still too early to say what she’d end up looking like.
I touched her small back. So breakable and now my responsibility.
“I didn’t think I’d ever see you like this,” Matteo murmured, his face reflecting the same disbelief I felt, but in his eyes, I didn’t find the same panic taking hold of my body.
Matteo took my hand as if he could sense my inner turmoil. “I’m at your side every step of the way. We can do this.”
I nodded then winced at the pain in my breast. “A few things I need to do by myself. What if I fail?”
“If you can’t breastfeed the baby, she’ll get the bottle. She won’t remember once she’s older, and let’s be honest our parents messed up far more, and we still survived.”
A small smile tugged at my mouth. “I love you.”
Matteo’s eyes soften. I didn’t say it first very often. I just wasn’t a very lovey-dovey kind of person. Matteo leaned forward and kissed my mouth then he glanced down at the squirming baby on my chest. “Do you have a name in mind?”
I shook my head. I’d thought a name would magically manifest itself the moment I saw my child. As if by merely looking at it, I’d peg it a Lorana or Melania or whatever other name the kid would look like. Yet, staring down at my squishy baby now, I drew a blank. I could barely wrap my mind around the fact that I’d squeezed her out of me not too long ago, much less decide on something as important as a name she’d have to carry all her life.
“Do you?” I asked hopefully but a knock sounded before Matteo could reply. Our baby had fallen asleep at my breast. I quickly tugged her away and covered myself before the door opened. Aria poked her head in, her brows puckered in worry. The moment she spotted me, she smiled brightly. “Can we come in?”
“Of course,” I said, relieved to have her here. She was a mother. Maybe she’d be able to help me understand this small creature sleeping soundly on my body. She came in, followed by Luca who gave me one of his warmer smiles, a rare sight. He even held flowers in his hand, probably an order from Aria, but I didn’t care.