I give in and glance over at Ren, and he gives me a half-smile, showing off his perfect teeth. I snap my head back down to my paper, and all the numbers on the page look like a freaking mess. I hear him move his desk a little closer to mine. The thing lets out a groan, and I have to bite my lip to keep from smiling. I’m not sure how he fits in it.
Ren isn’t small by any means. He doesn’t look like a high school student, although he still has some softness in his face that is partially obscured by stubble. I know he’s the same guy Kristen and Carrie were talking about in the office this morning. The one who got the football scholarship they all were wanting a piece of. He definitely looks like he belongs on a football field, snapping people in half and bursting through walls of bodies, but even with his size, for some odd reason I’m not intimidated by him. In fact, he put me at ease when he offered to take me to the next class.
When the bell finally rings, I stand and put everything away in my bag, wondering what to do next. I know I need to find the library. Looking over, I see Ren does the same, but he reaches down and grabs my coat.
“Lunch?” he asks. I reach to take my coat from his hands, but he shakes his head, then takes my backpack from me, too.
“No, I’m not going to lunch,” I protest, wanting to go to the library instead. I don’t like to waste my money on food if I don’t have to. Lunch is a meal I can skip. I need to see about finding some kind of job or something. I try to take my coat from him, giving a little tug. It only makes him smile even more at me. His dark brown eyes are filled with humor, and I can tell what he’s thinking. No way I’m getting this thing from him unless he wants to hand it over.
I stare up at him, still not a lick of unease within me, even with him dwarfing me.
“You have to eat. You’re tiny.”
My cheeks warm, feeling a little embarrassed at being criticized. It’s something I should be used to by now, but it still hurts.
“I don’t mean it like that. I just mean you’re small and you can’t get any smaller.” He fumbles over his words. “Shit. I didn’t mean it like that either.”
I crack a smile at how flustered he becomes. I shrug and try to explain. “I’m sure you eat in one meal what I probably eat in a whole week,” I tease him, knowing he wasn’t trying to be rude with his comment. I want him to know it’s fine. I don’t think he’s used to being uncomfortable. Uncomfortable is the story of my life. I always feel that way.
“Come on.” He grabs my hand, wrapping his fingers with mine and pulling me from the class. He walks a little too fast for me to keep up, so I have to double-step so I don’t trip.
“Where’s your locker?” he asks as I try to keep pace with him. He looks back and down at me, slowing his speed and mumbling an apology. He doesn’t letting go of my hand though. In fact, he tightens his hold. I have to spread my fingers wide to fit his between them.
“They’re getting me one.” He stops suddenly, and I almost run into him, but catch myself at the last second.
“Sorry. I have to be more careful with you.” He says it like he thinks he might break me or something. “This is my locker. Our locker.” He lets go of my hand, ripping some football decorations off the front of the locker before rolling them into a ball and throwing it into a trash can across the hall.
“Twelve, thirty-four, seventeen,” he says to me as he turns the dial, then opens the locker door. He puts my coat inside and looks at me. “Anything else you want to put in here? Make your backpack lighter? Never mind. I’ll just carry it. You remember the number?” He looks down at me and I stare at him. He’s all-consuming, and it’s different having someone look after me. Or at least that’s what it feels like he’s doing. Looking out for me on my first day at a new school “Forget it. I’ll be with you. You don’t need to remember the combination.”
“Twelve, thirty-four, seventeen,” I repeat them back to him. “Do you always answer your own questions?”
My words surprise him. “No.” He cocks his head to the side like he’s thinking. Then he grabs my hand again, pulling me with him. “Your hands are warm now?” His thumb grazes along my hand like he’s testing the temperature for himself.
“I’m fine.”
“You shouldn't be walking to school. A good wind would blow you over.”
“How do you know I…” I trail off when I realize we’re now in the lunchroom. Students turn to look at us. People whisper, and a knot forms in the bottom of my stomach. I don’t like when people stare. I feel my breathing pick up, and I try to pull my hand from Ren’s, but his hold is unbreakable.
He leads me to a table. “Sit here, I’ll go get our food.” There is no question in his words. He drops both our bags on the ground next to me and turns to leave. I glance around the room, seeing everyone is still looking, the whispers growing louder. I reach up and smooth my hair on the side that is covering up my scar, making sure no one can see it. I debate grabbing my bag and making a run for it.
6
Ren
I keep a watch on her out of the corner of my eye as I go to the line and grab two trays. I can see her indecision from here, and I know if I don’t hurry she’s going to ditch me. Luckily the ladies here know me and load me up. I’m quiet, but they know I can put away food, so two trays isn’t unusual for me. Lily fidgets and then moves her hand to her bag. She looks over to me, and I stare her down, telling her with a look not to move. I can’t protect her if she runs from me, and God knows where she would end up if she got lost. Our high school is huge, and I hate the thought of her being lost and alone. I nod to her, letting her know I’m almost finished, and she takes her hand off her bag and places it in her lap.
I walk to the end of the line, and they ring up my food and charge my school badge. My parents put money in an account for me at the school, and the cost of it is taken from that balance. I help my dad at the hardware store some nights and on the weekends in the off season to earn money. So if I need to add extra to the school account, I can. But I’m not worried about making sure Lily has enough to eat. She will have whatever she damn well wants.
I take the trays over to where she’s sitting and place them both in front of us and sit beside her. I could easily sit across from her, but I want to be as close to her as I can. I feel like my body is so much bigger than hers, so I can shield her from something if necessary.
These thoughts about protecting her keep popping in my head, and I don’t know where they come from. I’ve never felt so strongly about someone so instantly, but the need is overwhelming.
“What are you in the mood for?” I ask, nudging a fry towards her.
“This is a ton of food. Let me give you some money.” She starts to reach in her bag, but I place my hand over hers and bring it back to my lap.
“Don’t worry about it. Whatever you don’t eat, I will. So you better pick something before it’s gone.”
She smiles at me, and it hits me right in the chest. It’s more powerful than any hit I’ve taken playing football. How can she have this effect on me?
She looks at the food and takes the plate with a slice of pizza and scoots it closer to her. I’m still holding her other hand in my lap, so with my free hand I grab one of the Cokes and place it in front of her, following it with an order of fries. After that I grab the brownie and set it beside it, and she waves her hand.
“That’
s enough. I’m good,” she laughs and looks up at me through her lashes. “We can share.” She pushes the brownie between us, and the thought of sharing with her sounds intimate.
I grab one of the three burgers and take a bite while she does the same with her pizza. Neither of us takes our hands away while we eat. It’s as if we’ve been doing this for longer than a few hours, and I have no desire to stop it.
She leans over to me, and she speaks so softly I can barely hear what she’s saying. “People are whispering.”
I look around the room for what feels like the first time in forever. Normally I don’t really pay attention to my surroundings when I’m in the cafeteria. I grab an empty seat, eat, and leave. Sometimes I’ll read in the quad before my next class, but that’s about it. I catch a few stares before people turn away, but I look at Lily and shake it off.
“People usually do that when I’m around. Just ignore it. It’s not you.”
“Why do you think it’s you?” she asks, genuine curiosity in her voice.
“Because I don’t talk much. And I keep to myself.” I shrug and go back to eating.
“You’ve talked to me, and you don’t know me.”
I stop and think about that for a second. She’s right, but I don’t know how to explain it so that I don’t sound crazy. My whole life my dad has said I’ve been a natural talent at whatever I do. I’m smart, so I make straight As. I’m athletic, so I’ve got a full ride to college. But he’s told me over and over that I need to find my passion. That one day I’ll find something that I can’t live without, and that’s what I should do with my life. Looking at Lily, her big blue doe eyes meeting mine, I feel something in my heart change. I think I’ve found something I’m passionate about.