Bill notices me right away. How could he not the size of me? “Carl, wait outside.” He tells the old guy he apparently uses as a security guard. Pathetic. The guy is older than fuckin' Jesus.
As soon as “Carl” is out the door and it's closed behind him, Bill turns to me. “What brings you here a day early, Tank?”
“Collection. What else?” He eyes me as I take a cigarette from my inside pocket, bring it to my lips and spark it. I take a deep drag and blow out a cloud of smoke in his direction.
Dramatically, like a damn woman, he wafts his hand in front of his face and coughs. “You can't smoke in here.” Like I give a fuck right now! I ignore him and take another drag. “Since when does Shepard make early collections? I thought we had an understanding?”
This is true, and I shouldn't be here, Shepard didn't ask me to collect early, in fact, he'll be really pissed when he finds out. Early collections cause friction between the club and those we collect from. They trust us to keep our word and here I am breaking it.
But I need to do something to keep my mind occupied or I'll go fuckin' crazy!
“Nothin' personal, Bill. Ain't like I'm here to wreck the place.”
“Why should I pay a day early?”
I crack my knuckles. Idiot jumps in fear, swallowing loudly past the obvious lump in his throat.
You're right to be scared, motherfucker. Don't give me a reason to gut you like a fuckin' fish right here, right now.
“Of course. That's fine.” He mumbles. Damn, right it is!
He hands me a white envelope stuffed with money, money in exchange for our protection. I take it and slip it into the inside pocket of my cut, never taking my eyes off him. I take one last drag of my cigarette, blow out the smoke while dropping the butt to the floor, crushing it with my boot. I lean against his desk, hands pressed against the cold metal. “Don't ever question me again. You pay when you're told to pay. Trust me, you won't fuckin' like what happens should this happen next time!”
Fucker is practically shitting himself.
“Yes. Of course.”
“Don't make things hard for yourself, old man. Because you know I can do it, don't you?” He nods his head erratically, eyes wide. I chuckle under my breath and walk away.
Climbing on my bike, I wonder what to do now. Yeah, I could go to the titty bar, find some fresh pussy, drink myself stupid until I pass the fuck out, and think of nothing and no one but my next drink and fuck.
Trouble with is, somewhere inside of me, I don't wanna give up on Nova or the idea she might have a change of heart and come back to me. I don't want her to come home and find me fuckin' around with other women. Whores as she'd call them.
I also don't want to be the man who loses himself to drink over a woman. Even if this fuckin' hurts more than anything ever has in my life before.
I pull up outside the clubhouse and park my bike in its usual spot next to Jett's. Making my way inside, I notice Coral pacing, biting the pad of her thumb. She looks like she has the weight of the world on her shoulders.
I've known Coral since we were kids. Beautiful blonde, with huge blue eyes. Sister to Cindy, the woman Hammer would have married had she not been killed. Coral had a hard time when we were kids, bad shit happened to her, but she fought her whole life to prove how strong she is. She is literally amazing, just as Lynette is, as Willow is. Women like them don't come along very often. You catch one, you hold on tight in order to keep her. Something I couldn't do with Nova.
If Coral is out here, then something is wrong. She's never usually too far from Stryker. She notices me, smiles and wipes her eyes with the backs of her hands quickly. “Hey, Tank. I didn't see you there.”
“Sweetheart, what's wrong?” She shakes her head, her mouth opening, and closing repeatedly, tears falling thick and fast. She's struggling with something. This happens sometimes with Coral. Vile memories of the past fill her head and she hides from Stryker so she doesn't upset him. Stryker's a good man, but he can't stand to see Coral sad.
“Come here,” I wrap my arms around her and let her sob against my chest. “Shh... It's okay, darlin'.” I soothe while stroking her hair and kissing her head.
“I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to bawl all over you.”
“You never have to be sorry for anything.” She really doesn't. Coral is as much a part of this MC as anyone. Shepard's surrogate daughter. He's always thought of her as such since the day she sat astride his bike at the age of twelve and refused to get down. She flatly refused to be intimated by the big bad biker who lived across the street. She even sassed him so much it made him laugh.
Shepard was the one she ran to when she was attacked a few months later. He was the one who sorted everything out just like he would have for his own daughters.
“Wanna tell me what's wrong?”
She pulls away from me and wipes her eyes on the tissue she just took from her pocket. “I had a miscarriage last night.”
“Oh, Coral.” I didn't even know they were trying for a kid. They've been together six years, married almost as long. I thought they'd've had kids by now if they were to have any. But then, what the hell would I know? How the fuck would I know how or why people choose to have kids and when?
But I have to wonder what the hell she's doing here when she should be at home resting after something like that.
She drops her head back against the brick wall behind her and sighs loudly. “Why am I such a failure, Tank?”
“You are not a failure, Coral. What happened was not your fault.”
“That's what they all say. Doesn't stop a woman from blaming herself, Tank. It won't stop me from blaming myself either, it was my body that rejected my baby after all. What if that bastard really did scar me so much that I can't carry another baby, Tank?”
“You can't think like that, Coral. Jesus. Stryker would be pissed if he knew you felt this way.”
Her eyes meet mine. “I know. I just feel like I failed him.”
“You didn't fail him, sweetheart. He knows that. God, that man loves you so much. And I know you love him. I know you're grieving but so is he. You need each other right now. It's so easy for something like this to tear couples apart. Don't let it tear you and Stryker apart.”
“You're a good friend, Tank,” She wraps her arms around my waist again. “And one amazing brother.”
I chuckle. “Go find your man and let him hold you, and you hold him just as tight.”
“Thank you,” She kisses my cheek and rushes off inside.
I lean back against the wall and scrub my hands over my tired face. I grab a smoke from my pocket and spark it up. God, this is gonna be a really long day!
I woke super early after just two hours sleep. The bed I slept in was comfortable enough, clean sheets, soft pillows, firm mattress. Ember even slept well beside me. Well, after I promised we'd see daddy tomorrow.
Yeah, I kinda gave up correcting her on that front. I'm done running, I'm done being angry, and I'm done fighting what I feel for Tank. I'm in love with the man. I've punished myself enough f
or what happened in the past. Why the hell should I keep hiding from the happiness that should be mine? I deserve to be happy, Ember deserves to be happy. Tank loves us, he really loves us.
What happened the other day was my fault and I won't pretend otherwise. I should have had the guts to tell my man who I really was, but I didn't. If I had, his reaction to what happened would have been completely different. I'm ready to admit that I was wrong and that I'm sorry. I just hope he still wants me after this.
Ember and I were ready to leave by 6 AM, but I didn't set out until 9 AM. Elizabeth had made us breakfast and I couldn't refuse that sweet old woman.
It seemed to take forever to get home. I'm glad I forgot to hand my apartment keys to Lynette. I'd planned to post them to the landlord as soon as I could after I'd realized I'd still got them, and I only decided to do that because I didn't have time to hand them to Jett. I was already on my way out of town.
Everything seemed the same when I walked into my place. But, of course, it would, I'd been gone only a day. Ember was asleep so I lay her down while I grabbed our things from the car. I'd unpacked and put everything away within half an hour. Then I flopped down on my bed and slept until Ember woke me up two hours later.
I fed my daughter and bathed us both. I dressed her in a pretty pink dress with the little matching panties that cover her diaper, a white cardigan, little white socks, and pink baby dolly shoes, and pigtails in her hair.
I pulled on jeans and a black shirt, my Property Of Tank leather jacket that I left here when I thought I'd never see him again. Thank God I came to my senses. I left my dark curly hair hanging down my back. I've just finished putting lip gloss on and I smile at my baby girl as she sits on my bed happily clapping her little hands.
I turn and walks toward her. “Ember? Do you want to go see Daddy?”
“Da Da!” Her hands clap harder. The excitement she's feeling has me laughing. It makes a woman feel good to see her child so happy.
“Shall we bring Daddy home, Ember?” She nods her little head back and forth. I lift her into my arms and kiss her head, grab my keys and head out. It's time to bring my man home and tell him the truth about who I really am.