“Answer the question.”
Daji arched an eyebrow, betraying nothing. “You first.”
“The Sorqan Sira said once that I resembled Hanelai. Did you know her?”
Something shifted in Daji’s expression. Rin couldn’t quite read it—amusement? Relief? She seemed less on edge than she’d been just a moment ago, but Rin didn’t know what had changed. “Hanelai doesn’t matter to you. Hanelai’s dead.”
“Who was she?” Rin pressed. “A Speerly? Did you know her?”
“Yes,” Daji said. “I knew her. And yes, she was a Speerly. A general, in fact. She fought alongside us in the Second Poppy War. She was an admirable woman. Very brave, and very stupid.”
“Stupid? Why—”
“Because she defied Riga.” Daji stood up, clearly finished. “Nobody defied Riga if they were smart.”
The conversation stopped there. Rin tried many times again to broach the subject, but Daji refused to reveal anything more. She never spoke a word about what, precisely, Riga could do. Never a word about what Riga had done to Jiang, or the night that Jiang lost his mind, or how someone so supposedly great and powerful could possibly have missed the attack on Speer. Those gaps alone were enough for Rin to piece together the vaguest of theories, though she hated where it went.
She didn’t want it to be true. The implications hurt too much.
She knew Daji was lying to her about something, but part of her didn’t want to know. She wanted to just keep marching in a state of suspended disbelief, to keep assuming this war would be ended once they woke the Dragon Emperor. But the past kept prodding her mind like a tongue at an open sore, and the agony of not knowing, of being kept in the dark, grew too great to bear.
Finally, Rin decided to get her answers from Jiang instead.
That would be tricky. She’d have to get him alone. Daji was constantly at Jiang’s side, day and night. They slept, marched, and ate together. In camp, they often sat with their heads pressed together, murmuring things that Rin could only guess at. Every time Rin attempted to speak to Jiang, Daji was present, hovering just within earshot.
She had to incapacitate Daji, if only for several hours.
“Can you get me a strong dose of laudanum?” she asked Kitay. “Discreetly?”
He gave her a concerned look. “Why?”
“Not for me,” she said hastily. “For the Vipress.”
Understanding dawned on his face. “You’re playing a dangerous game there.”
“I don’t care,” she said. “I have to know.”
Daji proved shockingly easy to drug. She may have been vigilant as a hawk, but the demands of the march exhausted her just as much as they did everyone else. She still had to sleep. Rin only had to creep into Daji’s tent and clamp a laudanum-soaked towel over her mouth for half a minute until her face went utterly slack. She snapped her fingers next to Daji’s ears several times to check that she was fully unconscious. Daji didn’t budge.
Then she shook Jiang awake.
He was trapped in another one of his nightmares. Sweat beaded on his temples as he twitched in his sleep, muttering invocations in a gibberish that sounded like a mixture of Mugini and Ketreyid.
Rin pinched his arm, then clamped a palm over his mouth. His eyes shot open.
“Don’t scream,” she said. “I just want to talk. Nod if you understand.”
Miraculously, the fear withdrew from his face. To her great relief, he nodded.
He rose to a sitting position. His pale eyes moved about the tent and landed on Daji’s limp form. His lips curled in amusement, as if he’d guessed exactly what Rin had done. “She’s not dead, is she?”
“Only asleep.” Rin stood up and gestured to the door. “Come on. Outside.”
Obediently, he followed. Once they were out near the ledge, where the howling winds would drown out anything they said from eavesdroppers, she turned to Jiang and demanded, “Who is Hanelai?”
His face went slack.
“Who is Hanelai?” Rin repeated fiercely.
She knew from experience she might only get a minute or two of lucidity from him, so she needed to make the best use of that short window. She had spent that entire day with Kitay figuring out what to ask first. It was like trying to survey new territory in pitch darkness; there was simply too much they didn’t know.
In the end, they had decided on Hanelai. Hanelai, aside from Altan, was the name Jiang called Rin most often whenever he forgot who she was. He uttered that name constantly, either in sleep or during his daily fitful hallucinations. She was a person he clearly associated with pain, fear, and dread. Hanelai linked the Trifecta with the Speerlies. Whatever Jiang was hiding from them, Hanelai was the key.
Her suspicions were right. Jiang shuddered at the word.
“Don’t do this,” he said.
“Do what?”
“Please don’t make me remember.” His eyes were like a child’s, huge with fear.
He’s not an innocent, Rin reminded herself. He was as much a monster as she and Daji were. He’d slaughtered the Sorqan Sira’s daughter and half the Ketreyid clan with a smile on his face, even if he pretended not to remember.
“You don’t get to forget,” Rin said. “Whatever you did, you don’t deserve to forget. Tell me about Hanelai.”
“You don’t understand.” He shook his head frantically. “The more you press, the closer he comes, the other one—”
“He’s going to come back regardless,” she snapped. “You’re just a front. You’re an illusion you’ve constructed because you’re too scared to face up to what you did. But you can’t keep hiding, Master. If there’s any shred of courage left in you, then you’ll tell me. You owe that to me. You owe that to her.”
She spat those last few words so forcefully that Jiang flinched.
She had been grasping at straws, throwing phrases out to see what stuck. She didn’t know what Hanelai meant to Jiang. She hadn’t known how he would react. But to her surprise, it seemed to work. Jiang didn’t run away. He didn’t shut down, the way he had so often before, when his eyes went glassy and his mind retreated back inside itself. He stared at her for a long time, looking not afraid, not confused, but thoughtful.
For the first time in a long time, he seemed like the man Rin had known at Sinegard.
“Hanelai.” He drew the name out slowly, every syllable a sigh. “She was my mistake.”
“What happened?” Rin asked. “Did you kill her?”
“I . . .” Jiang swallowed. The next words spilled out of him fast and quiet, as if he were spitting out a poison he’d been holding under his tongue. “I didn’t want—that’s not what I chose. Riga decided without me, and Daji didn’t tell me until it was too late, but I tried to warn her—”
“Hold on,” Rin said, overwhelmed. “Warn her about what?”
“I should have stopped Hanelai.” He kept talking as if he hadn’t heard. This wasn’t a conversation anymore; he wasn’t speaking to her, he was speaking to himself, unleashing a torrent of words like he was afraid if he didn’t speak now then he’d never have the chance again. “She shouldn’t have told him. She wanted help, but she was never going to get it, and I knew that. She should have left, if it hadn’t been for the children—”