Lifting my head, I howl in pain as I’m taken down to the floor with a thud.
Sneaky, sneaky.
Still kneeling, he watches me through smiling eyes. Only Bob could beat the shit out of me and make me want to hug him.
I lift my head a moment before I raise my hand and wave my invisible white flag.
He chuckles out loud and moves over to me. Holding out his hand, he utters, “Great job today. Soon you won’t even need sessions.”
I couldn’t tell you why, but as he says that, my chest pangs. Rather than show any emotion, I lie back on the ground, chest heaving and cover my eyes with a forearm. I don’t want my sessions to end. If my sessions end, what time will I have with Bob? Just me and Bob. I suppose I sound like a whiny little brat, but Bob is all I know. He is my protector. My guardian. My role model. Sure, he could have been a better role model, but I say he did good with what he had. That he does good, still.
“So, how are things with Xavier?”
Bob sits by me and remains silent for a while, thinking before answering, “Another week or so and he’ll be good to go on his way.”
My arm flops down by my side. “And he’ll be okay, you think? He’ll stay away from drugs?”
Bob stares into the wall, not answering.
I close my eyes tightly and mutter a tired, “He’s going to use again, isn’t he?”
Bob breathes deeply and replies on an exhale, “I don’t think he will for a long while, but I think it won’t take much to set him off. The guy already has anger issues, that much is clear, but dealing with someone like Tomas is not an easy thing.” He looks at me. “How long do you think you could go with someone ignoring you before you hit the wall?”
My heart aches.
I know Tomas doesn’t do this intentionally but, yes, he doesn’t listen. I like to think because he can’t. He communicates in the only way he knows how.
Bob is right. It won’t be easy.
If only they could stay…
As if knowing my thoughts, Bob rubs my arm before standing and leaving me to my thoughts.
***
“Tomas, you need to keep real still for Ari or she might cut you.”
Tomas keeps his head still but his arms flail under the smock. I know he can’t help it. He seems to need to be moving in some way all the time. So I do something I haven’t done since I was a little girl. I move to stand in front of Tomas, and take his contorted hands in mine. I smile and start softly, “Patty cake, patty cake, baker’s man, bake me a cake as fast as you can…”
Tomas smiles a crooked smile and it spurs me on. I sing louder, making the movements between our hands bolder and sillier.
Obviously, we can’t do it like any other people do, so I pat our hands onto his knees and make motions myself. I feel stupid. Really stupid. But it’s making him happy. And I’m sure he’s thinking, ‘Wow. You look so damn stupid.’
Ari laughs sweetly while she continues to work. She places a hand on Tom’s shoulder and says full of humour, “I think we should have found a way to record this, oui?”
To our amazement, Tomas jerks his head around. It doesn’t look like much, but I’m sure this was a nod. He was agreeing with Ari.
Rather than show how shocked I am, I clear my throat and drawl, “Thanks a lot, Tomas.” I wink at him. “I thought we were friends. I wonder who’s going to hook you up with those chocolate éclairs you like so much now that we aren’t friends anymore.”
He smiles harder and points a kinked finger at me.
I feign surprise. “Me? Me, you say? But I thought we weren’t friends?”
He shakes his head slowly.
My eyes narrow. “You wouldn’t be trying to make friends with me just for my ability at sourcing éclairs, would you?”
Smiling hard, Ari removes the smock and announces, “And we are done! Here. Let’s get you up.”
She helps him stand and walks him over to the mirror. She gently strokes her dainty hands through his newly cut hair and asks, “What do you think? Better?”
Tomas stares at himself for a long while. Just as my heart begins to sink at his reaction (or lack of) he turns and places an arm around Ari’s neck. She hides her surprise well, hugging him back in turn. When they pull apart, she leans down into his face, gently taps his nose and whispers, “You’re so welcome.”
A small knock at the door has us all turning.
Xavier watches Tomas with a blank expression on his face. Tomas lowers his face and walks out of the room. Xavier’s brow furrows as he watches his brother walk back to his room without a word spoken.
The tension in the air in tangible. You could cut it with a knife. Ari and I watch Xavier bite the inside of his cheek and drift off far into his mind. He grips the doorframe with both hands and puffs out a breath. “What am I doing wrong?”
He sounds miserable. My heart clenches. I’m not sure what to say so I keep quiet.
Ari, on the other hand, clears her throat. “You know, Xavier, when I was growing up, my father was absent. He had brought trouble to himself. My mother loved him regardless. But he was trouble.” Her accent thickens as she speaks. “He was a good man, but he did some bad things. He eventually was arrested and he died in prison.”
I blink over at Ari.
She’s never spoken about her family before. She never speaks of her past.
Xavier shrugs as if he doesn’t understand why she’s telling him this.
She smiles at him. “No matter how much I loved my father, I always felt he abandoned me. Years of his life wasted away in prison. He could have done better. He should have made sure he did better. He owed it to us to be the best person he could be. But he did not.” Her face turns sympathetic as she delivers a hard blow. “I hated him for that. Perhaps Tomas feels abandoned, non? How long were you apart?”
Xavier stares down at the floor. “Years. A really long time.”
Ari nods. I do nothing.
It’s as though I’m intruding on a private conversation.
Ari speaks softly, “You can change this, beau. There is still time to fix what has been broken.”
Xavier doesn’t respond. His eyes void. It barely looks as though he’s breathing. Ari walks over to him and places her hands on his shoulders, slowly. Gently. As if trying not to spook a frightened animal. “I would have done anything for my father to have made an effort. That’s all it would’ve taken for me to love him again. To know he was trying.”
Xavier mutters, “I am trying.”
“Good. Then don’t take no for an answer. Show him you won’t be going away again. Never again. That he can rely on you. That you will take care of him.”
When he doesn’t speak again, Ari pulls him over to the chair in the middle of the room. “Sit. You need a haircut.”
He allows her to lead him. As he sits, he looks over at me. I shoot him a small smile. He returns the smile, but his is a tired smile.
It’s then that I ask myself who will take care of Xavier.
Chapter Twelve
One week later…
Arms elbow deep in bread dough, I hear footsteps rush into the kitchen. I lift my head in time to see Tomas coming my way, a smile on his face.
From way behind, I hear someone running. “Tom, stop!”
I chuckle to myself and watch as Tomas tries to hide himself somewhere in the kitchen.
“I’m serious, dude! When I get my hands on you, you’re finished!”
There isn’t much time. I reach behind me and open the door to the pantry. I whisper hiss, “Over here!”
Tomas doesn’t need to be asked twice. He moves into the pantry and I shut the door behind him.
Xavier comes into the kitchen, puffing. “Hey. Have you seen Tomas?”
I shrug but don’t dare look at him. I bite the insides of my cheeks to stop myself from smiling. Xavier doesn’t miss this.
Eyes narrowing on me, he takes a small step forward. And my tummy flutters.
Over the last week, Xavier
has put on a lot of weight he had lost during the days he was ill. He looks stronger, and much more handsome. His cheeks are no longer sunken and I’m almost ashamed by the fact that when he takes an afternoon run, I tend to my garden just so I can watch him.
He’s becoming a better person. He isn’t quite there yet, but he’s trying.
Tomas hugged him for the first time a few days ago. It was hard not to witness when Tomas made a show of it at dinner one night.
Xavier’s face morphed from surprise to happiness to anguish. He held his brother for a long time and when he lifted his head, he swiped furiously at his own eyes trying to hide the tears.
It was a beautiful thing. Not a single person at the dinner table could hold back their smiles.
“I don’t know where he is. Maybe he went through to the back,” I say distractedly, pointing over to the back door.
But Xavier smirks and drawls, “Is that right?”
Shit. He’s onto me.
I shrug a second time because if I speak, I’ll also burst into laughter. When he rounds on me, I take a step back and put my arms out. “What?”
His smile turns predatory. “You know what. Where is he?”
I smile so hard it hurts. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Xavier chuckles softly. “He needs a bath. He smells like cheese.”
Another step back. “He’s a boy. They’re meant to be dirty.”
“He doesn’t even eat cheese, Cat. Tell me where he is.”
“Don’t come any closer.”
A foot away from me, he lunges and catches me around the waist just before I turn to run.
Truth is, if I didn’t want to him to catch me, he wouldn’t have.
I play struggle, laughing. “Let me go!”
Pulling me further back into his body, I still. So does he. I feel his warm breath on my neck and my body breaks out into goose bumps. I slump into him. He rewards me with a slight squeeze. The pantry door opens and Tomas comes out, his face contorted into a laughing smile.
Xavier releases me quickly and I step away from him rolling my eyes. “You were meant to wait till I got rid of him, Tom! Sheesh. I need to teach you the aim of this game.”
Xavier opens his arm wide and Tomas runs into his body. “Oomph. Slow down there, boy. You ready to get clean?”