He looks into me and I return it, full force. No words are spoken. None are needed, not now.
What began with my needing to do this has ended with my wanting this more than anything I have ever wanted before.
Fuck the plan. I need this, need Julius.
His hands come to rest on my thighs and, without asking, he slides them upward in an attempt to access the most intimate part of me. In a moment of panic, I let out a soft gasp and his expression blanks. He stops, making a show of moving his hands over the clothing. He settles by wrapping his strong arms around my waist, pulling me into him, and when he does, his already hard cock rocks into me. The move has my eyes fluttering shut, and a low moan escapes me.
I don’t see the tender assault coming, but when his mouth takes mine in a deep, searing kiss, I groan into his mouth, and my body heats at the purring sound coming from deep in his throat.
Oh, God. Shit. I am a moron.
Why have I allowed this to happen?
I hadn’t expected to be so affected. I hadn’t expected to be affected at all.
I’m officially in way over my head. I know this because Julius Carter has lips that dreams are made of, and now that I’ve had a single taste of him, I am afraid this feeling of want won’t be sated so easily.
I’m drunk in lust, and I’ve never felt this way before. It’s disconcerting.
Sitting on the kitchen counter, wearing nothing but his shirt and a pair of panties, with my arms wrapped around his neck as he gently bites then sucks on my bottom lip, nothing has ever felt so natural before in my life than being in the arms of Julius Carter.
He reaches up to take my face in his hands. Looking down into my eyes, he searches.
For what?
I’m not sure. But when I smile up at him, I can almost hear the gears grinding inside his mind.
Releasing my face as if it’s the hardest thing he’s ever had to do, he takes a step back, away from me.
No.
“Julius.”
Don’t do this. Please, don’t do this.
My voice is no more than a whisper. “Don’t you dare, Julius.”
Please. Please don’t leave me. I need you.
Oh, God, I need him.
The words quiver. “Julius, don’t you dare walk away from me.”
He avoids my piercing stare as he takes another step back, effectively breaking what little I have left of me. He utters a rough, “We shouldn’t be doing this, Ana.”
I blink up at him. My brows furrow in confusion. “Yes. Yes, we should. Because it feels right. When something feels this good, that is exactly what you should be doing.”
He scoffs then shakes his head as though I’m the stupid one. “You don’t know what you’re feeling. You’re confused.”
He called it, but I won’t admit it. Yes, I’m confused. I’m a fucking mess.
A stabbing pain in my heart inflames my emotion, until suddenly, I’m aching inside. My voice low, I grind out, “Godammit, don’t tell me what I’m feeling. I’ve had a whole lot of wrong in my life. I know what feels right.”
But he steps back once more, and sheer desperation has me vowing, “If you walk away from me now, I will never have you again.”
His eyes narrow a moment before he calls my bluff, turning and walking away. Before he exits out the door, he mutters, “It’s what’s best.”
I wrap my arms around myself, fighting off the chill Julius left in the room. But I don’t cry.
I won’t.
“You goddamn moron. Lunatic. Jackass.” Ethan Black is having a bad day. “Do you have any idea what you’ve cost us?”
I place my thumbnail in my mouth, chewing on it lightly. “Enlighten me.”
“It was a bogus address, Twitch. No one there. Nada. Literally nothing. A SWAT sting wasted. Another opportunity down the drain.” Ethan’s fists ball up by his sides so tight that his knuckles turn white. He strides forward, a menacing expression on his taut face. “If you’re fucking with me, kid, you’ll rot behind bars. I swear it.”
I tilt my head and throw him a deadpan look. “You look a little tense there, Black. Might I suggest more fiber in your diet?”
“Twitch.” The chief cuts in before Ethan can lose his cool. “What happened? I think we’ve made it abundantly clear that if we don’t get our part of the bargain, neither do you.” He frowns in confusion. “Why are you playing games with us?”
“You didn’t think I’d actually give you the full address, did you?” The look of annoyance on both of their faces is beautiful.
“What, then?” Ethan wants to get down to business.
I shake my head. “You think I’m gonna take your word for it that you got these guys? C’mon.” A laugh through my nose. “No dice.”
Ethan Black sighs loudly before rolling his eyes and shouting, “What do you want?”
My statement is simple. “I want to be there. Present. As witness. Then you’ll get more from me.”
The chief looks unmoved. “No, Twitch. Now you’re asking too much.”
Ethan walks around the desk to stare out the glass of the office door. “No fucking way. I’m not taking you out on the field.”
I shrug carelessly. “Then I guess we’re at an impasse.” I stand and begin to move. “I’ll leave you to it.” I turn to the chief. “I’d wish you well, but—” I smirk lightly. “—I really don’t want to.” My feet take me to Ethan Black’s back, which is currently barring the door, and I say, “Get out of my way, Black.”
Ethan turns, his expression guarded, his mouth drawn in a thin line. “If you fuck me, I’ll fuck you right back.”
“I don’t have any intention of fucking anybody.” I repeat myself for the umpteenth time. “I just want to go home, be with my son, be with my woman. That’s all.”
I see the moment he loses his internal struggle. He sighs long and low and closes his eyes tightly, his face pained. “Okay,” he mutters quietly, then again louder. “Okay.” His eyes open and he looks toward the chief. “Have him ready in two days. We leave at dawn.”
My emotions spike, but I hold them at bay. I only have one thought going through my mind at this moment.
Yippee-kai-yay, motherfucker.
Something changed in Julius the night before.
What happened b
etween us was still thick in the air as I made my way into his bedroom, the picture of obedience. I still tasted him on my lips, felt his body close to mine, but I told myself to shake it off, that dwelling on it would harm me more than it would him. So I did all I could and pretended that nothing happened, that there was no kiss, no moment between us.
Ling hadn’t returned to the house by midnight, and when he muttered something about lights out, it was obvious he was worried about her. I pondered why he wouldn’t just call her and demand she come home. After all, he was her boss.
But that wasn’t my business. What was my business is what happened when I entered the bedroom. I was expecting something.
I got nothing.
Nothing at all.
He didn’t cuff me to him, didn’t cuff me to the headboard, didn’t verbally threaten me in any way, he just left me be. He did, however, lock us both into his bedroom suite that night, and although I expected him to lecture me on what would happen should I escape, he simply undressed, changed into his sleep pants, turned off the lights and slipped into bed without looking at me or saying a word, turning his back to me as if I wasn’t even there.
My emotional response was puzzling to say the least. His overlooking me, disregarding me as though I was nothing, was beginning to build a curious reaction from me.
I was missing his eyes on me, missing the way they held me tight, glued to the spot. Strong feelings of unwanted desire caused my chest to ache.
His indifference was not only startling but also hurtful. Completely ridiculous and irrational, I know. And a shred of my stretched mind wondered if I was beginning to develop Stockholm syndrome.
It wouldn’t do.
I had a plan, and I was sticking to it, somewhat. If I was going to see it through, I couldn’t start to get attached to the sometimes-scary but more-often-considerate man.
It wasn’t fair. Out of all men to get stuck with, I got the one who stirred the butterflies in my belly with a humble glance from those stormy blue eyes.
How could a person simply stop being attracted to someone?
I wasn’t sure it was possible.
My mother used to say that when a man could hold a woman’s attention without a word spoken, it was a recipe for disaster. And for me, that was Julius. Regardless of my mother’s advice, I wanted to push the boundaries. I had nothing to lose. Literally nothing.