Although, that’s not necessarily a guarantee. Plenty of people choose not to be parents. And with her traveling so much…
I take a deeper look inside myself, taking stock of my emotions. I’m not even sure how I feel about kids. I know the burden of raising them, and I don’t mean that in a bad way. Just acknowledging the responsibility is a great weight meant for strong shoulders.
Willow and I are both incredibly strong. We’d be up to the challenge.
But I did have a weird upbringing. While I have good memories of my parents and my grandpa, I was with them for as long as I was on my own. I spent as much time raising, fending for, and fighting for myself as I had others caring for me. My biggest fear when considering long-term relationships and kids is whether I have the ability to truly attach.
Do I have what it takes to give myself to Willow and a child for the rest of my life? Do I have that type of sustainability?
I wish the answer was clear, but it’s not. The only thing I can do is take solace in the fact that coming to an actual answer has become incredibly important to me, and I’m never going to take it lightly. I care for Willow too much to do that.CHAPTER 20DominikIt’s game two of the conference finals, and the energy inside the arena is palpable. Of course, it’s also amplified by the sixteen boys I’m leading on a private tour of the arena before the main doors open. I sent the team plane to Los Angeles to pick them up, and they landed a few hours ago.
After the game, they’ll be staying in one of Phoenix’s finest hotels before flying back to their life at Miller House in the morning.
Most of these kids are inner city and from very impoverished backgrounds. Most often it was parental drug addiction or incarceration that landed them in the foster system, and a trip like this can be overwhelming to them. Normally, I bring the residents from Miller House to see my basketball team play, but that’s just a bus ride from the home to the arena.
The boys range in age from twelve to seventeen, and there are three chaperones on the trip with them in addition to me here at the arena. Some have never even seen a hockey game before while others are already huge fans since I bought the Vengeance. I’m a frequent visitor to Miller House as it’s not just my money I give there. I go often to talk to the kids—focusing on the older ones who are getting ready to age out of the program—so they can see anything is possible if they put their minds to it.
We manage to get a quick tour of the locker rooms, running into Tacker and Bishop who arrived earlier than normal. They did a great job posing with the kids for photos and answering questions. I brought the boys out onto the ice and let them gingerly walk across it for a bit. Took them to the management offices and the workout room.
And now we’ve made it to the owner’s box, just as the arena starts to fill with fans. The box is reserved exclusively for the Miller House boys and chaperones tonight. The only other person who has an invite is Willow, and I expect her soon.
I had considered inviting her family to join us, but I didn’t only because she’s been so uneasy about us making it official with them. I’ll give her some space on that. I’m willing to let her decide when she wants her family to “know” about us, even though we realize they’re already aware.
At any rate, Willow has no clue about the boys coming in, and I’m not sure why I didn’t tell her. Maybe I’m worried she won’t want to sit up here with us or she won’t have a good time. I have no clue how she feels about kids, much less slightly troubled foster kids from a group home. While she showed immense compassion over my situation, she’s also seen the successful end result.
Regardless, I’m not going to regret bringing this wily bunch here. If they aren’t exposed to other things in life, they’ll never know what they could aspire to or achieve. And if Willow doesn’t like it, she can always go sit down in the seats Dax purchased for the series.
There’s an usher waiting by the owner’s box door. He unlocks it, pushes it open, and smiles as the boys all rush to push their way in at the same time, causing a traffic jam. One of the chaperones yells at them to settle down, but they ignore her. I remember being much the same way.
Following the group in, I call out, “Each of you will find a seat with your name on a card. There’s also some gifts there for each of you.”