I was a freak, and a dork, and I was way out of my league with Griffen Sawyer.
The silence stretched until I thought I might die of humiliation. My eyes flicked open in surprise as Alice’s strong arms squeezed me tight.
Alice said quietly, “It’s okay to be scared. Falling in love is scary. It’s dangerous. You risk your heart and you don’t know. You don’t know what’s going to happen. Cooper scared the hell out of me. I was so terrified of him I ran to another state.”
While I was digesting the idea of Alice being afraid of anything, Lily cut in, “Cooper deserved that. He was a moron.”
“True. But still, I should have known how he felt. I was too scared to see straight.”
“I’m not in love with Griffen,” I said, knowing it was mostly a lie. I didn’t know how I felt about Griffen, but I couldn’t pretend I felt nothing. No one was going to believe that, least of all me.
Ignoring my protest, Lily mused, “I thought Knox was going to kill me. At first. But he thought I’d killed my husband, so it evened out. Then the Russian mob showed up and we realized we were on the same team.”
I couldn’t get my head around that. How could anyone think Lily was a murderer? Now I wanted to meet her Knox.
“You aren’t scared of Griffen like that, are you?” Lily asked.
I shook my head. “He’d never hurt me. But he’s going to break my heart. I can’t stop it. And I want him anyway.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Hope
I couldn’t explain why I was so sure he’d break my heart. The terms of the will meant I had to lie about the reason for our marriage. It didn’t matter. Alice knew Griffen hadn’t wanted to see me a few days ago. They both knew he wasn’t in love with me, knew there had to be another reason he’d married me.
“We’re not falling in love,” I whispered, staring at the scraps of silk in front of me without seeing them. “That’s not what this is. He’ll never love me. He can’t.”
Lily stroked a hand down my hair. Alice wasn’t as soothing. “Forget about that. Love will take care of itself, one way or another. The real question is do you want to have sex with him?”
“I do,” I admitted. “But everything’s upside down when he kisses me. I feel too much and I can’t think. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
Lily stroked my hair again, her touch gentle. “You can trust Griffen. You don’t need to know what you’re supposed to do. Not like that. He’ll show you.”
“Does he know?” Alice asked. “That you haven’t—”
“I kind of told him accidentally after my uncle told him to get me pregnant.”
Lily’s hand flew over her mouth as she choked back a laugh. I couldn’t help it, a smile cracked across my face as I heard what I’d said. I shook my head. “My life’s such a mess right now.”
“Don’t worry about that,” Alice said. “Lily’s right. You can trust Griffen. All you need to do is pick out what you like here, put it on, and he’ll take care of the rest. That’s a guarantee.”
Could it be that simple? Just trust Griffen? It made more sense than anything else. I sure as heck didn’t know what I was doing. And if the way he touched me was any example, Griffen absolutely knew what he was doing.
I wanted him. I’d always wanted him. This was my chance to have him, if just for a little while. I didn’t want to waste it because I was scared.
For all these years, I’d thought nothing could happen to me if I was with Uncle Edgar. He’d rescued me. He could keep me safe. And he did.
What I didn’t realize was nothing could happen to me if I was with Uncle Edgar. If I spent my life hiding, nothing would ever happen to me.
I thought about that morning, Griffen’s hands, his mouth, the way he’d touched me. The way I’d come. I wanted more of that.
I wanted something from this wall of silk and satin and lace. Something that would make Griffen crazy.
Crazy for me.
I took a deep breath, pushed away my fear, and reached out for a confection of blush pink silk and creamy lace.
“What about this?” I asked my partners in crime.
“That would be perfect.”
I couldn’t look at the total on the register when Alice paid. Three huge shopping bags filled with everything from everyday bras and panties to a merry widow and stockings, the nightgown I’d been drooling over, matching robe, and so much more. Too much more.
Originally, I’d planned to pay him back, but considering the meager contents of my savings account, that would take years. Uncle Edgar hadn’t paid me much, coolly implying that years of room and board and a college education were expensive.