Kyle looked at me, eyes clinging to mine. “Do you want to talk about it?”
It was on the tip of my tongue to say no. It was my default reaction. I had spent a long time perfecting the art of packing it all away and closing it up tight. But here we were in this situation together, and I felt exposed and raw, and I wanted Kyle Webber to see everything.
“You saw the person I became in California. You were given a front-row seat to my selfishness,” I started to say. Now was the time to pull out all the skeletons. I was tired of them jangling around in my closet.
Kyle’s mouth pressed into a thin line. “We don’t need to go there, Whitney. It was a long time ago.”
“We do need to talk about it, though. I owe you such a huge apology for how I treated you. It took me years to see what an ass I was and how badly I treated the people I cared about. You. Meg. My parents. No one was exempt from my shittiness; trust me.”
Kyle chuckled darkly. “At least I know it wasn’t personal.” His face was tight. This was hard to talk about for both of us. But things needed to be said.
“I hurt you. Badly I think,” I hedged.
Kyle stared at me for a dozen heartbeats. One. Two. Three …
“Yes, you did. You broke my heart, Whitney. You smashed it to pieces. And I didn’t know why. I didn’t understand what made you do it.” And there it was. The old pain. The jagged pieces of his pride and anger.
I ran my hands down my face trying to gather my thoughts. “I told you I got pregnant. The guy who got me pregnant was a director. A really famous one too. And he’s married.” It felt as if I was about to jump off a cliff.
Here goes nothing.
The truth.
“I met him on the set of the first movie I worked on. He was this handsome, charismatic A-lister. He could open doors that I could never get through on my own. And he took a shine to me. No, that’s not right.” I shook my head. “He slowly and methodically over the years took everything from me. He made me emotionally dependent on him. He made me feel like I would be nothing without him. He molded me into this pathetic excuse of a woman whose sole purpose was to wait around until he decided he wanted me.” It was embarrassing telling Kyle this. It would probably change the way he saw me, but I deserved that.
“He tore me down completely, and in turn, I pushed everyone away. That weekend you came out to see me, I was genuinely happy to see you. I thought we’d have a whole weekend together.” I drew a shuddery breath. “Then he called me and decided he wanted to see me because his wife was out of town, and like the idiot I was, I jumped at the chance to be with him.” I twisted my fingers in my lap, finding it hard to admit such horrible things. These deep, twisted pieces of my soul.
“I spent eight years desperate for whatever scraps he tossed my way because I thought that was what love looked like. And he did help my career. I was given the biggest jobs. I got to travel the world. And all the while he kept me under this thumb.”
“Who the fuck is this guy?” Kyle spat out.
It was my instinct to protect him. This man who had used me up and tossed me away. Not to reveal his name. But I wouldn’t hide him anymore. “Do you know who Gavin Wiseley is?”
Kyle’s eyes widened. “Gavin Wiseley? The guy who directed the Dark Spy movies?”
“That’s him. Five-time Oscar winner and Hollywood legend. He’s also a predator, but no one talks about that.” I heard the venom. I didn’t even bother to hide it.
“Isn’t he like sixty years old?” Kyle’s lip curled in disgust.
I swallowed; my throat suddenly dry. “He’s fifty-eight.”
“Wait, how old were you when you got together?” Kyle asked, piecing things together.
I closed my eyes. “I was nineteen. He was forty-six.”
“God, Whit, that’s ... I can’t ... what the fuck?” Kyle didn’t seem to know what to say.
“And then I got pregnant and at first, he swore it wasn’t his, even though I hadn’t been with anyone but him. I wouldn’t dare try. He’d blackball me in the movie industry. My career would be over. Even though he continued to sleep with everything that moved, I had to be completely devoted to him. Then when he finally accepted the pregnancy, he thought I was trying to trap him. Make him leave his wife. He called me all sorts of names. Demanded I get an abortion.”